Fic: Something I've Never Had
Title: Something I've Never Had
Media: Fanfic, with bonus(!) suggested soundtrack accompaniment
Authorchartreuse_77
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Glee, or Kurt or Blaine
Spoilers: This is based around the spoilers we've gotten for 3x05. If you're staying unspoiled, I applaud your self-control, and I suggest you don't read this.
Word Count: ~1,300
Summary: Blaine wants to apologize for his actions last night. Kurt wants Blaine to stop talking so much.
A/N: Basically, this is my reaction to those 3x05 spoilers. It takes place the night after *that scene*. The title comes from "Lover Man" by Billie Holiday. I hope you check out the little soundtrack I made for this after you read the story, because these songs were my inspiration for writing this. Also, I never post to LJ (ever) so if I mess up links/cut/ tags/etc. PLEASE let me know.
“I'm sorry.” Blaine stood on the front porch of the Hudson-Hummel house, staring up at his boyfriend in the doorway. “Kurt, I am so, so sorry. Please let me come inside, I am begging you.”
“Blaine,” Kurt said with an annoyed sigh. “I invited you here. I then opened the door to let you in. Stop apologizing for five seconds, and just come inside, please.”
Blaine gave him a sheepish look and stepped into the foyer. The truth was, Blaine was nervous. Nervous, and ashamed, and still just a little bit hungover too, so he couldn't be blamed for not thinking clearly.
Last night was supposed to be perfect. Burt and Carole were away for a romantic weekend, so Kurt didn't have a curfew. Finn and Rachel had called dibs on the house Friday night, so Kurt and Blaine had decided to go out. The gay bar had seemed perfect. They knew they could dance and be affectionate with each other there without facing cruel taunts, or worse. It was supposed to make up for Blaine's Sadie Hawkin's dance and Kurt's prom. It was supposed to be fun and romantic.
Instead, Blaine had had much too much to drink, and had made a fool of himself. What was worse, he had messed things up with Kurt. Kurt, who was sweet and romantic, and who deserved so much better than a drunken tumble in the backseat of his car. Blaine had been sure that, after how terribly he had acted, Kurt would never want to speak to him again. Needless to say, he had been more than a little bit surprised when he'd gotten a text from Kurt earlier in the afternoon.
Come over to my house tonight at 7. We need to talk.
At first, Blaine had been overjoyed. If Kurt was willing to talk to him, things couldn't be all that bad. As the hours ticked by, however, Blaine got more and more nervous. Maybe Kurt wanted him to meet him at his house, because he knew he'd make a scene if they were out in public. And what, exactly, did "We need to talk" mean? Wasn't that just a euphemism for "We need to break up?" It was just all so cryptic.
The message hadn't been signed “love, Kurt” or even “xo.” If that wasn't a sign that Kurt was going to break up with him, he didn't know what was. And Blaine was not ready to break up. He loved Kurt. He loved him more than he had even known was possible, and he wasn't going to let one drunken mistake take that away. He had a whole speech planned in his head, and if that didn't work, he was ready to grovel. If groveling didn't work he was going to try bribery, though he still wasn't quite sure what he had that he could bribe Kurt with.
Blaine began to pace in front of the stairs. “Kurt, listen. What I did last night was inappropriate, and inexcusable. I hope you know that I respect you, and I would never try to force you to do anything you're not ready for.”
“Blaine,” Kurt tried to interject.
“No, please, Kurt. Please listen to me. I am so sorry for what happened. I had too much to drink, and I lost control, but I swear to you it will never happen again."
"Blaine, I really..."
Kurt please! I know I messed up. I know what I did was wrong, and I know that you're mad at me...”
“Blaine!” Kurt snapped, “I'm not mad at you! Will you please, please let me talk now?”
Blaine stopped pacing, and blinked up at him in confusion. “I...what? You're not...what? I mean, yes. Yes, you talk. Please.” Oh good lord, none of those sentences had made sense. And Blaine usually prided himself on having a way with words.
Kurt gave him an amused glance. “Blaine, I'm not mad at you. Anymore. Last night I was...upset, of course. Everything was just happening too fast, and I was overwhelmed, and a parking lot, Blaine? Really? You thought I would be ok with doing that in your car in a gay bar parking lot?" Blaine started to apologize again, but Kurt shushed him once again.
"However," Kurt continued, "once I had time to process what had happened, I realized that I really wasn't that mad anymore. I mean, I've known for months that you get a bit handsy when you've had too much to drink. Honestly, part of me is glad that it was me you were coming on to, and not that drag queen that had been flirting with you all night." Blaine snorted at that, and the boys exchanged a small smile.
"Most importantly, though, you stopped when I asked you to. I mean, you weren't thrilled about it, but you stopped. That really means a lot to me Blaine. Look, can we please go up to my room to finish this conversation? I know nobody else is here, but I think I would be more comfortable discussing this upstairs.” Blaine nodded mutely. Kurt took his hand as they walked up the stairs.
“Blaine, last night when I pushed you away. It wasn't because I didn't want... I mean, it wasn't because you were being a groping drunkard. Well, that's not the whole reason. I am ready. For more. I've told you that. But, you know I like romance. When we... go further, I want there to be candles, and...Billie Holiday playing in the background. And a bed. A bed is a must.” The boys reached the top of the stairs. “Is all of that okay with you?”
Blaine let out a breath of relief, happy that Kurt had forgiven him, and that he was allowed to speak again.
“Of course, that's okay, Kurt. It's more than okay. I know I was stupid last night, but I love you. I love you so much, and I want our first time together to be perfect. When the time comes I promise you we will have candles, and Billie, and rose petals and romance, because that's what you deserve, and...” Blaine stopped short as Kurt opened the bedroom door, his mouth falling open in surprise.
Kurt's room was alight with dozens of candles. Every surface in the room (except, of course, for the bed) was covered in candles, bathing the room in a flickering glow. If Blaine had been capable of forming coherent thoughts, he probably would have been worried about the fire hazard. Instead, he just stood dazedly in the bedroom doorway. Kurt pushed a button on his iPod speakers, and slow, smooth jazz softly filled the room. He turned back to Blaine, who was still standing transfixed just outside the room.
“Is this...ok?” Kurt asked. “We don't have to do anything, if you don't want to. There's no pressure. I just thought, after last night, that maybe...?” He trailed off, looking suddenly nervous and unsure.
“This is perfect,” Blaine sighed happily. “It's absolutely perfect, Kurt.” And it was. The candles' warm glow gave the room a feeling of mystery and romance. Billie Holiday was singing about the thrill of romance. And Kurt wanted this; wanted him.
“Well, I don't know about perfect,” Kurt remarked suddenly. Blaine looked up at him in alarm. Kurt just smirked. “I didn't think to get any rose petals.”
“Do you need rose petals?” Blaine asked frantically. “Because I will go get some rose petals. I will go right now, if that would make you happy.”
“No way.” Kurt laughed as he slowly led Blaine inside and closed the bedroom door. “You're not going anywhere.”
End.
And then they totally have sex, guys. It's awesome.
A/N: Thanks for reading! As a bonus, here is the playlist that accompanies this fic. I like to call it "Kurt Hummel's Official Virginity-Loss Billie Holiday Playlist." Full disclosure, this playlist is 100% the reason I wrote the story. Billie Holiday's "Lover Man" has been my secret Klaine first-time song for months now, and those 3x05 spoilers just seemed to fit it perfectly. THEN I realized that she has a ton of songs that were just spot on for sweet, sweet, Klaine lovin'. So basically I've spent the last day and a half thinking pervy thoughts while listening to Billie Holiday (I have no regrets!)
So, listen, and imagine Kurt and Blaine having sex while you do!
(links go to youtube, because I don't know how to do anything fancier)
1. Lover Man
"I've heard it said
That the thrill of romance
Can be like a heavenly dream
I go to bed with a prayer
That you'll make love to me
Strange as it seems"
2. All The Way
“Who knows where the road will lead us
Only a fool would say
But if you'll let me love you
It's for sure I'm gonna love you - all the way, all the way”
3. I Hadn't Anyone Till You
“I used to lie awake and wonder if there could be,
A someone in the wide world just made for me
Now I see I had to save my love for you
I never gave my love till you
4. I'm Yours
I am only what you make me
Come take me
I'm yours
5. The Very Thought of You
“The longing here for you
You'll never know
How slow the moments go
Till I'm near to you”
6. Tenderly
“I can't forget how two hearts met breathlessly
Your arms opened wide and closed me inside
You took my lips, you took my love so tenderly”
Thanks for listening!