Slipping through the trees, strangling the breeze. Dead I am the sky- watching angels cry..
I stared out the window, listening. After their confession, everything felt quieter. I could hear their heavy, worried breaths; my own un-expectantly calm. The room was completely empty, except for the various knick-knacks stacked carelessly here and there; that didn’t ease the feeling of something hovering nearby.
Whispers of cold air rippled across my skin, and with icy breath- almost exactly like the brush of cold lips against the nape of my neck I’d felt only a week ago. Hesitating, I felt tired- worn out, and scared.
She’d once been a comfort that was clear. Now her face is monstrous- her eyes burn with cruelty, mouth twisted in a sneer. I froze when I realize that a completely changed person stands in front of me.
In shock, her small body stretched, dark hair lengthening. A once sweet face contorted with hatred that only comes with such a hideous mask of terror. Her wails of anger and despair echoed throughout an empty house. Good- let her feel what I’ve had to for the past months..
The late afternoon sky is low and gray- the air carries a heavy chill. Hands thrust deep inside my pockets; the usual walk home had no calming effects on my mood. Walking past our spots, the sky lit up- and I collapsed. So tired- there, sprawled facedown in the tall, damp grass- I let them go. Encircled in that light, nothing else seemed to matter.
Behind a veil of confidence- I’m unsure of my choices. Head bowed, my misery hardened into frustration, because of them again. Scorching brown eyes sine with disapproval, and disappointment. A teasing smile makes up for all your errors.. I believe it every time, and ignore any feelings pulling me in a different direction. I’ve never let what others want get in the way of what I need to accomplish- and this is no different. Maybe I have put them up in a pedestal; the last time this happened, everything hardened; not only my expression, and my knack for compassion- but everything. This time, I won’t let the same thing happen- and I’m afraid it’s starting to if I don’t make some compromise.
I hope you rest better than I have recently. You realize, I feel no sadness, nausea surges too strong to allow any ‘soft’ feelings through. Feeling vulnerable, I was physically and mentally disoriented. It was vibrant- my voice breaking, I felt unbearably defeated after what I’d seen.
I realize that my fear would cause me pain if I didn’t let go of it right at that very moment. My breathing growing deeper, I could sense Claudia’s familiar tone of voice escaping my throat. Energy circled the room- and I chose to banish limitations; faces where blurred, the world spinning until every tone was a beautifully slurred rhythmic sound. Rising and falling- my chest heaved, face flushed with beads of sweat.. with one last burst of sound, the light went away. Throwing my arms skyward, I felt a rush of adrenaline enfolding me. Hands grasped the air, I seized the only source of comfort I could find.
And the night exploded all around me.. I was dancing in the atmosphere, surrounded by stars- seeing motes of energy whizzing past me like microscopic comets. I could see the entire universe all at once; every smile, memory- every grain of sand was revealed to me. Everything I witnessed was infinitely beautiful.. When I breathed, I inhaled the very essence of life. I exhaled a white light- stronger than I ever had before. Everything was understood- from my place at that moment; I realized I had a path I needed to follow.
The only sign of force in an otherwise dull room was a bowl.. Inside- flowers, once beautiful, filling the room with it’s scent- now the petals lay scattered, withered; and gone. I was completely mesmerized by the sadness of it’s death.. I touched a wilted bud; and it opened beneath my hand. Blooming in death as it hadn’t been allowed to in life- I felt the ground throbbing from beneath my bare feet.. Overhead, the moon was high and glowing. In this place, there was a deep- abiding silence. Broken only, every once in the hour- by animals’ night calls, the fluttering wings of birds, the occasional trickle of the fountain.
Easing the negativity from the knot in my stomach, I allowed all energy to seep from my fingertips- into the bowl. My perceptions where now focused, and I saw my room as it had once been- a simple combinations of all four signs, and loosening my grip- allowed the crushed rose fall from the palm of my hand.
Within myself, I also felt a stillness; as if being put to bed one by one- all my uncertainties where quieted. The light scent of jasmine was in the air when I woke up- Thursday dawned cold and bleak.. I woke up just after sunrise, unusual for me.. Shaken by what happened, though I couldn’t seem to remember. She was curled up against my chest- and I kissed the top of her head. My thoughts were already rolling- and trying to fall back asleep proved useless.. The rest of the day was spent with the two of them.. Everything back to, if not better than, as it was before.. Samhains’ coming up, and I’m expecting something new..
“Between the heavens, and the earth- nothing can be kept hidden... What happens in the dark, will come to light..”