That stupid green monster is at it again
You know what is the worst thing in the history of the world? No, it’s not Hitler, It’s periods. I hate beyond all hate being on my period. It's not the sheer fact of having my period that pisses me off. Oh no. It's not cramps, bloating, and acne. Oh no. None of that bothers me at all. What bothers me the most about my period is on the first day, without fail, I am a hormonal little bitch who gets jealous of everything under the sun.
I try everything to not feel this way, and yet without fail it will happen. First it's something small that ticks me off. Today it was the fact that I couldn't watch my usual music video montage due to Michael Jackson’s memorial service. Yes, it is sad that the king of pop has died, no longer will I be able to listen to Thriller without thinking "hmmm...Michael Jackson died" but in all honesty I just was not that big of a fan. Ever. I liked his songs; I envied his dancing, but was I a fan? No. So when I go to turn on the TV, hoping to find a little bit of peace from the cramps that were threatening to tear apart my stomach, here was Michael Jackson. I lost it. I turned on Frasier and watched that. I complained to anyone who would listen about how I felt half the Michael Jackson fans out there were hypocrites because for ten years everyone thought he was a freaky pervert alone on neverland ranch morphing into an alien. Then he dies, and low and behold the tears come out. It pissed me off, and I was annoyed.
The Michael Jackson freak out wasn't that bad in terms of my emotional roller coaster. Oh no. Then the internet had to die. I was simply trying to go on the internet in the living room because my cramps had left me immobile on the couch. It was working so well. I plugged in the computer to the wall, got all comfy on the couch, let me desktop load and boom. No internet for Katie. This sent me even more over the edge. Michael Jackson was nothing. Now it was the internet that was the enemy. I turned off the computer, I turned it back on. I fiddled with the Wi-Fi. I contemplated calling Dell. I instead called my mother and bitched for a half an hour about how much I hate technology and how everyone and everything can go to hell. Then the internet sprang back to life. As if nothing had happened, like it was mocking me. That pissed me off even more. At this point now I was so pissed that everything ticked me off. Will and Grace had morphed into a whiny gay show. Stacey and Clinton on what not to wear were targets for my piercing eye darts. The women they were helping was a stupid ho. I was a mess. Then I went onto facebook.
I hit bottom. Not only was I having a shitty morning, but then I heard from Europe. Claire had posted a status update on facebook. What’s this? They are Europe, this cannot be so! What was the comment you might ask? We’ll this is what she said:
Katie, and Michelle just saw Prof Sprout, Maggie Smith, Helena Bonham Carter, Tim Burton, Clive Owen, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Daniel Radcliffe, Alan Rickman, and JK ROWLING HOLY FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That one sentence sent me right off the cliff. I was freefalling. I could feel the blood boiling in my skin. They were in Europe living it up with half the cast of Harry Potter and here I was sitting on the couch dying of the worst cramps I've had since I had to walk home from school with no Advil and almost passed out. They were in Europe laughing and having fun and here I was, my hair falling in front of my face, my whole body aching, day old make up smeared all over my face while I sat on my ass on the couch getting pissed off about my internet connection? I hated everything. I hated Harry Potter. I hated TV, Internet, and my life. I just hated everyone. But mostly I hated them. Katie, Michelle, Sally and Claire living it up. And why? Because I'm a green eyed monster PMSing bitch. I deserve to be shot.
It's not their fault, hell if anything it's mine! I had the chance to go, I had the opportunity, but what did I do? I went to Greece. I saw landmarks that you only see in text books. I stole marble from the Acropolis. I danced with hot Italian men. I went to Santorin and saw the most amazing view in my entire life. I ate the best pasta on a huge cliff in the middle of Delphi while looking at the world’s biggest olive grove. And I'm jealous of them in London? I got to go to London! I slept at an amazing hotel! I saw the REAL Diagon Alley! What the hell was my problem?
I think I need professional help. I think I need to not talk to anyone for a couple of day. I need to simmer down, because right now I'm ready to go and throw out all of my harry potter books, curse all of my friends and refuse to talk to anyone. I want to be so alone it's not even funny. I think I'll go get some more Advil. I think I'll go to work and have a good cry, because at the end of the day, I know I'm better than this. I need to ditch the green eyed monster.
You know the real irony here? I went to the doctors yesterday and she asked me when the last time I had my period was. I skipped all of June, I told her, and guess who greeted me this morning.
Fuck periods. Fuck them all. Fuck the green eyed monster.