We are Broken
OK so I really have no idea what goes through my mind anymore. I have been so disoriented for like the past few weeks. I mean well I told Dori how i felt and that basically back fired, though I got over it much more quickly this time then I did last time. I well kinda started cutting myself lately but I'll go in to that later. I kinda feel like my friends all think I'm this immature whinny teenager who needs to get over herself(my words not theirs),but maybe I'm just being paranoid. I also think they think that I just want attention(which is not true)and I kinda regret telling them that I cut myself for that reason.
OK about the cutting thing well I started awhile ago cause i was just stressed out and was in a middle of people telling me that I complain to much, so I started doing that instead. I also started cause I apparently have abandonment issues, so when some ones mad at me or leaves me in some way, I feel weird like I'm not worth anything or like I did something wrong. So I started cutting myself to get rid of that feeling. Granted it wasn't only when people were mad at me, it was also when suddenly people weren't acting the same around me, for example Dan being all nice to me and letting me use him as a pillow and all that and then suddenly not letting me do that and not giving me hugs or something like that.I guess my parents don't really help with that considering I'm the lost child in the family. So well now the cutting is just an addiction I'm trying really hard to break.
Although I sound really calm about the whole cutting thing it still scares me to death that I can't stop. My friends have basically all given up on me. I really wish they didn't but its too late now.
Chelsea and I are fighting once again but this time it involves mike. I just have to tell you that what they did wasn't right. I know what I said wasn't right either and I'm sorry for saying it but that still gives them no right to talk about me behind my back. You may say that mikes your boyfriend so you have a right to know but you don't.
SO yea I'm going to fail web design and life issues cause one of my teachers has no idea what there doing and the other ones just crazy. OOOO! I am happy that I only have two finals Woot!
P.S To anyone who cares - I haven't cut myself in two days after today ends.
OK about the cutting thing well I started awhile ago cause i was just stressed out and was in a middle of people telling me that I complain to much, so I started doing that instead. I also started cause I apparently have abandonment issues, so when some ones mad at me or leaves me in some way, I feel weird like I'm not worth anything or like I did something wrong. So I started cutting myself to get rid of that feeling. Granted it wasn't only when people were mad at me, it was also when suddenly people weren't acting the same around me, for example Dan being all nice to me and letting me use him as a pillow and all that and then suddenly not letting me do that and not giving me hugs or something like that.I guess my parents don't really help with that considering I'm the lost child in the family. So well now the cutting is just an addiction I'm trying really hard to break.
Although I sound really calm about the whole cutting thing it still scares me to death that I can't stop. My friends have basically all given up on me. I really wish they didn't but its too late now.
Chelsea and I are fighting once again but this time it involves mike. I just have to tell you that what they did wasn't right. I know what I said wasn't right either and I'm sorry for saying it but that still gives them no right to talk about me behind my back. You may say that mikes your boyfriend so you have a right to know but you don't.
SO yea I'm going to fail web design and life issues cause one of my teachers has no idea what there doing and the other ones just crazy. OOOO! I am happy that I only have two finals Woot!
P.S To anyone who cares - I haven't cut myself in two days after today ends.