Spring cleaning and random musings. Thoughts wanted
Have you ever had the thought: "Now I'm ready to let go of the past"? The idea of this is actually quite intriguing. We as humans have this immense capacity to be able to remember things, we have memories from as early as 3 years of age, and as we grow up these stay with us, whist new ones are created. We have this unlimited space where we can keep old memories, store them for one reason or another, and be able to remember them, often with perfect clarity, later on. This is especially true in the case of love. You get old couples who still remember the first time they met, or couples that have sex almost every night that still remember their first time...
My cellphone inbox is much like this. I seem to have an unlimited space for text messages on it, and it just stores them all, simple as that. Granted every now and then I have cleaned it out of the useless ones, but still I have currently 2016 messages in it, of which a lot of them are from my bf.
Now here is where letting go of the past comes into it. I have been with my bf 7 months currently, and I am immensely happy with him. But that has just been one stretch. Over the course of my life, I have actually been with him 3 times. And I remember things from all three. The first two times we just didn't work...first time because we were both young and immature (he was angry and broke my spirit before ending it), and the second time because he spent the whole time fixing what he had broken previously.
This is the thing...the second time round we were texting a lot, and on my phone I had text after text from him during this time, that I have never had the heart to get rid of...things he said that were deceptively sweet, when in reality he wasn't like that at all, hings he doesn't say now (because simply he doesn't need to). Today that all changed.
Currently he is with his father in Africa, and I am studying for my pre-uni exams which I will be taking in less than a month, so yeah there is a lot of change happening in my life at the moment. And thing is, he has been there through all of it. Today though, whilst looking through my phone, I realised...I AM ready to move on. And I started deleting messages...messages that are years old, that I kept because they made my heart ache. I always figured this was a good thing, but thinking back on the relationship, it wasn't. That second stretch I was forever so confused, so lost. I didn't know which was up which when it came to him, and I hated it. And finally today...I have let that go.
I remember the first time, I thought we were always going to be together, but then we broke up and things got ugly. The second time round I thought we would last, but we didn't, and so this time round I had my reservations. But maybe that was how it was meant to be? Maybe before, the timing just wasn't right. This time, we are working, and we are amazing together. There have been times that I have honestly thought "This is it" and yet it never has been.
Yes we have had some rough and rocky moments, but we are together now. Whatever our past, right here, right now, we are together, and we are happy, and it leads me to wonder...
In our lives, is there one person that no matter what your past, you are destined to be with him? Is there one person that regardless what has happened, in the end you will be with him, because it is meant to be. And if that person does exist, how do we know that is the case? Is it that we have this feeling? Or is it, like many things, a question of time running its course and us finding out along the way?
If its true that there is one person we are meant to be with, regardless of what may be, maybe, for me, he could be that person?
My cellphone inbox is much like this. I seem to have an unlimited space for text messages on it, and it just stores them all, simple as that. Granted every now and then I have cleaned it out of the useless ones, but still I have currently 2016 messages in it, of which a lot of them are from my bf.
Now here is where letting go of the past comes into it. I have been with my bf 7 months currently, and I am immensely happy with him. But that has just been one stretch. Over the course of my life, I have actually been with him 3 times. And I remember things from all three. The first two times we just didn't work...first time because we were both young and immature (he was angry and broke my spirit before ending it), and the second time because he spent the whole time fixing what he had broken previously.
This is the thing...the second time round we were texting a lot, and on my phone I had text after text from him during this time, that I have never had the heart to get rid of...things he said that were deceptively sweet, when in reality he wasn't like that at all, hings he doesn't say now (because simply he doesn't need to). Today that all changed.
Currently he is with his father in Africa, and I am studying for my pre-uni exams which I will be taking in less than a month, so yeah there is a lot of change happening in my life at the moment. And thing is, he has been there through all of it. Today though, whilst looking through my phone, I realised...I AM ready to move on. And I started deleting messages...messages that are years old, that I kept because they made my heart ache. I always figured this was a good thing, but thinking back on the relationship, it wasn't. That second stretch I was forever so confused, so lost. I didn't know which was up which when it came to him, and I hated it. And finally today...I have let that go.
I remember the first time, I thought we were always going to be together, but then we broke up and things got ugly. The second time round I thought we would last, but we didn't, and so this time round I had my reservations. But maybe that was how it was meant to be? Maybe before, the timing just wasn't right. This time, we are working, and we are amazing together. There have been times that I have honestly thought "This is it" and yet it never has been.
Yes we have had some rough and rocky moments, but we are together now. Whatever our past, right here, right now, we are together, and we are happy, and it leads me to wonder...
In our lives, is there one person that no matter what your past, you are destined to be with him? Is there one person that regardless what has happened, in the end you will be with him, because it is meant to be. And if that person does exist, how do we know that is the case? Is it that we have this feeling? Or is it, like many things, a question of time running its course and us finding out along the way?
If its true that there is one person we are meant to be with, regardless of what may be, maybe, for me, he could be that person?