Behind these hazel eyes...
I've been here almost a week and I have not cried. I've felt like it...
I have had several thoughts that really freaked me out... I can't even get to my dorm room without almost panic-attacking. (Spiral Staircase-phobic!)
Honestly, there are WAY too many stairs here. And especially SPIRAL stairs. *shudder* I get chills just thinking about them. I wish I knew why they freak me out so bad! I try to go through Persons Hall as much as possible to avoid the damned stairs.
I wanna go see the Haunted places on campus some night soon. People have sworn to me that they have seen and/or felt things... and I believe it. Cos duh, I believe in ghosts and phantoms.
Yeah... so today was first day of classes. Not bad... syllabuses. Those suck. But the rest, not bad. Psych was interesting... we had this activity where everyone held up these cards on their foreheads. Every card had a number. You didn't know your number, just everyone else's... and you were to try and hook up with someone of a high number. Yeeeeeeah. In FYS we just discussed some musical piece by Chopin, I think... and our homework assignment, which is to listen to two pieces, reflect on them, and write up a comparison. Right... that's my only homework pretty much... in Psych we're supposed to bring in something that reflects an aspect of ourselves. I haven't decided what to take. But that's not until Monday, I think...
Yeah, and Japanese... AWESOME!!!! That class has 8 people total, including myself and the professor. Our professor also happens to be a full-time student here. That must be semi-awkward for her. 0_0;
Anyway... the girls in my class rock... we're all into anime/manga and the Japanese culture... SO EXCITING!!!
The one chic says she has like, two drawers full of stuff, and I got invited over.
Ooooh, and there's two seniors in the class and they live in the apartments. They said we could come do laundry there. For free of course! Awesome. I'm doing my laundry as we speak, but paying for it, cos I just met them and I'm not going to freeload or anything, I mean, damn!
But it was a nice offer. When we know each other better, mayhap then I'll do free laundry and we'll sit in the nice little living room of the apartments watching Inuyasha DVD's. YAY!
And they say my Big Sister is cool. ^_^ I trust their judgement, so they best be right! I was soooo looking forward to meeting her tonight at this Pirate Bash they're holding but she's away til the 29th. SADNESS! ;_;
Pretty soon I'm going to get off and pick up my laundry and then check out a possible work-study job opportunity. Even tho I don't really wanna work, lol. I need to, I'll get over it.
Ooh, another thing real quick... Leo sent me Bauhaus songs... a bunch of them. SOOOOO GOOD, damn... I love BAUHAUS... It's so 'dark'. ^_^
Okay, random copy-and-paste things that are awesome...
>>Do you read me?
If you read me on a regular/semi-regular basis, leave me a comment and let me know.
Then post this in your LJ and find out who reads you.
*AND ANOTHER! (This is one is good, pleeeeeeease read it...)
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love
Repost this if you think homophobia is wrong.
Fuck homophobia
P.S. I feel like I'm trying so hard to block out things that are bothering me right now, that I'm being... fake. Or becoming something I'm not or something I didn't want to be. -_-'
I also have my period, so I feel like hell physically as well as mentally.
And I just toooooootally forgot what else I was going to say. I hate my brain. KILL IT... oh, I remembered... I'm going on a fast. Giving up meat has been great and all, but it's not like I eat on my period anyway, always feeling so damned sick. And as for after that... I've never eaten lunch in high school, so I'm not going to in college either. Ain't no point. I'm trying NOT to gain the Freshman 15, after all. Weird... one of my roomies wants to gain weight, lots of it. I'm like, "Dude, you can have mine... I don't want it."
Everything hurts.
Everything!
I have had several thoughts that really freaked me out... I can't even get to my dorm room without almost panic-attacking. (Spiral Staircase-phobic!)
Honestly, there are WAY too many stairs here. And especially SPIRAL stairs. *shudder* I get chills just thinking about them. I wish I knew why they freak me out so bad! I try to go through Persons Hall as much as possible to avoid the damned stairs.
I wanna go see the Haunted places on campus some night soon. People have sworn to me that they have seen and/or felt things... and I believe it. Cos duh, I believe in ghosts and phantoms.
Yeah... so today was first day of classes. Not bad... syllabuses. Those suck. But the rest, not bad. Psych was interesting... we had this activity where everyone held up these cards on their foreheads. Every card had a number. You didn't know your number, just everyone else's... and you were to try and hook up with someone of a high number. Yeeeeeeah. In FYS we just discussed some musical piece by Chopin, I think... and our homework assignment, which is to listen to two pieces, reflect on them, and write up a comparison. Right... that's my only homework pretty much... in Psych we're supposed to bring in something that reflects an aspect of ourselves. I haven't decided what to take. But that's not until Monday, I think...
Yeah, and Japanese... AWESOME!!!! That class has 8 people total, including myself and the professor. Our professor also happens to be a full-time student here. That must be semi-awkward for her. 0_0;
Anyway... the girls in my class rock... we're all into anime/manga and the Japanese culture... SO EXCITING!!!
The one chic says she has like, two drawers full of stuff, and I got invited over.
Ooooh, and there's two seniors in the class and they live in the apartments. They said we could come do laundry there. For free of course! Awesome. I'm doing my laundry as we speak, but paying for it, cos I just met them and I'm not going to freeload or anything, I mean, damn!
But it was a nice offer. When we know each other better, mayhap then I'll do free laundry and we'll sit in the nice little living room of the apartments watching Inuyasha DVD's. YAY!
And they say my Big Sister is cool. ^_^ I trust their judgement, so they best be right! I was soooo looking forward to meeting her tonight at this Pirate Bash they're holding but she's away til the 29th. SADNESS! ;_;
Pretty soon I'm going to get off and pick up my laundry and then check out a possible work-study job opportunity. Even tho I don't really wanna work, lol. I need to, I'll get over it.
Ooh, another thing real quick... Leo sent me Bauhaus songs... a bunch of them. SOOOOO GOOD, damn... I love BAUHAUS... It's so 'dark'. ^_^
Okay, random copy-and-paste things that are awesome...
>>Do you read me?
If you read me on a regular/semi-regular basis, leave me a comment and let me know.
Then post this in your LJ and find out who reads you.
*AND ANOTHER! (This is one is good, pleeeeeeease read it...)
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love
Repost this if you think homophobia is wrong.
Fuck homophobia
P.S. I feel like I'm trying so hard to block out things that are bothering me right now, that I'm being... fake. Or becoming something I'm not or something I didn't want to be. -_-'
I also have my period, so I feel like hell physically as well as mentally.
And I just toooooootally forgot what else I was going to say. I hate my brain. KILL IT... oh, I remembered... I'm going on a fast. Giving up meat has been great and all, but it's not like I eat on my period anyway, always feeling so damned sick. And as for after that... I've never eaten lunch in high school, so I'm not going to in college either. Ain't no point. I'm trying NOT to gain the Freshman 15, after all. Weird... one of my roomies wants to gain weight, lots of it. I'm like, "Dude, you can have mine... I don't want it."
Everything hurts.
Everything!