Winning, or How
Who cares?
I've been very careful about how I've played this freakin' game, but it never mattered. How I played wasn't important. I was playing by the rules, but rules written by cheaters of the highest order. Wolfram & Hart had gotten used to being at the top. To them it was never a matter of cheating or playing fair, because it was their game to begin with. Who the Hell was I to join in this fight anyway. I wasn't a demon, I wasn't what Illyria called a half-breed. I wasn't even in their books. i was just a guy with some skills, who thought to push back when they started a shoving match with us. I'm winning, but does it matter? It doesn't, because regardless of what I've done, and regardless of how safe I've made the world around us, I still get to watch the people closest to me suffer. While the average-jane and joe live their lives completely oblivious to everything we've done for them, The Senior Partners still take one step after another to see the rest of us suffer for everything we've done to make the point of their existence a difficult one. Maybe even a pointless one, because they'd probably lose too much should they ever succeed in their goal. Our apocalypse would end up just as much one for them, and the new members of the Black Thorn won't ever sacrifice their power completely to achieve what they were brought on to do. Life sucks if your evil, and I'm responsible. You're welcome, but are they content with sitting back and accepting defeat graciously? No; no they aren't. I've been forced to watch each of the people I care about suffer. Buffy almost took her own life, and Cordelia's resurrection was cut short. Illyria, Faith, and Gwen each had to deal when their hearts were broken, and all I could do was sit back and watch. Maybe hold some hands, caress a forehead, tell them it was going to be okay, and then escape somewhere private so I might punch a wall.
Hooray for me.
I've been very careful about how I've played this freakin' game, but it never mattered. How I played wasn't important. I was playing by the rules, but rules written by cheaters of the highest order. Wolfram & Hart had gotten used to being at the top. To them it was never a matter of cheating or playing fair, because it was their game to begin with. Who the Hell was I to join in this fight anyway. I wasn't a demon, I wasn't what Illyria called a half-breed. I wasn't even in their books. i was just a guy with some skills, who thought to push back when they started a shoving match with us. I'm winning, but does it matter? It doesn't, because regardless of what I've done, and regardless of how safe I've made the world around us, I still get to watch the people closest to me suffer. While the average-jane and joe live their lives completely oblivious to everything we've done for them, The Senior Partners still take one step after another to see the rest of us suffer for everything we've done to make the point of their existence a difficult one. Maybe even a pointless one, because they'd probably lose too much should they ever succeed in their goal. Our apocalypse would end up just as much one for them, and the new members of the Black Thorn won't ever sacrifice their power completely to achieve what they were brought on to do. Life sucks if your evil, and I'm responsible. You're welcome, but are they content with sitting back and accepting defeat graciously? No; no they aren't. I've been forced to watch each of the people I care about suffer. Buffy almost took her own life, and Cordelia's resurrection was cut short. Illyria, Faith, and Gwen each had to deal when their hearts were broken, and all I could do was sit back and watch. Maybe hold some hands, caress a forehead, tell them it was going to be okay, and then escape somewhere private so I might punch a wall.
Hooray for me.