you never felt this way
ahahaha. so right now, i dont know whether to take all this "drama" like something important or not so i figure if i laugh at it all it wont hurt as much. i just dont know whats worse.
the fact that i actually stuck with samie through all the crap she pulled. like what she put my friends through, little things like the being insanely afraid on the airplane so i sang with her to keep her distracted, the crying on my shoulder about missing someone, the acting much different then the way my values tell me to act, trying to help her get good grades so shed actually pass a class..
maybe the fact that i did stick with it. with her. how i honestly contemplated killing myself. how i ate only enough to keep from feeling sick, but little enough to feel like passing out. how i wanted to go get drunk just to forget everything. how i played ddr on nonstop heavy until i was so weak i couldnt stand, almost threw up, and ended up crumbling into a ball on the floor crying. how i refused to go to work, quit my job. how for a while i gave up on school work until i got bitched at by my mom and realized that i shouldnt let something like this wreck my future. the stuff not many people know i put myself through because i didnt want to talk to anyone about anything. i wanted to hold it inside. i felt like i could destroy myself from the inside out.
but i got through it. i accepted it. i didnt kill myself, i was her friend. she was my other half. and now one stupid misunderstanding and she starts acting like im the reason for all her problems. starts ignoring me. honestly..this has got to be the biggest bullshit yet. i only stuck with her because i thought she was my friend. i thought shed stay my friend. i didnt want to lose her in a fight over a guy, so i accepted it and tried to move on. but now apparently im a liar and a bitch. ok samie. thanks for letting me explain. thanks for sticking with me. i love you too.
the fact that i actually stuck with samie through all the crap she pulled. like what she put my friends through, little things like the being insanely afraid on the airplane so i sang with her to keep her distracted, the crying on my shoulder about missing someone, the acting much different then the way my values tell me to act, trying to help her get good grades so shed actually pass a class..
maybe the fact that i did stick with it. with her. how i honestly contemplated killing myself. how i ate only enough to keep from feeling sick, but little enough to feel like passing out. how i wanted to go get drunk just to forget everything. how i played ddr on nonstop heavy until i was so weak i couldnt stand, almost threw up, and ended up crumbling into a ball on the floor crying. how i refused to go to work, quit my job. how for a while i gave up on school work until i got bitched at by my mom and realized that i shouldnt let something like this wreck my future. the stuff not many people know i put myself through because i didnt want to talk to anyone about anything. i wanted to hold it inside. i felt like i could destroy myself from the inside out.
but i got through it. i accepted it. i didnt kill myself, i was her friend. she was my other half. and now one stupid misunderstanding and she starts acting like im the reason for all her problems. starts ignoring me. honestly..this has got to be the biggest bullshit yet. i only stuck with her because i thought she was my friend. i thought shed stay my friend. i didnt want to lose her in a fight over a guy, so i accepted it and tried to move on. but now apparently im a liar and a bitch. ok samie. thanks for letting me explain. thanks for sticking with me. i love you too.