Fan Fic Valentine
In honor of Valentine's Day -- and as a nod to all my fellow Matt/Alesha shippers, I am posting my first fan fic. A very special thank you (complete with hugs) to diamondrocker for her amazing beta support and encouragment.
Happy Valentine's Day. -J
Title: The First Night
Author: charlsie_esq
Author's e-mail/website:
Fandom: LOUK
Summary: The transition from Matt & Alesha to Matt-and-Alesha
Type / Pairings: Matt/Alesha
Rating: PG-13 (just above Disney really)
Warnings: N/A
Spoilers: Set on the evening of Matt’s courtroom scene in the “Anonymous” episode. Refers to/relies on events in that episode.
Beta: The very awesome diamondrocker
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Dick Wolf/ITV. I own nothing.
Author's Notes: Apologies for any spelling grammar errors introduced by me after diamondrocker’s incredible help as well as formatting errors because I am sure there will be a bunch. :-)
The First Night
Alesha paused before pressing the buzzer. Everything between them could be different now. Natalie had given Matt a “few days cool down.” While Alesha knew it was not quite a suspension, there was no telling in what state she’d find him. If he was angry, bitter or resentful and if he ever directed those feelings towards her, she’d be crushed. If he was drunk, she’d have to find an excuse to leave quickly and then sort out what to do the next time they were on a case together. If he was brooding, she would try to comfort him. She had to at least apologize. That was the plan.
She pressed the buzzer again, wondering what would come of the day’s events. One thing was certain: James had crossed the line. He didn’t know how much damage he had caused-he couldn’t.
Something more than friendship slowly had been building between Matt and Alesha for months. In the last few weeks, it was becoming clearer to her that she more than cared for him, she wanted to be with him. But only a few minutes worth of questions, a few short hours ago, could act as a body blow to all that trust and closeness.
So now, here she was trying to make it right.
“Yea.” Matt’s voice over the intercom interrupted her thoughts.
“Matt, it’s Alesha. I wanted to see you’re alright.” There was a pause. She wasn’t sure how long she waited. At that moment panic: What if he wasn’t alone?
The buzzer rang and the lock on the door clicked open and she stepped through the doorway to the lift. Her mind raced and she tried to talk herself up for what would happen when he opened the door. There’s no way to know what state he’s in: he could be sobbing, he could be seething. Chances are he’s alone. He wouldn’t let me up otherwise.
The lift seemed to creak up so slowly and Alesha watched the numbers light up and go dark, one by one until the light stopped on 5. First thing to tell him is that James was wrong, and that I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it.
When the door finally slid open, the first thing Alesha saw was bare feet. Matt was standing right in front of the doors, leaning against the opposite wall. He was wearing a dark grey sweater-the V at the neck a bit more worn than the rest of the knit-obviously he’d had the sweater a long time and his jeans looked worn in too. Comfort clothes, she thought to herself, taking in his form. After a moment of looking at him, she realized she was probably meant to say something.
“Matt.” Her voice creaked. She stepped out of the elevator and clenched her hands around the strap of her messenger bag. Perhaps he isn’t alone after all.
“You didn’t ‘ave to come.” His voice was soft and he looked pale. His accent was a little stronger, though he seemed weakened. She wanted to put her arms around him, and hold him but she was frozen.
She and Matt been through so much together, spent so much time together working cases and celebrating victories large and small. He’d been such a solid support when she needed it. And he had let her reach out to him before, when his friend had died. Now he needed . . . she wasn’t sure what but she knew she wanted to be there for him.
“Yes, I really . . . I wanted to . . .” Her nerves had gotten the better of her, and she couldn’t get her voice to stop breaking.
Matt peeled himself from the wall, cutting her off. “This way.” He jerked his head to the left and began walking in the direction of his flat and she readily followed him as he led the way to “5D.”
Alesha smiled to herself: D for Devlin.
Matt opened the door and stood back to let her in. Crossing the threshold, she did a quick glance around: An extra stuffed sofa in a milky brown; poster art on the walls; a larger than necessary telly-bachelor stuff. A table and four chairs she recognized from the Ikea catalogue had seen better days. Beige-grey paint on the walls and on the windows, blinds, but no curtains.
Matt closed the door behind himself. He didn’t step forward but stayed where he was, sizing her up. Not hearing him move from the doorway, Alesha turned her eyes back to him. He had his hands behind his back, clamped on the door knob, it looked like.
She understood that he probably felt betrayed by James and maybe by her as well. And the thought of whether or not that sense of betrayal included her made her chest tighten so she had to take a deep breath. She could sense a bit of a wall she was going to have to break through. To keep her nerve, she thought she would have to say everything she wanted to say very, very fast.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I had no idea James was going to do that. I …”
“You wouldn’t ‘ave been able to do anything if you did know,” he interrupted, a pained look twisting his face.
He still wasn’t moving. Alesha felt herself starting to panic again. She considered the fact that he could very simply ask her to leave right now. They stood there for a moment just watching each other until she finally had to look down. She’d been wringing the strap of her bag in her hands and they were getting raw. She took another deep breath, gathering her courage again. “I’m so sorry, Matt. I…”
“’ere, gimme your coat,” he said, cutting her off and finally stepping away from the door. Alesha was certain the wave of relief that washed over her was visible and he gave her a small sympathetic smile as she handed it to him. There was still pain in his eyes but she could see that he was trying to make her feel at ease. She had come to comfort him and wanted to hope that he was happy for the company.
He hung up her coat on a coat rack nearly identical to the one at the station. It stood next to a bookcase with not many books in it. Instead it was filled mostly with odd trinkets, photos and a football trophy. On one of the shelves sat a framed picture of a boy in confirmation robes standing in front of a hedge.
“Is this you?” Alesha walked over and picked up the frame. She looked again at the boy in the picture and then back at Matt.
“Yea. That’s the day my mum gave me this.” Matt reached into his sweater and fished out his St. Christopher medallion. “It was ‘er dad’s and since she named me for ‘im, she said I should ‘ave it.”
Alesha closed her eyes for a moment and let the sound of his voice sink in. She turned around to him and leaned in close to inspect the medallion. She had seen it poking through his shirt from time to time but had never asked about it. She could feel the warmth of his body standing so close to him. The sound of his breathing was relaxed, it made her feel like she was peeking into on a secret part of him. They’d stood closer to each other than this before, but never in this way -- not with him in so much pain and with her feeling so responsible for it. She wanted to reach up and hold him. Instead, she took a step back, and away from him.
“It’s lovely.” She handed him the frame, momentarily unsure of herself. Matt took it, looked down at it and then put it back on the shelf.
“Can I get you something?” He was trying to be hospitable, and maybe change the subject.
“Ah, anything is fine, water, beer . . . beer is fine,” she answered, having noticed the Carling can on the table in front of the couch when she’d first surveyed the room. “Anything is fine.”
Matt’s eyebrow jerked up and a small smirk cut across his face. “Beer then.” He shot her an approving glance as he walked passed her into the kitchen.
Alesha was still standing by the bookcase when he came back with the pint glass. She had been looking through the other pictures displayed in the case: one with three little boys in footie uniforms, a picture of Matt with his academy friends at graduation, and a line up of children in Sunday’s best, including what looked like a tiny Matt with a bow tie.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you have anything but wine,” he said, handing her the glass.
She turned from the pictures and put a brave face on. “Well you know, from time to time, it’s nice.”
“You’re lying,” he said, the smirk still on his face.
“No really.” Yes really - she was totally lying. She could tell that he was enjoying this.
“Next you’ll say you spend your free time down at the pub watching football.”
“No.” She smiled, and she could feel her smile grow as he smiled back at her.
“’ere, let me get these out of the way so you can sit,” Matt said, moving over towards the couch. The day’s papers had been spread out on the cushions and he grabbed them in a pile and stuffed them under the table. He sat down on the newly cleared sofa and Alesha followed his lead.
Matt had sat in the corner, his arms spread out across on the back of the sofa and his legs crossed ─ a position that was somehow both defensive and exposed. Alesha considered whether she should take a different track. Only hours earlier, James had cut him down brutally in court, but there was nothing she could do now to change what had happened. Words were failing her, so she sat there speechless. She looked away from him and took a sip of her drink.
Then again, what could she really have said or done? And how could she let Matt know she had felt powerless to stop it. Every one of James’s words cut her as though the words had been directed at her. Matt had been ambushed and demolished. She was livid and pained because she’d felt like she had failed to protect him. Maybe she could tell Matt that she’d criticized James immediately afterwards. She’d have to try again, her plan still had to start with getting the apology out. “Matt. . .”
“You don’t ‘ave to say anything, Alesha.” His head was resting on his fist now.
“But I do.” She moved closer, placing a gentle hand on his leg. “Matt, I can’t undo what’s happened but . . .”
“Hang on!” he interrupted again. “How did you know where I live?”
“Oh, uh.” Alesha shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Witness files, you know, have home addresses and . . .” she lifted the glass and took a gulp.
“Ah, commandeering workplace resources for personal use.” He smiled again, nodding and starting to relax. “What other information about me do you have access to?”
He was flirting now. It would all be okay.
She gave in, letting him change the subject and instead talked about other cases she had coming up ─ including a case against someone from her law school class.
There would be no talk of what happened in court for the rest of the night. Instead, they talked about where he grew up and where she’d grown up; about her days at university and his time at the academy; what made her decide to study the law and his early days as an officer, when he was still in uniform. They moaned about London traffic and CCTV. They talked about whether detectives should carry guns, the look of new and used wigs; DI Chandler’s Tardis; Ronnie’s eating preferences; and George’s hatred of text messages. They disagreed on the view from the OXO Tower and the best places to get chips near the Old Bailey. They gave each other advice about the best Underground transfers and where to go on mini-holidays.
The conversation veered from silly to serious and back again: First kisses, first loves; the cost of petrol and the cost of sandwiches at Boots; falling marriage rates and how many children she wanted. He told her that he wasn’t sure if he wanted any. Talk veered onto the subject of his music collection and then hers; movies they loved and what they watched on telly. They talked and talked and right in the middle of a heated debate about the royals and taxes, Alesha’s phone rang. But it wasn’t a ring ─ it was an alarm.
“Oh my God!” Her eyes widened in shock. “It’s half past five!” she shrieked, looked out the window and then bolted up out of her seat. When she’d first arrived, it was nearly ten ── they’d talked straight through the night.
“You’re kidding!” Matt laughed.
“No!” she squealed. “I’m to be at work in 90 minutes.” She was in a panic. “I need a cab. Where can I get a cab?”
Matt watched her dash around the room collecting her boots, her scarf and her coat. It was crazy. The sun didn’t come up until after 7 this time of year, and they’d had no way of watching the time since Matt didn’t have a clock in the room.
“Alesha, I’ll drive you.”
She didn’t protest, having already run out the door of the flat with all of her belongings in a jumble in her arms. He grabbed a pair of trainers and his coat and followed her out. Matt put the trainers on in the lift while Alesha tapped her foot furiously and kept pressing the button for the ground level. She couldn’t think, and her mind wouldn’t focus. She wondered if she should just go straight to the office and pretend she’d spent the night there.
With Matt at the wheel, they raced through the streets of London. She’d thought about asking him to put on the sirens but there weren’t really that many people on the streets at that time. The speeding was helpful but she couldn’t help wishing he’d drive a bit faster. She was brushing her hair into a bun and holding hairpins she needed to secure it between her teeth. Matt glanced over when she started cursing to herself under her breath. He smiled for a split second but then crinkled his face as if he was concentrating on driving. She couldn’t really concentrate on him, she was watching the clock in the car click off another few minutes.
Matt had barely stopped the car in front of her building when Alesha had already begun to open the car door. “Thank you so much, Matt . . .”
“I’m walking you to the door,” he said, already getting out.
“No, you needn’t. This was great.” She thought she still had 65 minutes to shower, dress and make the 30 minute tube/walk commute to work allowing a few minutes for the mandatory Underground delay.
He was out of the car and rounding the hood before she could finish. “You’re wasting time arguing with me.” Matt reached the door before she did, a wry smile appearing on his face. He was evidently amused by the sight of her so uncharacteristically flustered.
Alesha hadn’t planned her exit when she’d gone to his flat, she was just so focused on seeing him that she hadn’t even considered how the evening would end. This wasn’t what she’d ever had in mind for him to see: Mad Alesha racing to work. She bolted through the door wrestling to get her coat off from under the bag slung across her body. She was shaking her head as she bounded up the flight of stairs and started rifling through her bag, all the while muttering insanely to herself.
“There!” Keys located, she jammed the key in the lock, turned it, pushed open the door and turned to say goodbye. “Thanks again, Matt, I . . .”
Interrupted again before she could finish, it took her a second to realize that this time, he did it by kissing her.
She dropped the coat and bag. Then their arms were around each other. She stepped back through the open doorway unable to take her lips off his and bringing him in with her. The room was swirling around her and for a moment, she didn’t know where she was and she didn’t care. He was warm and he was kissing her the way she’d always imagined he would. She’d imagined it more times than she’d care to count in the last few weeks. And somehow, this was better.
Her phone rang. He didn’t stop kissing her. She didn’t want him to stop. It rang again and this time he pulled away. Alesha’s brows crossed in frustration and she looked down at the phone screen.
“Work.”
He leaned his forehead against hers, closed his eyes and nodded. “Can I see you later?”
“Yes.” She answered quickly.
He kissed her again. When he pulled away, his hand lingered at her cheek, his thumb softly stroking her face. They were standing at her door and just looking at each other seemingly at a loss for words.
The phone rang again. He smiled and she smiled back. He stepped away, looking back at her as he walked through the door. He gave a little laugh as he pulled the keys out of the door and handed them to her. He winked at her sweetly as he closed the door behind himself.
After he’d gone, she stood for a minute, leaning against the wall where only moments before her lips had been locked onto his. Her mind raced. That was unexpected.
The phone rang again. She was going to resent her job today.
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