Someone Else's Memory
Listening to Blindside at the moment.
I think before I moved down here, I couldn't barely listen to half of my music anymore. This would be mainly 'cos whatever I'm listening to when a certain thing happens sorta catalogs the memory, so that every time I hear it, I remember. Which isn't always a bad thing, but reeeeeeeh after the reasons I had for coming down here, it got pretty ugly.
Blindside being one. Simply due to the fact that I found them on accident, bought them, and listened to them nonstop during that period in the first week of February where me and Michael always were both sick each year. Dunno, it just seemed the best music to lift my crappy mood. Especially since I was worried he had gotten sick 'cos of me, and I get MAJOR sicknesses up the arse, so I was worried that his immune system couldn't handle the load (odd thought lol).
When I moved, roughly just before or just after, I bought the new Blindside. Never bothered listening to it. It was strangely painful to even think of. The only other time that had been a problem was the Godsmack song "Voodoo" (which already annoyed me BEFORE I began associating it with the time Bryan tried to kill me).
Either way. Andrew was talking to me about music once, and we were playing his cd... and I found a song on it... and he was looking at me funny, I know the look. "Do you know who it is?" basically. "Blindside?" I asked. I hadn't listened to them in a while. "Yeah." He borrowed my new cd, and I still continued not listening to them.
This was before I met the guys, before I began randomly hanging out with them all. Somehow... they replaced a lot of gaps in my mind. Random voids that needed filling. A lot of things like songs that I associated with things I had grown to miss or not enjoy, they replaced. They friggin took over it all. I was utterly amazed by it all.
I say this now, 'cos I'm finally back to listening to Blindside, right now. Joice. I missed that guy's voice. Very soothing to me, a lot like Garrett's actually, though the rougher tends to remind me of Justin or Andrew.
Point is, that, as a child, I had learned quickly from being observant that people tend to forget things. It happens. But the things that seem to fade quickest are the things we want to remember the most. Even if it doesn't fade, the memory gets altered, taylored. It's like a game of telephone, really.
I never told my doctors the oddity of my memories, and I was wondering if anyone else here ever had this... quirk. I don't remember a single thing in a first-person view. I see them from an entirely outside position. At one point when I was younger, I had thought that it might be Jakoby's version of what happened. But even with the memory of me "meeting" him... I see both of us.
All my memories are like this, and I've seen them like that for as long as I can rememember. And I'm not saying distant memories only. I mean, I remember the time that M snuck a picture of Michael when he was staring at me in the hall, and he freaked. When I went back to think about it just a few minutes later, I saw her, him, AND me. As well as the others around us.
It makes my memories seem more intricate I guess, in my opinion... but it loses the flavor of posession somehow. Like, I've never been able to view them as entirely "mine". Like I said before, I originally thought they were Jakoby's. I didn't wanna bring it up to my doctor, 'cos I never brought up Jakoby in the first place, but secondly, 'cos I was trying to LEAVE my doctor. No use bringing up something that will keep me from leaving, right?
So... anyone? Ever had this happen to a memory?
I think before I moved down here, I couldn't barely listen to half of my music anymore. This would be mainly 'cos whatever I'm listening to when a certain thing happens sorta catalogs the memory, so that every time I hear it, I remember. Which isn't always a bad thing, but reeeeeeeh after the reasons I had for coming down here, it got pretty ugly.
Blindside being one. Simply due to the fact that I found them on accident, bought them, and listened to them nonstop during that period in the first week of February where me and Michael always were both sick each year. Dunno, it just seemed the best music to lift my crappy mood. Especially since I was worried he had gotten sick 'cos of me, and I get MAJOR sicknesses up the arse, so I was worried that his immune system couldn't handle the load (odd thought lol).
When I moved, roughly just before or just after, I bought the new Blindside. Never bothered listening to it. It was strangely painful to even think of. The only other time that had been a problem was the Godsmack song "Voodoo" (which already annoyed me BEFORE I began associating it with the time Bryan tried to kill me).
Either way. Andrew was talking to me about music once, and we were playing his cd... and I found a song on it... and he was looking at me funny, I know the look. "Do you know who it is?" basically. "Blindside?" I asked. I hadn't listened to them in a while. "Yeah." He borrowed my new cd, and I still continued not listening to them.
This was before I met the guys, before I began randomly hanging out with them all. Somehow... they replaced a lot of gaps in my mind. Random voids that needed filling. A lot of things like songs that I associated with things I had grown to miss or not enjoy, they replaced. They friggin took over it all. I was utterly amazed by it all.
I say this now, 'cos I'm finally back to listening to Blindside, right now. Joice. I missed that guy's voice. Very soothing to me, a lot like Garrett's actually, though the rougher tends to remind me of Justin or Andrew.
Point is, that, as a child, I had learned quickly from being observant that people tend to forget things. It happens. But the things that seem to fade quickest are the things we want to remember the most. Even if it doesn't fade, the memory gets altered, taylored. It's like a game of telephone, really.
I never told my doctors the oddity of my memories, and I was wondering if anyone else here ever had this... quirk. I don't remember a single thing in a first-person view. I see them from an entirely outside position. At one point when I was younger, I had thought that it might be Jakoby's version of what happened. But even with the memory of me "meeting" him... I see both of us.
All my memories are like this, and I've seen them like that for as long as I can rememember. And I'm not saying distant memories only. I mean, I remember the time that M snuck a picture of Michael when he was staring at me in the hall, and he freaked. When I went back to think about it just a few minutes later, I saw her, him, AND me. As well as the others around us.
It makes my memories seem more intricate I guess, in my opinion... but it loses the flavor of posession somehow. Like, I've never been able to view them as entirely "mine". Like I said before, I originally thought they were Jakoby's. I didn't wanna bring it up to my doctor, 'cos I never brought up Jakoby in the first place, but secondly, 'cos I was trying to LEAVE my doctor. No use bringing up something that will keep me from leaving, right?
So... anyone? Ever had this happen to a memory?