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Jan 11, 2010 21:48

I couldn't pee XD

TMI: My need to cross everything off my list and make sure that nothing is missed is prevelent at club. This is really bad in a sound-absorbing common room of the HUB where I can't hear and assume no one can hear me. I was so uptight about making sure we got everyone with all the business we needed to do post-break that I was so wound up that I couldn't relax enough to pee. Lol.

In other news: I am learning that My abandonment issues (which are God's fault because they stem from being a Pastor's Daughter. Long story) make me need to please people to keep them from leaving me. And that my response to the preseption of them leaving me is to clutch them tighter until they can't breathe. That I do this 1000x worse when I'm sick and afraid I might not make it this time is Brianna's fault apparently. I clutched her because I was scared because I was sick, and I wanted to please her even though she was beating me in so many ways because I have issues. But then when she left me she took all my friends. Took them, turned the others, and left me all alone. When I thought I might die. So when I started getting really sick this time I assumed this would happen. Turns out I'm correct about the clutching bit (clearly turning some away) but I'm wrong about the 'this automatically means they will take my village away with them in the middle of my health and emotional crisis' bit.

Thank God. In deep depths of seriousness.

In other other news: Dad is coming up to both my doctor's appointments this week (was here today and will be Wednesday) and things are looking less killer (this might also be because they took me off that maxo-depresso heart med they had me on for 6 days right before the sleeping for 2 day thing XD. That shit was BAD) but it can't be all the meds, and I am still feeling anxious about being so sick again. All the issues from the Brianna betrayal and subsequent loss of support group that surrounded last time I was this sick haven't, apparently, been processed enough that they aren't all triggered like PTSD right now :/. Ray and probably Christine are coming up this weekend to remind me that loosing one best friend isn't the end of the world. Which is what I just keep telling myself. Over and over.

And over.

health, brianna, clubs, small victories, friends, family, church, abby is awesome, history

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