(no subject)
This trip is intense.
But, I saw all of my mom's siblings today. And almost all of my dad's yesterday. That's 13 aunts and uncles. Everyone's here except my mom. I wish she was here.
My grandma bell (paternal, picture below) might not make it. Everyone is in utter agony, grandpa most of all. I'm beyond grateful to be here, and fuuuuuck this is hard. I cannot describe the power of this woman... the love and ferocity in her tiny body and all around her. Power. Now full of tubes she didn't want unable to communicate. I can see right through her skin. She looks much worse than i could have imagined. Nobody will fight about the decision that needs to be made, thank god, but it is not something everyone agrees on. It's pretty much split 50/50.
My other grandma, nana, had a bad infection after hernia surgery, so she's been in the hospital for two weeks in great pain and all fucked up from her meds. She finally turned it around today after getting a wound vac, and it was wonderful to see her sitting up and smiling this morning. I'll take Oliver over there in the morning. That kid brings the joy.
My cousin mikey, who is the closest thing to a brother I have, lives here again and I had no idea. I'm so freaking stoked to see him. Many of my other cousins, too. I'm very fortunate in the family department. Of course there are a couple on each side who I don't care to see, but most of the others are like medicine in this difficult time.
These people here have seen hard fucking times, especially this past year or two that I haven't been home to visit. I have so much privilege, and I wonder how much of it is simple geography. If I could put everyone (almost everyone, anyway) on a bus and move them away from here, I would in a second. I have to recognize how callous and probably just plain rude it is to say that. But it IS flint Michigan. Though, to be honest and fair, it does seem that there may be a little life coming back to flint. It's been decades.
I'm completely sleep deprived. Oliver is, too. He's having a great time and really knocking everyone's socks off, regardless of sugar and no sleep. I'm a proud mama.
This may not even be coherent. Fuck I'm tired. Love to you all. Pictures below. The fish he caught is a carp. Of course. Xo
