Thursday - Regrets
I miss my dad.
I feel bad all the time for not seeing him more often. I feel horrible for getting him sent away to the hospital. I know, just know if I had waited a bit longer, he would have come to his senses. If I had just called Jim, he would have helped. If I hadn't called the police, he'd still be here, and I wouldn't be in a big empty house, and he'd get people to respect me, because he knew how to do stuff like that. But I did call the police, and it's obvious that was a shitty thing, because everything is the way I didn't want it to be.
People always say that they would give up their worldly possessions for something meaningful. It's stupid, but if meant my dad could come back, I'd get rid of every stupid thing I have here. All I'd need would be to live in a tiny apartment with my dad and his workspace with all the schematics and blueprints and electronics. Then we could watch TV and talk about stuff and go outside together, and nobody would make fun of me for having a 'crazy dad' or tell me that I was spoiled and even if they did, I wouldn't care because my dad would be there and he'd tell me they were all just assholes and I'd believe him.
And because I'm a fucking superhero now, it's even harder to go visit him. I've stopped by at the window a few times, but they check on him like, every hour or half hour or something, and even if I bend the bars, I can't actually open the window enough to come in. I love my dad and I miss him and I'd drop the money and the inheritance and the superheroing if he were here.
But he isn't, because of me.
I feel bad all the time for not seeing him more often. I feel horrible for getting him sent away to the hospital. I know, just know if I had waited a bit longer, he would have come to his senses. If I had just called Jim, he would have helped. If I hadn't called the police, he'd still be here, and I wouldn't be in a big empty house, and he'd get people to respect me, because he knew how to do stuff like that. But I did call the police, and it's obvious that was a shitty thing, because everything is the way I didn't want it to be.
People always say that they would give up their worldly possessions for something meaningful. It's stupid, but if meant my dad could come back, I'd get rid of every stupid thing I have here. All I'd need would be to live in a tiny apartment with my dad and his workspace with all the schematics and blueprints and electronics. Then we could watch TV and talk about stuff and go outside together, and nobody would make fun of me for having a 'crazy dad' or tell me that I was spoiled and even if they did, I wouldn't care because my dad would be there and he'd tell me they were all just assholes and I'd believe him.
And because I'm a fucking superhero now, it's even harder to go visit him. I've stopped by at the window a few times, but they check on him like, every hour or half hour or something, and even if I bend the bars, I can't actually open the window enough to come in. I love my dad and I miss him and I'd drop the money and the inheritance and the superheroing if he were here.
But he isn't, because of me.