(no subject)
When I was at UC Berkeley, I knew I won’t kill myself yet. There’s so much more to experience. I realized that the environment can motivate me, I saw people with just boxers on, books about cannabis on the streets, girl with a purple hair, student alone with his laptop on the grass and it makes sense to me. Life is strange but interesting. I want to study with people the way I like, I want to meet people who don’t wear underwear, people who go sex with boys and girls, people who do drugs, people with satyriasis, people who masturbate in public, people who tried killing themselves, people who tried killing others, people who committed abortion, people with tits pierced and more. I want to learn something from them. I’m gonna make friends with people I like this time, people who care for non-material things. I’m going to St Mary’s next time, it’s got a different crowd, anyway I’m also applying there. UCSF is comparable to UC Berkeley, so there’s a lot of schools to choose from. I was reading a volume about the mind until 6 in the morning and it is really needing a lot of thinking, there is still a lot to learn, so I learned not to think about suicide and death anymore, I felt while I was walking towards the library that life can be how you want it to be if you’ll just make it. I just wish to be free from this mental instability, so that I can do what I really like.
I don’t know the strategy yet, need to work on it before the test, I just wish to get a score that’s acceptable to any of the universities.
But the weird thing is I think about killing myself after I finish school.