There isn't a subject to describe this post...
I have this urge to update, but I feel as if I have nothing significant to say. My mind is filled with a melange of feelings, thoughts, and emotions, yet I can't think of a way to put it all into coherent words.
I've often prided myself on my enthusiasm for life. I take pleasure in the little, insignificant things that a vast majority of people take for granted. I stop and smell the roses and have the ability to find something beautiful in everything and everyone I see and meet. And even though I'm not a child anymore, I'm still able to reach down inside myself and find that inner child. I like that about myself.
More than anything, I like to make people happy in any way I can. I love to see a person's face light up with happiness.
Thus, it pains me to think that I could be the cause of someone's current state of distress and confusion. It's killing me that he's feeling lost. I wish there was something I could do to help him, not only because it's my nature, but because I feel like it's my fault. We haven't known each other very long, and I feel like the happiness he felt on our day together is quickly being replaced with feelings of sadness.
But gosh... if only everyone had seen the way his face lit up when we were together. We laughed, told jokes, acted like children racing up and down the beach. I showed him how to let loose and have fun, and he enjoyed it, I know he did.
Even on that day I saw that there was something he was holding back. It was as if he was afraid to get too close. Afraid that I would hurt him. I don't see how anyone COULD intentionally hurt him. He's an amazing man. I mean that.
I had a long talk with Drew last night, and I don't know what I would do without her. She has been nothing but sweet since I arrived in this Livejournal place, and I am eternally grateful.
So I guess I was right about this entry not having a point. But I think it helped to clear my head a little bit. I didn't go out this morning like usual. I'm still in my pajamas and I don't think I'm going to change out of them today.
I hate to admit it because I've always been okay with being alone, but I'm not anymore. I'm lonely.
Charlize
I've often prided myself on my enthusiasm for life. I take pleasure in the little, insignificant things that a vast majority of people take for granted. I stop and smell the roses and have the ability to find something beautiful in everything and everyone I see and meet. And even though I'm not a child anymore, I'm still able to reach down inside myself and find that inner child. I like that about myself.
More than anything, I like to make people happy in any way I can. I love to see a person's face light up with happiness.
Thus, it pains me to think that I could be the cause of someone's current state of distress and confusion. It's killing me that he's feeling lost. I wish there was something I could do to help him, not only because it's my nature, but because I feel like it's my fault. We haven't known each other very long, and I feel like the happiness he felt on our day together is quickly being replaced with feelings of sadness.
But gosh... if only everyone had seen the way his face lit up when we were together. We laughed, told jokes, acted like children racing up and down the beach. I showed him how to let loose and have fun, and he enjoyed it, I know he did.
Even on that day I saw that there was something he was holding back. It was as if he was afraid to get too close. Afraid that I would hurt him. I don't see how anyone COULD intentionally hurt him. He's an amazing man. I mean that.
I had a long talk with Drew last night, and I don't know what I would do without her. She has been nothing but sweet since I arrived in this Livejournal place, and I am eternally grateful.
So I guess I was right about this entry not having a point. But I think it helped to clear my head a little bit. I didn't go out this morning like usual. I'm still in my pajamas and I don't think I'm going to change out of them today.
I hate to admit it because I've always been okay with being alone, but I'm not anymore. I'm lonely.
Charlize