FAN FIC: Terminator - Questioning Fate {7}
Title: Questioning Fate
Author: Syrai
Rating: PG-13 for now anyway (for language)
Pairings: Kate/John/Original character triangle, sort of
Status: 7/?
Summary: Judgment Day never came but now, 2006 it's about to. To prevent it from happening is another person sent through time to help John Connor and his wife. But what is going on and what are the real reasons behind Robin York's actions?
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS
Author's Note: Blame the one who invented computers. Blame the one who got the crazy idea of making Terminator movies. Blame the goddamn producer. Blame the tooth fairy as far as I’m concerned…as long as it’s not me who gets the blame. Reviews I’ll take though… more than gladly.I can’t explain what I was thinking when I wrote this chapter, it felt like I was dreaming and spaced out somehow. And that’s what you see there, but it was kinda the whole point, so. No worries.
Sigh. The song's "Jillian", btw, by Within Temptation.
QUESTIONING FATE
// Chapter 7
“...I’ve been dreaming for so long,
to find a meaning to understand.
The secret of life,
why am I here to try again?
Will I always, will you always
see the truth when it stares you in the face?
Will I ever, will I never free myself
by breaking these chains?
I’d give my heart, I’d give my soul.
I’d turn it back, it’s my fault.
Your destiny is forlorn,
have to live till it’s undone.
I’d give my heart, I’d give my soul.
I’d turn it back and then at last I’ll be on my way...”
The silence between us is unbreakable… It’s a cold layer between the two of us that you cannot see, cannot touch. Layer you cannot smash; not physically, not verbally. What can you do?
Wait, just wait. Patience is a virtue.
I don’t blame her for being silent, I really don’t. It’s not easy to hear that one wrong decision can end up screwing up your whole life and marriage just like that. One lousy decision can take away everything you’ve ever achieved and break your world into millions of little pieces that no one can glue back together, not ever. Life’s a puzzle no one can solve and it applies to you too.
Your life is a puzzle - what you gonna do about it? She doesn’t know.
What makes it all so much worse… is to know that the decision that shook the ground underneath you making you fall… was one made by you. Who wants to know your downfall was your own fault, honestly? So no, I don’t blame her. Take your time, figure it out.
And you know, after being the one to tell her all that, I don’t even attempt to talk. The idea of her smacking me across the face all the sudden while I’m driving doesn’t really work with me. Though she’s really not the type to attack me like that, but you can never be too careful. I try not to stare at her but it’s really hard. Here she is. The one of whom I’ve heard so many great stories that it’s hard to keep track of them all. The strong woman who fought by his side till her dying day; the perfect mother and wife. A fighter like Sarah Connor had been. You can’t beat. I gave up trying a long time ago and accepted the fact you can’t compete with a shadow… but now, she’s not a shadow anymore… She’s right there. If I reached out my hand I could touch her, feel her skin.
I wish things were different. But they’re not. What’s so special about her anyway? She’s not even that beautiful!
She’s sitting next to me, looking down to her hands on her laps without saying a word. She looks like she’s about to cry but I know she’s too tough to do that. She’s Kate Brewster after all; she can’t afford to let her feelings out into the open like that. After everything I’ve been through, I still can’t even begin to imagine what she’s thinking right now. People always say they wish they’d know their future but when they do find out… they wish they didn’t. It’s a dilemma. I don’t know what my future will be; I don’t know when I made a bad decision that will eventually fuck up my life. And that’s exactly why I don’t know what’s going through her head right now.
No, there’s no one here to tell me I have a second chance like I’m telling her. I just hope she’d believe me and take my advice instead of fighting back and denying the truth.
Kate, you have a second chance to make it all better. Take it, use it; change it.
0000
...1 hour before
When everything happens too fast for your mind to actually understand it all seems… surreal. You’re there, but you aren’t. You see it happening, but to someone else. You’re outside your body; observing, making notes. But you’re not involved. The minute it hits you, the minute you realize it in fact is happening to you… you see everything a little bit differently; through some one else’s eyes. Is this really me? Is this really what just happened? Why? Why me? You don’t know, they don’t know. No one knows. God forbid.
Slowly, my mind keeps rewinding it to understand it better. Let’s go through this once more. At first I was on my way to the hospital… I called Doctor Jacobs last night from the hospital when John was still with… her. I didn’t have time to go see him then and some part of me was too scared to go either. Seeing him would’ve seemed so final… But, lucky for me, someone had cancelled her appointment which was supposed to take place the following day… today. Well lucky and lucky, this is not something I’m gladly about to do. Get rid of the baby that is.
John would kill me if he knew.
So, I am walking down the street thinking of him when it happens. I glance to my right, then to my left to see if it is safe enough to cross the road and without thinking it more I step into the driveway. I don’t see the car coming closer, not till it almost touches me but that’s when someone pulls my arm and makes me land on my ass. Whoah, that was close! It hurts a little which always sucks, but I’m pretty sure being hit by a car would’ve hurt more. The driver didn’t even stop the car to see if I’m alright, just speeds away. Asshole. So, I get up to thank the unknown person picking up my purse, but the thank you gets forgotten the minute I look up…
I freeze.
Which one surprised me more? Being almost hit by a car or the person who just saved my life?
"Are you ok?" She asks.
Are you ok? Do you really want to know or are you just being polite? Am I ok? No.
"I’m fine, thanks", I say. A lie.
What the hell are you doing here? Who are you?
"Anytime." She smiles.
Guess we’re even now, huh?
"I… I need to go." I move to leave, but she stops me by grabbing my arm. My eyes shoot up to glare into hers.
"No, don’t! I know what you’re gonna do and trust me, Kate, it’s not a good idea."
I try to shake my arm to free myself from her grip, but surprisingly she lets my arm go and takes a step backwards.
"What’s going on?"
She laughs. Why? It’s not that weird for one to ask that kind of question in a situation like this, is it? All the sudden I’m mad at her and I don’t know why.
"What’s going on? Well you see, a car was about to run over you and I didn’t exactly feel like letting you or your baby get slashed… you have no idea how important it is for you to give that baby a chance to live." Her tone is beyond sarcastic and even though I’d like to make some witty remark, I can’t. I don’t know what to say. Confusion fills my head up, messes everything up.
"Who are you?" I whisper not being able to control my voice, "How do you know about that?" The icky feeling somewhere in the back of my mind just grows stronger and stronger... the only way she could know this all is if she’s…
"I’m… from the future, Kate."
Fuck.
She looks sad, almost vulnerable to me. Well, it’s none of my business! I don’t care from where you are, it doesn’t have anything to do with me! I force my chin up saying; "I’m not gonna keep this baby."
"I know." Why does she smile like that, like she’d know it all? I hate her already and I don’t even know her.
"How do you think I knew you’d be here Kate?" She continues before I have time to say anything. I shrug but the words refuse to come out of my mouth… I don’t know… "I knew it because the last time you were heading towards abortion clinic you got hit by a car."
Automatically I shake my head denying her words. No, that’s not true. "But… But…"
"You also lost the baby."
How can she say those words with such a cold, harsh voice? It takes all my willpower and strength to sound as cold as she does. "Why should I give birth to it then? It died in your time, what’s it gonna change?"
She nods admitting. "Yes, that’s true. And that’s also how John found out you were pregnant and it ruined your marriage."
The shock hits me in waves. Breathe Kate, in and out, breathe. "Why should you care?"
"… I just do. It doesn’t matter why. What matters is that you can’t kill this baby. You regretted it for the rest of your life and I don’t want to see you repeat that mistake."
Frustration and worry, it’s what I can hear in her voice. "I don’t understand this."
"It’s not needed for you to understand, just believe me. Kate, you have a second chance to make it all better. I’m offering you something so valuable that you wouldn’t believe. Just take it, use it and change it."
Just take it, she says, use it and change it. Change what? Why? Maybe she’s a goddamn new kind of terminator only designed to fuck up my life. Maybe she’s the enemy? Maybe she’s lying to me? How can I be sure of anything?
"What are you getting out of this?"
Again, she shrugs. "Hopefully I’ll be able to stop the Judgment Day and protect your marriage while doing so."
Something flashes in her eyes that I can’t recognize… something like unbearable pain and suffering. Did she just remember something horrible that happened in the war?
"We already stopped the Judgment Day," I exclaim carefully, not really sure about that one anymore. I may not like her, but even then adding other's pain isn’t my favorite thing to do.
"No, you postponed it, again. I need to see your father, Kate. I need to tell him something."
0000
...present time
Cartoons. What’s with them? Are they supposed to be funny? I don’t get it. There are… things chasing each other, hitting each other with some kind of stupid hammers, exploding bombs and doing insane stuff and that’s supposed to make me laugh? No way in hell. If people actually knew what kind of world this will be, they wouldn’t be making fun of this kind of stuff.
Christ. I turn off the TV sighing and throw the remote controller on the sofa beside me. Old grumpy-looking cat rubs herself against my leg hinting me to pet it but I’m too tired to bend down to actually do that.
Closing my eyes I lean back. What in earth am I supposed to do now? Where am I supposed to go?
I called dad earlier. The voice answering the phone made my heart skip a beat and at first I didn’t realize it was an answering machine instead of him. I know it was him though, I’d recognize that voice even if I was sleeping. It felt like I would’ve been anyway. You know the feeling when you can’t honestly say if you’re sleeping or awake? That’s how the moment seemed to me. Only when I heard his voice again I woke up.
I knew I shouldn’t have been surprised, I did call him but I didn’t expect him to answer.
No, I was already leaving a voice message to Robin when the line suddenly clicked and nervous male voice said: "hello?" Yeah, just hello and nothing else. But I knew it was him.
"Who is this?"
You can’t tell him your real name, I reminded myself. You can’t tell him who you really are. Robin would kill me. Then what am I gonna say? How can I explain that a 10 years old girl knows something that might actually save the world and stop the Judgment Day? Well, I came to the conclusion I should start with what matters the most.
With me. "My… my name’s Sarah." I can hear him draw a breath. "I need to speak to a Robin. Is she there?"
My way of thinking is very simple, but I think it’s only fair when I haven’t even gotten real boobs yet. If Robin hasn’t met dad, he would have probably said it’s a wrong number and then… well, I don’t know what I would have done then. I figured I should worry that when the time comes.
"Who are you?"
He didn’t mean my name, did he? The smile on my face was wider than ever. His tone of voice clearly told he had met her. Wohoo!
"I told you, I’m Sarah," I said and continued, "I followed Robin… from the future."
I know what Robin will do to me when I finally meet her. She’ll smack me and yell at me and she’ll be pissed off. It’s ok, I deserve that and I’ll smack her right back after that. She deserves it too. The one thing dad’s been constantly saying to us all is that you do not mess with the timeline. What will be, will be and that’s the end of it. I don’t know what’s the big fuss, the terminator changed the timeline when he went back to save my parents… but still, Robin broke that rule by coming here and left no choice for me. Dad can’t help her from the future. Neither could I, but I can do it here. And she needs me even though she doesn’t know it yet.
I may be ten, well eleven soon, but I’m not stupid. Saving the world is rough stuff, but we’ll figure it out. Hopefully. Dad and mom did and I have their genes, right? How hard can it be?
My eyes snap open when I hear the doorbell ring.