Understanding
A fic written for the charity drive over at bsg_epics for the prompt "Laura & Leoben non-shippy post-"Revelations" fic that references the events of "Flesh & Bone" and altered (with the permission of the prompter) to be mid-"Revelations".
Title: Understanding
Rating: K
Characters: Laura, Leoben
Summary: Laura and Leoben have a conversation while she's stuck on the Baseship in Revelations
Word Count: 6,296
Disclaimer: Sadly not mine.
One quick note before I start - this is my first attempt at writing Leoben and I started it before the commenting day over at epics and have therefore avoided reading anyone else's Leoben fics so far to keep from accidentally taking any of their mannerisms...that being said I'm curious what y'all think of my interpretation of Leoben and I'm excited/nervous to go see how other people have written him. Let me know what you think :)
Understanding
Laura paced the cold and sterile halls of the Baseship listening to the soft hum of the ship’s glowing red light as it streamed passed her in a repetitive cycle. She had no idea exactly what the red substance was - all Laura knew was that it was the only thing that had been keeping her company since she left the room where she and Baltar had been staying. Baltar had gone to try and convince D’Anna to stand down, and after a while Laura simply couldn’t stay in the sitting alone in the room anymore.
Knowing that D’Anna and a few other cylons had flown to Galactica, and since there hadn’t been anymore announcements after the proclamation that Galen Tyrol and Sam Anders had joined Sual Tigh in the airlock, Laura had to assume that some sort of negotiations were underway. She at least took the lack of gunshots around her as a good sign.
Waiting around with nothing but the hum of the ship and her own thoughts to pass the time, Laura was starting to get agitated. She’d spent enough time thinking about Tory, and the others, and how she could possibly have missed the fact that they were cylons - now she just wanted to get back to Galactica to help with whatever deliberations were going on.
Unfortunately the sharp click of her heels in counterpart to the hum of the ship’s red light only served to remind her of how useless she was stranded on the baseship. Laura knew there wasn’t any way she could get off the ship on her own - she’d certainly spent enough time pacing the corridors to confirm that - but she was still frustrated that she couldn’t be doing something useful. She was after all the President of the Twelve Colonies. Wasn’t she?
She’d heard that Lee had taken over her position in her absence onboard the baseship, and listening to him threatening D’Anna over the loudspeakers she had certainly been impressed with how he seemed to be handling the job, but now she was ready to get back to work. Until she could do that, however, she was stuck pacing the corridors of the baseship, simply waiting for someone to come tell her that she could leave.
Laura was just beginning to contemplate turning around and trying to find her way back to the control room to demand that someone call a raptor for her release, when she walked passed yet another opening in the corridor leading to a side room. The room was similar to most of the others she’d passed - sterile walls and floor, the whirring red light, and a few pieces of furniture to make the room functional.
This room had two couches in place of the benches or settees that she’d seen in some of the other rooms, but that wasn’t what made it different. No, what differentiated this room from all of the others was the fact that it held the first living being Laura had seen since Baltar left to find D’Anna.
Laura’s step slowed briefly as she took in occupant of the room and realized that it was one of the Leoben models. She considered continuing on her path and simply ignoring him, which was probably the smart thing to do, but for some reason she couldn’t exactly explain Laura was compelled to go in and speak with him.
Maybe it was being cooped up on an unknown ship for multiple days with cylons and Gauis Baltar as her only company, or maybe it was just boredom, but whatever the reason, Laura found herself walking into the room to sit on the couch opposite the Leoben.
As she sat down he looked up at her from where he was seated with his elbows resting on his knees and hands clasped together, but didn’t give her any kind of verbal acknowledgement. Laura waited for a minute to see if he would say anything, maybe ask her why she was there, why she was intruding in his space, but he just continued to stare at her.
Feeling slightly unnerved Laura finally spoke up, “Why did you help us earlier?” She was slightly surprised by the candor of her question when it escaped her. She’d been contemplating making small talk or asking him about getting off the ship, but instead she’d asked the question that she’d really been wondering about since she sat down.
Leoben just quirked an eyebrow at her and Laura felt the need to elaborate, “Before…when D’Anna was planning to execute some of the hostages in her negotiations, why did you warn us?” His expression became somewhat quizzical as he realized what she was asking. “Why help us stop her?” she continued when he didn’t immediately respond.
“You are the same copy that I’ve met before, right?” Laura asked with a bit of incredulity, “I’m not mistaking your recognition when you saw me for the expression of a copy who’s just heard tell of the President?”
Leoben slowly shook his head and then as if realizing that would give two different answers depending on which question he was responding to, he spoke, “Yes I’m the same copy you met earlier, but I don’t know what to tell you in response to your question. I’m not really sure what answer you’re looking for.”
“How about the truth?” Laura responded with a quirked eyebrow of her own. The corner of Leoben’s mouth twitched into the slightest hint of a smile at her remark and he replied, “The truth. Alright. I warned you about the hostages because D’Anna was going to disintegrate the truce that we’d worked to get and not all of us like her assumption that she can single handedly make decisions that affect all cylons.”
Laura nodded thoughtfully. His answer made sense, but she still felt…”There’s more isn’t there?” she said as she lent against the arm of the couch and angled her body to face him. “What do you mean?” Leoben asked with a curious tone, but the look in his eyes betrayed that he might well know exactly what she meant.
“I just can’t help but think that can’t be all there is to it” Laura responded as she looked Leoben over as if trying to gauge an opponent’s strengths. “You confirmed that you’re the model that I met earlier, but you didn’t just mean today, right? You’re the same model that I’ve met on other occasions as well, yes?”
“That’s right.” Leoben said archly as he laid his arm across the back of his couch and leaned back to mirror Laura. “Then why help me?” Laura asked again. “There were plenty of other ways that you could’ve tried to stop D’Anna. You could’ve tried to talk to her yourself, you could’ve incapacitated her…instead you came to warn me. Why?”
“Maybe that was all I could think to do in the heat of the moment” Leoben said a somewhat cocky smirk. “Maybe,” Laura replied doubtfully, “But even in the heat of the moment it seems unlikely that your first response would be to go to someone who has tossed you out an airlock with no qualms whatsoever in the past.”
“Ah yes” Leoben responded with ill fitting cheerfulness, as though he was recalling fond memories, “I thought we might get to that sooner or later.” “So,” Laura said as she sat forward expectantly, “Why help me after that?”
Instead of responding to her question Leoben looked her up and down contemplatively and then said, “You know you’ve always been different. Special.” Laura pursed her lips slightly, unsure if she understood or wanted to understand where the conversation was going, but she stayed silent, content to let him continue for now, “I’ve know it since that first day we met. That day you sent me out the airlock. There’s something special about you…I could sense it.”
“You’re like Kara,” at that Laura had to raise her eyebrows a little, it had been a long time since she’d been compared to anyone as brash and impulsive as Kara Thrace, “You both have a special path, and I can hear it humming around you.”
Laura chuckled and looked skeptically at Leoben, “You know I’d heard that you talked like this, but I’ve never had the chance to observe for myself. It certainly does make you seem crazier.”
“Perhaps,” Leoben said with an acknowledging tilt of his head that made Laura question just how much of the semi-insane façade was purposefully crafted, “But what I have to say is true all the same. You have a destiny. I know it, you know it, there’s no need to dance around it.”
Eyeing him with more caution now, Laura waited for him to continue. “Your destiny hums and sings around you like a choir. The fact that I can hear it while you can merely sense it simply means that I am more in tune with the universe than you are. I float in the stream while you are contained to your small consciousness.”
Laura rolled her eyes at him and began to push off the sofa to leave - she’d had enough of his cylon mysticism for one day - when Leoben’s next words, spoken matter-of-factly, stopped her, “But you know all about that don’t you.”
“Excuse me?” She asked in a coldly calm manner…she didn’t like being compared to Leoben in any way, especially by the cylon himself, “You know all about what it’s like to swim in the larger stream. You’re human consciousness isn’t able to go there unaided, but you’ve used certain aids enough to know the expansive, all-encompassing feeling that I maintain within the stream.”
Laura felt a tickling chill in her spine as she recalled exactly how chamalla made her feel and contemplated Leoben’s words. “You don’t have to admit that you agree with me,” Leoben said softly as though he was magnanimously letting her off the hook, “but you do understand that I’m right when I tell you I can sense your destiny - just like chamalla allowed you to similarly sense things on many occasions.”
Crossing her legs and glaring slightly at Leoben, Laura refused to acknowledge what he said. Instead, she merely sat back silently to wait for what he would say next. “Your destiny sings around you, but it is a different melody than Kara’s. It is a melody that I’m not as familiar with, but one that I would no sooner halt than confine myself to a limited mortal consciousness.”
“Let me get this straight,” Laura said as she looked critically at Leoben while he gazed at her, “What you’re saying is that you chose to warn us about D’Anna not only to help maintain the alliance, but also to make sure I meet whatever it is you view as my destiny?”
“Yes.” Leoben said with a sharp nod, seemingly content that she’d followed his logic and understood his motive, “D’Anna would undoubtedly have airlocked you as one of the first hostages to make her point, and that simply could not be allowed.”
“Because it’s not my destiny” Laura said skeptically. Leoben nodded slowly at her like small child who was having trouble grasping an easy concept. “So you know what my destiny is?” She said disbelievingly, but her tone was tinged with more hope than she would’ve liked…perhaps this cylon, whether he was slightly crazy or truly gifted, could tell her something about her fate.
“I never claimed to know your destiny” Leoben said with a shake of his head that dashed whatever irrational hopes she’d had on the subject, “I simply know that you have an important one and that it could not be completed if D’Anna had killed you now. The melody is not done playing.”
Getting annoyed with his metaphors Laura snapped, “So why do you care? If you don’t know what my destiny is, and you have no idea if it will benefit you in any way, why stop her from airlocking the woman who did the same to you? Wouldn’t you see that as some sort of poetic justice?”
Responding in a tone so patient that it only served to aggravate Laura further, Leoben said, “I have already told you that I have no desire to halt your melody. What’s more, I knew from the day we met…when I first saw you in the doorway of the room where I was being tortured for information by Kara, that our destinies would never properly entwine.”
Annoyed, Laura said sharply, “How could you possibly know anything that day? All you were doing was trying to lie as much as possible to save your own hide!”
Smiling indulgently at her outburst Leoben leaned forward to meet her eyes and said, “I did know that first day. I knew that you wouldn’t let me live - just as I knew Kara would never be able to fully let me go. Kara and my melodies complement one another - ours are dissonant. You would never think to consider me separately beyond what effects I might have on your fleet, which is how I knew what you would do that day.”
Putting his elbows on his knees, Leoben clasped his hands and stared at them for a minute before looking up at Laura and sighing like he was about to reveal some great secret. He was silent for a moment more, and Laura was just deciding whether she felt intrigued or annoyed by this turn of events when he spoke, “You know I considered you that day.”
“I’m sorry?” Laura asked, genuinely lost for the first time in their conversation, “The day I ordered you thrown out the airlock? ‘Considered’ me how?”
“No, no. “ Leoben shook his head, “Not then. On New Caprica. The day we came to try and bring peace.” Laura stiffened at his use of that expression, “Bring peace,” she spat angrily at him as she stood to leave, “That’s exactly what you did alright, bring peace to New Caprica. Like it wasn’t already enough of a hell hole before you got there, but I’m sure the detention centers really added a nice peaceful touch.”
As she angrily whipped around and stepped to leave the room Leoben jumped out of his seat at an inhuman pace and grabbed her arm. Turning back to him with a look of rage and a bit of fear, Laura opened her mouth to yell at him when he said, “I’m sorry.”
She was momentarily dumbstruck and remained silent, she’d expected yelling or physical blows as the result of berating the cylon, not an apology. “I’m sorry. That was the wrong thing to say.” So he wasn’t trying to apologize for the actual events on New Caprica, just for bringing it up…Laura couldn’t decide if that made her more or less angry.
“That wasn’t what I was trying to say at all, and I should be more careful about considering my words from your point of view.” Never having had this in depth a conversation with a cylon before - at least not someone she knew was a cylon she thought ruefully - Laura halted her efforts towards the door.
He removed his hand from her arm and gently, almost absently, smoothed out her sleeve before he continued, “New Caprica was not a happy time in our histories, but that’s not what I was trying to explain, so if you will let me continue…” He nodded back towards the couch she’d been sitting on and Laura found herself sitting stiffly with a small nod.
She’d let him continue - after all he’d looked so sincere when asking to go on, and part of her was curious what he had to say. Of course a part of her also thought she might be crazy for staying in the same room as Leoben, but there was nothing else for her to do until they announced a raptor to take her to Galactica, so she might as well hear what he had to say. Especially now that it was clear that his intention didn’t seem to be to injure her in any way.
“As I was trying to say,” Leoben began again cautiously, “I considered you that day we came to New Caprica.” “Considered,” Laura said again slowly, unsure of what he meant and waiting for an elaboration. “Yes,” he responded, “I briefly considered taking you with me instead of Kara, or maybe in addition to…I hadn’t really thought it through,”
Laura felt her throat go dry at that admission, and she attempted to swallow so she could unstick her tongue from the roof of her mouth to ask why, but before she could get over her initial horror at the concept, Leoben continued, “I knew that things were probably going to get bad…we came to make peace, but the sounds of the echoes of the future in the stream were not peaceful, and I knew that bad things were likely to come. I wanted to take you with me, to protect you from the world, to ensure your melody continued - like I did for Kara,”
Yeah right, like you did for Kara Laura thought viciously as she listened to this machine describe how he ‘saved’ Captain Thrace. Glancing down she noticed her nails were digging deep into her palm, she simply couldn’t believe the blatant lies this…this thing was saying - but looking back up at him Laura realized that he truly believed he’d been doing a good thing.
Shuddering at that thought, and wondering if that was how Lieutenant Agathon viewed her and her choice to protect his daughter, Laura listened to Leoben go on, “I considered how I might be able to get you from the school tent to bring you back to the housing we were building, but I quickly realized it was no good.”
Stunned by what she was hearing, and truly unsure of how to process it - should she react to the cylon’s actions or to his intentions? Did one necessarily negate the other? - Laura simply continued to listen, “You see, the moment I saw you in the school tent as I looked in from the outside, your melody hit me - just like it did when I saw you after Kara tortured me - and I knew that you couldn’t come with me. That I couldn’t protect you.”
Too lost in her own thoughts to respond, Laura simply tried to decide if she should be grateful that Leoben chose not to take her with Kara or…or if maybe that actually would’ve been better than everything she endured - the deaths of multiple children in her class that she had to live with, the scars from detention that would never go away - but shockingly Leoben’s own next statement relieved her doubts.
“I knew that I couldn’t protect you because our melodies were still incompatible and it wasn’t my place to try and change that. I saw that I was right when I observed you out and around the settlement during our time on New Caprica.”
Still unsure how to take in everything that he was telling her, but knowing that she couldn’t dwell, that there was nothing she could do for Kara now, so many months after everything that had happened on New Caprica, Laura whispered, “How?” and then repeatedly louder, “How did you know it was the right choice?”
“Because you were meant to be among the people,” Leoben said as he looked straight at her, “A part of your destiny is to be with them…you were their rallying point on New Caprica, a symbol that there was still hope for the future…and never has the humming of your destiny sounded more distinct, more clear, than in those moments I saw you there.”
Stunned by his interpretation, Laura just nodded and tried to take in everything he was saying. Leoben relaxed back into his couch and seemed content to watch her think about everything they’d discussed. After a few minutes of less than companionable, but still not entirely uncomfortable silence, Laura finally spoke again.
“So you believe so strongly in my destiny that you’ll let it affect your own actions, just to somehow make sure it’s somehow, someday fulfilled, but despite that belief you still lied to me before. Why?” When he didn’t immediately respond she clarified her question, “Why tell me that Adama was a cylon when we first met?”
One of the corners of Leoben’s mouth quirked up into a small smile, and Laura felt infuriated, “Is that funny to you? Is messing with people’s emotions and planting unnecessary confusion and worry just some big game to you? Do you enjoy causing people pain?”
Laura could hear her voice rising with each subsequent question, but after everything they’d been talking about it was just too much to try and control her voice.
She couldn’t understand how someone might enjoy putting other living beings in situations like that - in situations like kidnapping Kara, like trying to kill Adama on Ragnar, like telling her that one of her only allies in a new and scary existence was a cylon.
“I mean why lie to me about something like that? If my destiny is so all-important, why not try and help me, why try and make me doubt myself and who I could trust?”
Leoben rose from the couch and began to pace the floor of the cold room. The red light continued to whirr around in the background and as its shadows fell across his skin, it occurred to Laura that for some reason it might actually matter to Leoben what she thought of him.
He certainly seemed to be taking a while to find the right words to say…or perhaps he was just contemplating the best way to get rid of her at the moment, she really had no way of knowing.
When he finally did stop his pacing and turn to speak to her, he sounded sincere enough that Laura believed the conversation might actually be important to him and not just a way to pass the time. “It was never about your destiny, trying to throw you off course, or anything like that. I simply couldn’t understand you.”
He walked around and took a seat at the opposite end of the couch Laura was sitting on. He paused and drew a deep breath before continuing, “Most humans I can understand. They have very basic needs and desires that drive them, or if they don’t then they have a melody, like Kara, that I can understand. But you - from the moment I laid eyes on you you’ve defied those traditional roles.”
Curious as to where he was going with this, and content to let her anger about past actions lie dormant for now, Laura tried to truly listen and maybe understand where Leoben was coming from, “You were dying, yet your concern was not for yourself, but for your fleet. That defies the traditional human desire to protect one’s self above those they don’t know. Now, it makes sense given that you have a destiny that you might defy some human norms I’ve witnessed, but even knowing you had an important destiny, I didn’t know what to make of you. I had never heard a melody similar to yours…so I decided to test you.”
“To test me?” Laura asked to get him to explain in more detail, “I wanted to see how you would react if I told you that Adama was a cylon.” Crossing one leg over the other and resting his hands on his ankle, Leoben went on, “The two of you were close - maybe not personally, and you’re certainly much closer now - but from my place in the stream it was undeniable that you two were inextricably linked. So I wanted to see how you would react to me pushing on that bond.”
“And how did I do?” Laura asked with a fair amount of sarcasm. “You responded well given the circumstances,” he said with no indication that he heard her tone, “At least I feel you did, but it was never really about responding in the correct way.”
“No?” Laura asked with a hint of amusement, “Because I was a teacher for quite a while, and I’m fairly certain that’s how a lot of people would define a test…with a right and a wrong response - or at least with a well-thought-out versus poorly-thought-out response.”
Smiling and dipping his head in acknowledgement of the truth of her response, Leoben said, “Let me amend my statement then. Perhaps I was not testing you that day so much as observing you.”
“But you said that you knew I would throw you out the airlock,” Laura interjected, “How could you honestly hope to observe my reaction if you knew that would be my response as you claim you did.”
“Well,” Leoben said as he shifted one leg up onto the couch and turned to fully face the President, “your initial reaction told me something in itself. You kept the information I told you to yourself, you maintained a calm exterior, and you made an executive decision to have me sent out the airlock. That alone let me know that you were not to be underestimated, and it helped me gauge how you would likely deal with stressful situations in the future.”
Seeing the less than thrilled expression on Laura’s face at the thought of a cylon so closely observing her and assessing her strengths, Leoben added, “Perhaps it’s not information that I’d ever have any reason to use, but knowing something about you - even just how you were likely to react to stress - gave me a starting point so that you didn’t seem so completely beyond my understanding.”
“Besides,” Leoben continued with a light wave of his hand, “Once I downloaded and waited for the next report from one of our cylons within your fleet, I was able to ascertain that you and Adama were still working together, which means that you must have figure it on your own.”
Laura felt a slight blush color her cheeks at his statement and cursed her abnormally pale, diloxan-treated skin for giving away an emotion she could normal keep hidden. Leoben raised an eyebrow and said wryly, “I’m sensing that there’s a story behind that one, but I suppose I’ll let it go since I’ve probably caused you enough trouble on that front already.”
This time it was Laura’s turn to smirk slightly in acknowledgement of his statement and she said, “That’s true. And while the story is rather amusing, I’d prefer to stick to the basic facts for now.” Dropping the subject with a brief nod, Leoben lapsed into silence.
“So you did believe me?” he asked after a bit with such open curiosity, and no readily apparent bad intentions, that Laura felt compelled to respond honestly, “It was hard to imagine Commander Adama as a cylon, even back then, but we were in new and uncertain times, and all avenues had to be explored. So yes, I considered what you said - and it was rather painful to think about the fact that one of the only other people in charge of holding our entire fleet together could’ve been a cylon, but ultimately we were both tested and our results came back human.”
She was silent for a moment and then said quietly, “For all the good that did…it’s not exactly like the tests were foolproof.”
Understanding her shift in topic Leoben nodded and said sympathetically, at least she was assuming it was meant to be a sympathetic tone since she’d never actually heard him use one before, “Yes, we also had no idea who the final cylons were until we unboxed D’Anna. It seems like a flaw in the design not to know who your brothers and sisters are - but who am I to question God’s divine will?”
Sighing Laura said, “Yes. But Gods…who would ever have believed Saul Tigh…Saul Tigh a cylon!”
Running a hand over her forehead Laura shook her head, “Poor Bill. I mean my Gods, it’s just not fair.” Shaking her head again and leaning forward to rest on her knees she continued, “After everything we’ve been through out here…everything Bill’s been through with Zak, with Kara…with me,” she stopped for a moment to self-consciously grasp the ends of her now starkly darker ‘hair’, “it’s just not fair that after losing so much he should have to lose his best friend too.”
Standing and pacing in front of the couch Laura went on, “Honestly though…when is it enough already? Hasn’t he given up a sufficient amount to keep the fleet together? Isn’t he losing enough without adding another person he loves to that list?”
Pausing mid-step as what she’d just said registered, Laura brought her hand back to the strands of her wig and whispered to herself, “It was already going to be hard enough after I’m gone, but now…” she trailed off and stared at the wall with eyes focused far beyond the constantly circling red light.
The silence stretched on for quite some time, and then, as abruptly as she’d fallen silent Laura seemed to suddenly remember exactly where she was. She quickly dropped her hand from her wig and turned back to face Leoben who was still seated exactly the same as before on the couch.
She waited apprehensively to see if he would say anything about her lapse or perhaps ask about her relationship with Bill or her current death sentence - but when he stayed silent and simply continued to look at her, Laura pursed her lips and nodded to herself, accepting his decision to let it go. She had no idea why he wasn’t pushing to know more about her life…her death…her destiny, but whatever the reason he chose to let it go, she was grateful not to talk about it.
Perching on the arm of the couch opposite Leoben and gathering her thoughts Laura said, “I really have no idea how Bill is handling any of this. I need to get back to Galactica as soon as possible…he shouldn’t have to be alone with this big an issue. It’s the President’s job to help the Admiral deal with the policy on an issue like this, and I need to make sure that Bill…”
Leoben watched her re-adopt her strong Presidential image as she prepared to deal with the problem of four of the final five cylons already living within the fleet. He stared at her a moment longer, then spoke, “How long have we been speaking just now?”
Surprised by his question, Laura looked around the room as if there might be some better way to gauge the passage time and when she found none, she responded with an uncertain, “Maybe forty minutes or an hour, I guess…why?”
“We’ve been speaking for the last hour,” Leoben said as he rose from his spot on the couch to stand in front of her, “and you’ve yet to storm out of the room or try to airlock me.” Unsure if she should laugh at what seemed like it might be his attempt at humor, Laura just raised an eyebrow and quirked the corner of her mouth until he continued.
Stepping back to lean against the arm of the couch across from the President, Leoben said, “If you’ve gained even the slightest bit of understanding or discovered even a small bit of common ground during our conversation - which I believe you must have not to have left sooner - then who’s to say that the Admiral won’t be able to do the same with his best friend? Just because he’s a cylon doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t the same man he was before.”
Realizing that Leoben seemed to honestly be trying to offer her some comfort about the situation, Laura once again found herself reeling from their conversation. Why should it matter to him? Why would he try to reassure her that Saul Tigh being a cylon could turn out alright?
As she pondered all these things Laura realized that Leoben had walked over to the wall and placed his hand over the streaming red light - which if she looked at it again seemed to be circulating in a different rhythm. What was he doing? Was he giving some sort of order to the computer system? Was the conversation about Tigh just a distraction to keep her from realizing what he was doing? Would he actually do anything to try to hurt her after all of this?
“You’re shuttle from Galactica will be here soon,” Leoben said as he removed his hand from the red light and turned back to face her.
Relaxing back onto the arm of the couch and releasing a tension that she didn’t realize had coiled in her muscles, Laura inwardly shook her head at her own assumptions. Would there ever really be peace between their two groups, would there ever be any hope of Bill and Saul remaining friends, if she herself couldn’t even attempt to trust the cylons?
“You’re shuttle will be picking you up from the docking bay where Adama landed his raptor before. Do you need me to show you to the docking bay, or do you remember…” “I’ll be fine,” Laura cut him off, “I remember how to get there.”
“Alright” Leoben said as he resumed his seat on the couch, causing Laura to briefly wonder what he’d been doing to pass the time sitting there before she’d arrived, and resumed ignoring her in favor focusing on something far away. Nodding to herself one more time Laura pushed off of the armrest and walked towards the hallway.
Leoben made no move to follow her or to acknowledge her again in any way now that she’d dismissed him. He simply sat on the couch staring straight ahead.
Thinking about Bill and Saul, and her desperate hope that Bill wouldn’t completely tear himself apart over this, Laura forced herself to stop in the doorway and turn back to the man sitting on the couch, “Leoben?” when he looked up at her with a bit of surprise at being spoken to again Laura said softly, “Thank you for warning us about D’Anna’s attempt to execute the hostages today.”
Leoben sat for a moment as he processed what she’d said and what it meant that she’d chosen to say it, before responding. “You’re welcome Madame President.” he said, pronouncing her title in such a way that Laura had to wonder if he was proclaiming some sort of personal loyalty oath.
He sat still for a moment and she could almost swear she saw his expression become more mirthful from all the way across the room before he added, “By the way, I was just wondering…what with the alliance and all…are you planning to airlock me again any time soon?”
Staying rooted to the doorway as she considered her response, Laura replied with cautious humor, “It’s not on my agenda…I didn’t pencil it in for the next week or anything. I have high hopes for this alliance, after all…” She said the last with a small smirk in his direction that Leoben acknowledged with a short huff.
Then, making sure he was looking directly at her before she went on, Laura lowered her voice and continued, “But if you’re asking me if I’ll still airlock you if you do anything to endanger the people I care about or anyone in this fleet? Then yes. Absolutely.”
Dropping his jovial expression and walking to stand a not quite comfortable distance in front of the President, Leoben said slowly, “The truth. That’s refreshing.” Leaning further into her space he quietly added, “And you’d do the same exact same to one of your own who put your people in jeopardy, wouldn’t you?”
Arching one eyebrow and refusing to be uncomfortable due to his invasion of her personal space Laura just waited. “That was quite a lot of blood I saw on the floor where Gauis Baltar was injured…”
She considered lying…considered saying ‘what makes you think I know what happened with his injury?’ or ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’, but finally she just said quietly, “Forgiveness is part of what defines humanity…what makes the human race worthy of survival. It’s not enough just to take responsibility for our mistakes and expect others to do the same…we also have to be able to forgive.”
They then lapsed into silence and stared at one another in the doorway of the Baseship, each attempting to discern the others’ thoughts. She wondered if he understood what she was admitting to, wondered if he’d ever heard tell of the Admiral’s speech shortly before the destruction of their home worlds. They remained staring at each other until an announcement came over the loudspeaker that requested the President report to the docking bay where her shuttle was waiting.
Slowly Laura stepped away from Leoben. She looked him over once more, and when it didn’t bring her any further insights or sudden epiphanies, she turned and headed out of the room.
She was about halfway down the hall when she heard Leoben step out of the room after her and speak, “Laura?” He waited until he heard her pause before continuing, “Laura I forgive you for airlocking me that day we met.” Taking in all of the implications of his statement, Laura finally looked up at Leoben and inclined her head before spinning on her heel and walking back towards the docking bay - towards Galactica, towards Bill and Saul, and the situation that needed her attention. There would be time later - maybe after they found earth - to consider the ramifications of her conversation with Leoben and where it left her opinions on cylons and humanity…for now though, she was needed elsewhere.
Title: Understanding
Rating: K
Characters: Laura, Leoben
Summary: Laura and Leoben have a conversation while she's stuck on the Baseship in Revelations
Word Count: 6,296
Disclaimer: Sadly not mine.
One quick note before I start - this is my first attempt at writing Leoben and I started it before the commenting day over at epics and have therefore avoided reading anyone else's Leoben fics so far to keep from accidentally taking any of their mannerisms...that being said I'm curious what y'all think of my interpretation of Leoben and I'm excited/nervous to go see how other people have written him. Let me know what you think :)
Understanding
Laura paced the cold and sterile halls of the Baseship listening to the soft hum of the ship’s glowing red light as it streamed passed her in a repetitive cycle. She had no idea exactly what the red substance was - all Laura knew was that it was the only thing that had been keeping her company since she left the room where she and Baltar had been staying. Baltar had gone to try and convince D’Anna to stand down, and after a while Laura simply couldn’t stay in the sitting alone in the room anymore.
Knowing that D’Anna and a few other cylons had flown to Galactica, and since there hadn’t been anymore announcements after the proclamation that Galen Tyrol and Sam Anders had joined Sual Tigh in the airlock, Laura had to assume that some sort of negotiations were underway. She at least took the lack of gunshots around her as a good sign.
Waiting around with nothing but the hum of the ship and her own thoughts to pass the time, Laura was starting to get agitated. She’d spent enough time thinking about Tory, and the others, and how she could possibly have missed the fact that they were cylons - now she just wanted to get back to Galactica to help with whatever deliberations were going on.
Unfortunately the sharp click of her heels in counterpart to the hum of the ship’s red light only served to remind her of how useless she was stranded on the baseship. Laura knew there wasn’t any way she could get off the ship on her own - she’d certainly spent enough time pacing the corridors to confirm that - but she was still frustrated that she couldn’t be doing something useful. She was after all the President of the Twelve Colonies. Wasn’t she?
She’d heard that Lee had taken over her position in her absence onboard the baseship, and listening to him threatening D’Anna over the loudspeakers she had certainly been impressed with how he seemed to be handling the job, but now she was ready to get back to work. Until she could do that, however, she was stuck pacing the corridors of the baseship, simply waiting for someone to come tell her that she could leave.
Laura was just beginning to contemplate turning around and trying to find her way back to the control room to demand that someone call a raptor for her release, when she walked passed yet another opening in the corridor leading to a side room. The room was similar to most of the others she’d passed - sterile walls and floor, the whirring red light, and a few pieces of furniture to make the room functional.
This room had two couches in place of the benches or settees that she’d seen in some of the other rooms, but that wasn’t what made it different. No, what differentiated this room from all of the others was the fact that it held the first living being Laura had seen since Baltar left to find D’Anna.
Laura’s step slowed briefly as she took in occupant of the room and realized that it was one of the Leoben models. She considered continuing on her path and simply ignoring him, which was probably the smart thing to do, but for some reason she couldn’t exactly explain Laura was compelled to go in and speak with him.
Maybe it was being cooped up on an unknown ship for multiple days with cylons and Gauis Baltar as her only company, or maybe it was just boredom, but whatever the reason, Laura found herself walking into the room to sit on the couch opposite the Leoben.
As she sat down he looked up at her from where he was seated with his elbows resting on his knees and hands clasped together, but didn’t give her any kind of verbal acknowledgement. Laura waited for a minute to see if he would say anything, maybe ask her why she was there, why she was intruding in his space, but he just continued to stare at her.
Feeling slightly unnerved Laura finally spoke up, “Why did you help us earlier?” She was slightly surprised by the candor of her question when it escaped her. She’d been contemplating making small talk or asking him about getting off the ship, but instead she’d asked the question that she’d really been wondering about since she sat down.
Leoben just quirked an eyebrow at her and Laura felt the need to elaborate, “Before…when D’Anna was planning to execute some of the hostages in her negotiations, why did you warn us?” His expression became somewhat quizzical as he realized what she was asking. “Why help us stop her?” she continued when he didn’t immediately respond.
“You are the same copy that I’ve met before, right?” Laura asked with a bit of incredulity, “I’m not mistaking your recognition when you saw me for the expression of a copy who’s just heard tell of the President?”
Leoben slowly shook his head and then as if realizing that would give two different answers depending on which question he was responding to, he spoke, “Yes I’m the same copy you met earlier, but I don’t know what to tell you in response to your question. I’m not really sure what answer you’re looking for.”
“How about the truth?” Laura responded with a quirked eyebrow of her own. The corner of Leoben’s mouth twitched into the slightest hint of a smile at her remark and he replied, “The truth. Alright. I warned you about the hostages because D’Anna was going to disintegrate the truce that we’d worked to get and not all of us like her assumption that she can single handedly make decisions that affect all cylons.”
Laura nodded thoughtfully. His answer made sense, but she still felt…”There’s more isn’t there?” she said as she lent against the arm of the couch and angled her body to face him. “What do you mean?” Leoben asked with a curious tone, but the look in his eyes betrayed that he might well know exactly what she meant.
“I just can’t help but think that can’t be all there is to it” Laura responded as she looked Leoben over as if trying to gauge an opponent’s strengths. “You confirmed that you’re the model that I met earlier, but you didn’t just mean today, right? You’re the same model that I’ve met on other occasions as well, yes?”
“That’s right.” Leoben said archly as he laid his arm across the back of his couch and leaned back to mirror Laura. “Then why help me?” Laura asked again. “There were plenty of other ways that you could’ve tried to stop D’Anna. You could’ve tried to talk to her yourself, you could’ve incapacitated her…instead you came to warn me. Why?”
“Maybe that was all I could think to do in the heat of the moment” Leoben said a somewhat cocky smirk. “Maybe,” Laura replied doubtfully, “But even in the heat of the moment it seems unlikely that your first response would be to go to someone who has tossed you out an airlock with no qualms whatsoever in the past.”
“Ah yes” Leoben responded with ill fitting cheerfulness, as though he was recalling fond memories, “I thought we might get to that sooner or later.” “So,” Laura said as she sat forward expectantly, “Why help me after that?”
Instead of responding to her question Leoben looked her up and down contemplatively and then said, “You know you’ve always been different. Special.” Laura pursed her lips slightly, unsure if she understood or wanted to understand where the conversation was going, but she stayed silent, content to let him continue for now, “I’ve know it since that first day we met. That day you sent me out the airlock. There’s something special about you…I could sense it.”
“You’re like Kara,” at that Laura had to raise her eyebrows a little, it had been a long time since she’d been compared to anyone as brash and impulsive as Kara Thrace, “You both have a special path, and I can hear it humming around you.”
Laura chuckled and looked skeptically at Leoben, “You know I’d heard that you talked like this, but I’ve never had the chance to observe for myself. It certainly does make you seem crazier.”
“Perhaps,” Leoben said with an acknowledging tilt of his head that made Laura question just how much of the semi-insane façade was purposefully crafted, “But what I have to say is true all the same. You have a destiny. I know it, you know it, there’s no need to dance around it.”
Eyeing him with more caution now, Laura waited for him to continue. “Your destiny hums and sings around you like a choir. The fact that I can hear it while you can merely sense it simply means that I am more in tune with the universe than you are. I float in the stream while you are contained to your small consciousness.”
Laura rolled her eyes at him and began to push off the sofa to leave - she’d had enough of his cylon mysticism for one day - when Leoben’s next words, spoken matter-of-factly, stopped her, “But you know all about that don’t you.”
“Excuse me?” She asked in a coldly calm manner…she didn’t like being compared to Leoben in any way, especially by the cylon himself, “You know all about what it’s like to swim in the larger stream. You’re human consciousness isn’t able to go there unaided, but you’ve used certain aids enough to know the expansive, all-encompassing feeling that I maintain within the stream.”
Laura felt a tickling chill in her spine as she recalled exactly how chamalla made her feel and contemplated Leoben’s words. “You don’t have to admit that you agree with me,” Leoben said softly as though he was magnanimously letting her off the hook, “but you do understand that I’m right when I tell you I can sense your destiny - just like chamalla allowed you to similarly sense things on many occasions.”
Crossing her legs and glaring slightly at Leoben, Laura refused to acknowledge what he said. Instead, she merely sat back silently to wait for what he would say next. “Your destiny sings around you, but it is a different melody than Kara’s. It is a melody that I’m not as familiar with, but one that I would no sooner halt than confine myself to a limited mortal consciousness.”
“Let me get this straight,” Laura said as she looked critically at Leoben while he gazed at her, “What you’re saying is that you chose to warn us about D’Anna not only to help maintain the alliance, but also to make sure I meet whatever it is you view as my destiny?”
“Yes.” Leoben said with a sharp nod, seemingly content that she’d followed his logic and understood his motive, “D’Anna would undoubtedly have airlocked you as one of the first hostages to make her point, and that simply could not be allowed.”
“Because it’s not my destiny” Laura said skeptically. Leoben nodded slowly at her like small child who was having trouble grasping an easy concept. “So you know what my destiny is?” She said disbelievingly, but her tone was tinged with more hope than she would’ve liked…perhaps this cylon, whether he was slightly crazy or truly gifted, could tell her something about her fate.
“I never claimed to know your destiny” Leoben said with a shake of his head that dashed whatever irrational hopes she’d had on the subject, “I simply know that you have an important one and that it could not be completed if D’Anna had killed you now. The melody is not done playing.”
Getting annoyed with his metaphors Laura snapped, “So why do you care? If you don’t know what my destiny is, and you have no idea if it will benefit you in any way, why stop her from airlocking the woman who did the same to you? Wouldn’t you see that as some sort of poetic justice?”
Responding in a tone so patient that it only served to aggravate Laura further, Leoben said, “I have already told you that I have no desire to halt your melody. What’s more, I knew from the day we met…when I first saw you in the doorway of the room where I was being tortured for information by Kara, that our destinies would never properly entwine.”
Annoyed, Laura said sharply, “How could you possibly know anything that day? All you were doing was trying to lie as much as possible to save your own hide!”
Smiling indulgently at her outburst Leoben leaned forward to meet her eyes and said, “I did know that first day. I knew that you wouldn’t let me live - just as I knew Kara would never be able to fully let me go. Kara and my melodies complement one another - ours are dissonant. You would never think to consider me separately beyond what effects I might have on your fleet, which is how I knew what you would do that day.”
Putting his elbows on his knees, Leoben clasped his hands and stared at them for a minute before looking up at Laura and sighing like he was about to reveal some great secret. He was silent for a moment more, and Laura was just deciding whether she felt intrigued or annoyed by this turn of events when he spoke, “You know I considered you that day.”
“I’m sorry?” Laura asked, genuinely lost for the first time in their conversation, “The day I ordered you thrown out the airlock? ‘Considered’ me how?”
“No, no. “ Leoben shook his head, “Not then. On New Caprica. The day we came to try and bring peace.” Laura stiffened at his use of that expression, “Bring peace,” she spat angrily at him as she stood to leave, “That’s exactly what you did alright, bring peace to New Caprica. Like it wasn’t already enough of a hell hole before you got there, but I’m sure the detention centers really added a nice peaceful touch.”
As she angrily whipped around and stepped to leave the room Leoben jumped out of his seat at an inhuman pace and grabbed her arm. Turning back to him with a look of rage and a bit of fear, Laura opened her mouth to yell at him when he said, “I’m sorry.”
She was momentarily dumbstruck and remained silent, she’d expected yelling or physical blows as the result of berating the cylon, not an apology. “I’m sorry. That was the wrong thing to say.” So he wasn’t trying to apologize for the actual events on New Caprica, just for bringing it up…Laura couldn’t decide if that made her more or less angry.
“That wasn’t what I was trying to say at all, and I should be more careful about considering my words from your point of view.” Never having had this in depth a conversation with a cylon before - at least not someone she knew was a cylon she thought ruefully - Laura halted her efforts towards the door.
He removed his hand from her arm and gently, almost absently, smoothed out her sleeve before he continued, “New Caprica was not a happy time in our histories, but that’s not what I was trying to explain, so if you will let me continue…” He nodded back towards the couch she’d been sitting on and Laura found herself sitting stiffly with a small nod.
She’d let him continue - after all he’d looked so sincere when asking to go on, and part of her was curious what he had to say. Of course a part of her also thought she might be crazy for staying in the same room as Leoben, but there was nothing else for her to do until they announced a raptor to take her to Galactica, so she might as well hear what he had to say. Especially now that it was clear that his intention didn’t seem to be to injure her in any way.
“As I was trying to say,” Leoben began again cautiously, “I considered you that day we came to New Caprica.” “Considered,” Laura said again slowly, unsure of what he meant and waiting for an elaboration. “Yes,” he responded, “I briefly considered taking you with me instead of Kara, or maybe in addition to…I hadn’t really thought it through,”
Laura felt her throat go dry at that admission, and she attempted to swallow so she could unstick her tongue from the roof of her mouth to ask why, but before she could get over her initial horror at the concept, Leoben continued, “I knew that things were probably going to get bad…we came to make peace, but the sounds of the echoes of the future in the stream were not peaceful, and I knew that bad things were likely to come. I wanted to take you with me, to protect you from the world, to ensure your melody continued - like I did for Kara,”
Yeah right, like you did for Kara Laura thought viciously as she listened to this machine describe how he ‘saved’ Captain Thrace. Glancing down she noticed her nails were digging deep into her palm, she simply couldn’t believe the blatant lies this…this thing was saying - but looking back up at him Laura realized that he truly believed he’d been doing a good thing.
Shuddering at that thought, and wondering if that was how Lieutenant Agathon viewed her and her choice to protect his daughter, Laura listened to Leoben go on, “I considered how I might be able to get you from the school tent to bring you back to the housing we were building, but I quickly realized it was no good.”
Stunned by what she was hearing, and truly unsure of how to process it - should she react to the cylon’s actions or to his intentions? Did one necessarily negate the other? - Laura simply continued to listen, “You see, the moment I saw you in the school tent as I looked in from the outside, your melody hit me - just like it did when I saw you after Kara tortured me - and I knew that you couldn’t come with me. That I couldn’t protect you.”
Too lost in her own thoughts to respond, Laura simply tried to decide if she should be grateful that Leoben chose not to take her with Kara or…or if maybe that actually would’ve been better than everything she endured - the deaths of multiple children in her class that she had to live with, the scars from detention that would never go away - but shockingly Leoben’s own next statement relieved her doubts.
“I knew that I couldn’t protect you because our melodies were still incompatible and it wasn’t my place to try and change that. I saw that I was right when I observed you out and around the settlement during our time on New Caprica.”
Still unsure how to take in everything that he was telling her, but knowing that she couldn’t dwell, that there was nothing she could do for Kara now, so many months after everything that had happened on New Caprica, Laura whispered, “How?” and then repeatedly louder, “How did you know it was the right choice?”
“Because you were meant to be among the people,” Leoben said as he looked straight at her, “A part of your destiny is to be with them…you were their rallying point on New Caprica, a symbol that there was still hope for the future…and never has the humming of your destiny sounded more distinct, more clear, than in those moments I saw you there.”
Stunned by his interpretation, Laura just nodded and tried to take in everything he was saying. Leoben relaxed back into his couch and seemed content to watch her think about everything they’d discussed. After a few minutes of less than companionable, but still not entirely uncomfortable silence, Laura finally spoke again.
“So you believe so strongly in my destiny that you’ll let it affect your own actions, just to somehow make sure it’s somehow, someday fulfilled, but despite that belief you still lied to me before. Why?” When he didn’t immediately respond she clarified her question, “Why tell me that Adama was a cylon when we first met?”
One of the corners of Leoben’s mouth quirked up into a small smile, and Laura felt infuriated, “Is that funny to you? Is messing with people’s emotions and planting unnecessary confusion and worry just some big game to you? Do you enjoy causing people pain?”
Laura could hear her voice rising with each subsequent question, but after everything they’d been talking about it was just too much to try and control her voice.
She couldn’t understand how someone might enjoy putting other living beings in situations like that - in situations like kidnapping Kara, like trying to kill Adama on Ragnar, like telling her that one of her only allies in a new and scary existence was a cylon.
“I mean why lie to me about something like that? If my destiny is so all-important, why not try and help me, why try and make me doubt myself and who I could trust?”
Leoben rose from the couch and began to pace the floor of the cold room. The red light continued to whirr around in the background and as its shadows fell across his skin, it occurred to Laura that for some reason it might actually matter to Leoben what she thought of him.
He certainly seemed to be taking a while to find the right words to say…or perhaps he was just contemplating the best way to get rid of her at the moment, she really had no way of knowing.
When he finally did stop his pacing and turn to speak to her, he sounded sincere enough that Laura believed the conversation might actually be important to him and not just a way to pass the time. “It was never about your destiny, trying to throw you off course, or anything like that. I simply couldn’t understand you.”
He walked around and took a seat at the opposite end of the couch Laura was sitting on. He paused and drew a deep breath before continuing, “Most humans I can understand. They have very basic needs and desires that drive them, or if they don’t then they have a melody, like Kara, that I can understand. But you - from the moment I laid eyes on you you’ve defied those traditional roles.”
Curious as to where he was going with this, and content to let her anger about past actions lie dormant for now, Laura tried to truly listen and maybe understand where Leoben was coming from, “You were dying, yet your concern was not for yourself, but for your fleet. That defies the traditional human desire to protect one’s self above those they don’t know. Now, it makes sense given that you have a destiny that you might defy some human norms I’ve witnessed, but even knowing you had an important destiny, I didn’t know what to make of you. I had never heard a melody similar to yours…so I decided to test you.”
“To test me?” Laura asked to get him to explain in more detail, “I wanted to see how you would react if I told you that Adama was a cylon.” Crossing one leg over the other and resting his hands on his ankle, Leoben went on, “The two of you were close - maybe not personally, and you’re certainly much closer now - but from my place in the stream it was undeniable that you two were inextricably linked. So I wanted to see how you would react to me pushing on that bond.”
“And how did I do?” Laura asked with a fair amount of sarcasm. “You responded well given the circumstances,” he said with no indication that he heard her tone, “At least I feel you did, but it was never really about responding in the correct way.”
“No?” Laura asked with a hint of amusement, “Because I was a teacher for quite a while, and I’m fairly certain that’s how a lot of people would define a test…with a right and a wrong response - or at least with a well-thought-out versus poorly-thought-out response.”
Smiling and dipping his head in acknowledgement of the truth of her response, Leoben said, “Let me amend my statement then. Perhaps I was not testing you that day so much as observing you.”
“But you said that you knew I would throw you out the airlock,” Laura interjected, “How could you honestly hope to observe my reaction if you knew that would be my response as you claim you did.”
“Well,” Leoben said as he shifted one leg up onto the couch and turned to fully face the President, “your initial reaction told me something in itself. You kept the information I told you to yourself, you maintained a calm exterior, and you made an executive decision to have me sent out the airlock. That alone let me know that you were not to be underestimated, and it helped me gauge how you would likely deal with stressful situations in the future.”
Seeing the less than thrilled expression on Laura’s face at the thought of a cylon so closely observing her and assessing her strengths, Leoben added, “Perhaps it’s not information that I’d ever have any reason to use, but knowing something about you - even just how you were likely to react to stress - gave me a starting point so that you didn’t seem so completely beyond my understanding.”
“Besides,” Leoben continued with a light wave of his hand, “Once I downloaded and waited for the next report from one of our cylons within your fleet, I was able to ascertain that you and Adama were still working together, which means that you must have figure it on your own.”
Laura felt a slight blush color her cheeks at his statement and cursed her abnormally pale, diloxan-treated skin for giving away an emotion she could normal keep hidden. Leoben raised an eyebrow and said wryly, “I’m sensing that there’s a story behind that one, but I suppose I’ll let it go since I’ve probably caused you enough trouble on that front already.”
This time it was Laura’s turn to smirk slightly in acknowledgement of his statement and she said, “That’s true. And while the story is rather amusing, I’d prefer to stick to the basic facts for now.” Dropping the subject with a brief nod, Leoben lapsed into silence.
“So you did believe me?” he asked after a bit with such open curiosity, and no readily apparent bad intentions, that Laura felt compelled to respond honestly, “It was hard to imagine Commander Adama as a cylon, even back then, but we were in new and uncertain times, and all avenues had to be explored. So yes, I considered what you said - and it was rather painful to think about the fact that one of the only other people in charge of holding our entire fleet together could’ve been a cylon, but ultimately we were both tested and our results came back human.”
She was silent for a moment and then said quietly, “For all the good that did…it’s not exactly like the tests were foolproof.”
Understanding her shift in topic Leoben nodded and said sympathetically, at least she was assuming it was meant to be a sympathetic tone since she’d never actually heard him use one before, “Yes, we also had no idea who the final cylons were until we unboxed D’Anna. It seems like a flaw in the design not to know who your brothers and sisters are - but who am I to question God’s divine will?”
Sighing Laura said, “Yes. But Gods…who would ever have believed Saul Tigh…Saul Tigh a cylon!”
Running a hand over her forehead Laura shook her head, “Poor Bill. I mean my Gods, it’s just not fair.” Shaking her head again and leaning forward to rest on her knees she continued, “After everything we’ve been through out here…everything Bill’s been through with Zak, with Kara…with me,” she stopped for a moment to self-consciously grasp the ends of her now starkly darker ‘hair’, “it’s just not fair that after losing so much he should have to lose his best friend too.”
Standing and pacing in front of the couch Laura went on, “Honestly though…when is it enough already? Hasn’t he given up a sufficient amount to keep the fleet together? Isn’t he losing enough without adding another person he loves to that list?”
Pausing mid-step as what she’d just said registered, Laura brought her hand back to the strands of her wig and whispered to herself, “It was already going to be hard enough after I’m gone, but now…” she trailed off and stared at the wall with eyes focused far beyond the constantly circling red light.
The silence stretched on for quite some time, and then, as abruptly as she’d fallen silent Laura seemed to suddenly remember exactly where she was. She quickly dropped her hand from her wig and turned back to face Leoben who was still seated exactly the same as before on the couch.
She waited apprehensively to see if he would say anything about her lapse or perhaps ask about her relationship with Bill or her current death sentence - but when he stayed silent and simply continued to look at her, Laura pursed her lips and nodded to herself, accepting his decision to let it go. She had no idea why he wasn’t pushing to know more about her life…her death…her destiny, but whatever the reason he chose to let it go, she was grateful not to talk about it.
Perching on the arm of the couch opposite Leoben and gathering her thoughts Laura said, “I really have no idea how Bill is handling any of this. I need to get back to Galactica as soon as possible…he shouldn’t have to be alone with this big an issue. It’s the President’s job to help the Admiral deal with the policy on an issue like this, and I need to make sure that Bill…”
Leoben watched her re-adopt her strong Presidential image as she prepared to deal with the problem of four of the final five cylons already living within the fleet. He stared at her a moment longer, then spoke, “How long have we been speaking just now?”
Surprised by his question, Laura looked around the room as if there might be some better way to gauge the passage time and when she found none, she responded with an uncertain, “Maybe forty minutes or an hour, I guess…why?”
“We’ve been speaking for the last hour,” Leoben said as he rose from his spot on the couch to stand in front of her, “and you’ve yet to storm out of the room or try to airlock me.” Unsure if she should laugh at what seemed like it might be his attempt at humor, Laura just raised an eyebrow and quirked the corner of her mouth until he continued.
Stepping back to lean against the arm of the couch across from the President, Leoben said, “If you’ve gained even the slightest bit of understanding or discovered even a small bit of common ground during our conversation - which I believe you must have not to have left sooner - then who’s to say that the Admiral won’t be able to do the same with his best friend? Just because he’s a cylon doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t the same man he was before.”
Realizing that Leoben seemed to honestly be trying to offer her some comfort about the situation, Laura once again found herself reeling from their conversation. Why should it matter to him? Why would he try to reassure her that Saul Tigh being a cylon could turn out alright?
As she pondered all these things Laura realized that Leoben had walked over to the wall and placed his hand over the streaming red light - which if she looked at it again seemed to be circulating in a different rhythm. What was he doing? Was he giving some sort of order to the computer system? Was the conversation about Tigh just a distraction to keep her from realizing what he was doing? Would he actually do anything to try to hurt her after all of this?
“You’re shuttle from Galactica will be here soon,” Leoben said as he removed his hand from the red light and turned back to face her.
Relaxing back onto the arm of the couch and releasing a tension that she didn’t realize had coiled in her muscles, Laura inwardly shook her head at her own assumptions. Would there ever really be peace between their two groups, would there ever be any hope of Bill and Saul remaining friends, if she herself couldn’t even attempt to trust the cylons?
“You’re shuttle will be picking you up from the docking bay where Adama landed his raptor before. Do you need me to show you to the docking bay, or do you remember…” “I’ll be fine,” Laura cut him off, “I remember how to get there.”
“Alright” Leoben said as he resumed his seat on the couch, causing Laura to briefly wonder what he’d been doing to pass the time sitting there before she’d arrived, and resumed ignoring her in favor focusing on something far away. Nodding to herself one more time Laura pushed off of the armrest and walked towards the hallway.
Leoben made no move to follow her or to acknowledge her again in any way now that she’d dismissed him. He simply sat on the couch staring straight ahead.
Thinking about Bill and Saul, and her desperate hope that Bill wouldn’t completely tear himself apart over this, Laura forced herself to stop in the doorway and turn back to the man sitting on the couch, “Leoben?” when he looked up at her with a bit of surprise at being spoken to again Laura said softly, “Thank you for warning us about D’Anna’s attempt to execute the hostages today.”
Leoben sat for a moment as he processed what she’d said and what it meant that she’d chosen to say it, before responding. “You’re welcome Madame President.” he said, pronouncing her title in such a way that Laura had to wonder if he was proclaiming some sort of personal loyalty oath.
He sat still for a moment and she could almost swear she saw his expression become more mirthful from all the way across the room before he added, “By the way, I was just wondering…what with the alliance and all…are you planning to airlock me again any time soon?”
Staying rooted to the doorway as she considered her response, Laura replied with cautious humor, “It’s not on my agenda…I didn’t pencil it in for the next week or anything. I have high hopes for this alliance, after all…” She said the last with a small smirk in his direction that Leoben acknowledged with a short huff.
Then, making sure he was looking directly at her before she went on, Laura lowered her voice and continued, “But if you’re asking me if I’ll still airlock you if you do anything to endanger the people I care about or anyone in this fleet? Then yes. Absolutely.”
Dropping his jovial expression and walking to stand a not quite comfortable distance in front of the President, Leoben said slowly, “The truth. That’s refreshing.” Leaning further into her space he quietly added, “And you’d do the same exact same to one of your own who put your people in jeopardy, wouldn’t you?”
Arching one eyebrow and refusing to be uncomfortable due to his invasion of her personal space Laura just waited. “That was quite a lot of blood I saw on the floor where Gauis Baltar was injured…”
She considered lying…considered saying ‘what makes you think I know what happened with his injury?’ or ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’, but finally she just said quietly, “Forgiveness is part of what defines humanity…what makes the human race worthy of survival. It’s not enough just to take responsibility for our mistakes and expect others to do the same…we also have to be able to forgive.”
They then lapsed into silence and stared at one another in the doorway of the Baseship, each attempting to discern the others’ thoughts. She wondered if he understood what she was admitting to, wondered if he’d ever heard tell of the Admiral’s speech shortly before the destruction of their home worlds. They remained staring at each other until an announcement came over the loudspeaker that requested the President report to the docking bay where her shuttle was waiting.
Slowly Laura stepped away from Leoben. She looked him over once more, and when it didn’t bring her any further insights or sudden epiphanies, she turned and headed out of the room.
She was about halfway down the hall when she heard Leoben step out of the room after her and speak, “Laura?” He waited until he heard her pause before continuing, “Laura I forgive you for airlocking me that day we met.” Taking in all of the implications of his statement, Laura finally looked up at Leoben and inclined her head before spinning on her heel and walking back towards the docking bay - towards Galactica, towards Bill and Saul, and the situation that needed her attention. There would be time later - maybe after they found earth - to consider the ramifications of her conversation with Leoben and where it left her opinions on cylons and humanity…for now though, she was needed elsewhere.