A few quick things
I've had a busy couple of weeks, but I wanted to pop on and jot down a few things that I want to come back to later to expand on My feelings are fairly mixed on a lot of these things, but over all nothing is really getting me down.
I've written my first letter to my Mum. She called me a little over a week ago to tell me about some stuff she had done around the house, including installing the faucet I bought her last summer. We were just talking and she was asking questions and I told her that I'm ace. Aside from confusing her a bit, I think she's glad I didn't confess to being gay. In my letter I expanded a bit on that, but it was also rushed so I basically just told her to go to Aven's website and look at their FAQ page. She should be getting the letter tomorrow or Tuesday.
I went through my birth mom's stuff and did a preliminary sort through of keepsakes, trash, shred, & important documents. I was tired before I started to it eventually devolved into trash and not trash. I'm hoping to find time to look through the not trash pile more tonight. My feelings while going through this stuff were very mixed. It was sad to see that a woman's life could be condensed done to one large duffle bag in which half the paperwork in it was trash. If Geneva had lived I also have no idea how she would have paid for her medical bills. I also think I would have liked her and getting to know her, but now I will never know.
I've read through some of the forums on Aven and made a few posts as well. One thing that I read really struck me though. On the thread where you can introduce yourself someone had posted that they had thought they were demi greysexual (like I had originally concluded for myself), but have had to reevaluate that recently. The poster writes romance (possibly erotica, but I can't remember and don't want to go find the post again) and enjoys self pleasure, but has never been able to imagine or fantasize about herself having sex with anyone. She always thought that she would eventually find someone who just "did it" for her and make her feel sexual, but has recently decided that since it hasn't happened yet that it was unlikely to. Reading this really hit me and I realized that I had been assuming a lot of the same things as her and forcing the facts I had to fit the conclusion I was convinced was logical for me. I have never been able to fantasize about having sex with someone, not even when self pleasuring. The few times I've tried just haven't worked and I only achieved the end result when my mind got bored and blanked out. This is also possibly why I got bored after about 10-20 minutes and move on to other activities.
I'll do another post soon to expand on these so I can process them a bit more, but I got more stuff I need to do so I'm ending here.
I've written my first letter to my Mum. She called me a little over a week ago to tell me about some stuff she had done around the house, including installing the faucet I bought her last summer. We were just talking and she was asking questions and I told her that I'm ace. Aside from confusing her a bit, I think she's glad I didn't confess to being gay. In my letter I expanded a bit on that, but it was also rushed so I basically just told her to go to Aven's website and look at their FAQ page. She should be getting the letter tomorrow or Tuesday.
I went through my birth mom's stuff and did a preliminary sort through of keepsakes, trash, shred, & important documents. I was tired before I started to it eventually devolved into trash and not trash. I'm hoping to find time to look through the not trash pile more tonight. My feelings while going through this stuff were very mixed. It was sad to see that a woman's life could be condensed done to one large duffle bag in which half the paperwork in it was trash. If Geneva had lived I also have no idea how she would have paid for her medical bills. I also think I would have liked her and getting to know her, but now I will never know.
I've read through some of the forums on Aven and made a few posts as well. One thing that I read really struck me though. On the thread where you can introduce yourself someone had posted that they had thought they were demi greysexual (like I had originally concluded for myself), but have had to reevaluate that recently. The poster writes romance (possibly erotica, but I can't remember and don't want to go find the post again) and enjoys self pleasure, but has never been able to imagine or fantasize about herself having sex with anyone. She always thought that she would eventually find someone who just "did it" for her and make her feel sexual, but has recently decided that since it hasn't happened yet that it was unlikely to. Reading this really hit me and I realized that I had been assuming a lot of the same things as her and forcing the facts I had to fit the conclusion I was convinced was logical for me. I have never been able to fantasize about having sex with someone, not even when self pleasuring. The few times I've tried just haven't worked and I only achieved the end result when my mind got bored and blanked out. This is also possibly why I got bored after about 10-20 minutes and move on to other activities.
I'll do another post soon to expand on these so I can process them a bit more, but I got more stuff I need to do so I'm ending here.