no i wont take your hand and marry the state
En qué fecha estamos? Ya no me acuerdo. Ni siquiera me acuerdo qué día es. Lunes. Hoy era lunes, sé porque me olvidé de irme al colegio a ver mis papeles. Lunes el 18 de junio. Hoy se fue la Maikie. Mareike, de alemania. Estaba en esta familia antes. Hoy tarde se fue a guayaquil, y en la mañana se va a alemania, via peru creo, algo mas en europa, y frankfurt, y en carro dos horas a su casa. Ayer se fue la Lani. No lo puedo creer. It's like it just doesn't register in my head. Like it's not real. None of this is real. Portland doesn't exist. Lo soñé todo. Portland, mi niñez, MLC EMS Buckman Cleveland New Day.. I dreamt it all and it was a great dream and I'd like to fall asleep again and go back into it and then wake up again and go back to sleep again and I promise I can handle living both lives. The thing is, even if/when we come back to visit, of course we'll visit our families and our Ecuadorian friends but we won't have each other. It's not like we can come back and jump back into our lives how they were because we are such a part of each others' lives, but we won't be here together.
Of course I'm looking forward to going back, for many reasons, and I've talked on the phone recently with both my parents, Earthan, Ari, Spark, Izzakate, Sam Jackson, Max, and Ethan Cohn, (edit: now Izabelle as well), which makes me much more excited... but I'm so unsure. To put it very simply, I cannot even pretend to imagine what it'll be like. The truth is, I'm as scared to leave as I was to come, and maybe even more. This is something we never covered in all those Rotary orientations. It's very unfamiliar ground, I've never felt anything like this, ever. And it scares the hell out of me.
Of course I'm looking forward to going back, for many reasons, and I've talked on the phone recently with both my parents, Earthan, Ari, Spark, Izzakate, Sam Jackson, Max, and Ethan Cohn, (edit: now Izabelle as well), which makes me much more excited... but I'm so unsure. To put it very simply, I cannot even pretend to imagine what it'll be like. The truth is, I'm as scared to leave as I was to come, and maybe even more. This is something we never covered in all those Rotary orientations. It's very unfamiliar ground, I've never felt anything like this, ever. And it scares the hell out of me.