(no subject)
I'm scared.
:::EDIT:::
sorry. I'm fine. That was just me waking up after a very vivid dream that wasn't too very fun.
:::EDIT:::
still kind of freaked out from my dream last night. For the record, it was the second worst dream I can remember ever having...but only because it didn't hurt so much when I woke up. My worst dream happened two summers ago. I dreamt that I was falling, like from the height of an airplane. It was peaceful at first, but the farther I fell, the more I became aware that the ground was rushing towards me. I started fumbling for anything... but there was nothing to grab, I had no parachute... nothing to stop my fall. Instead of waking up just before I hit, like any normal person would do, I kept dreaming. I hit the ground and I still didn't wake up. I couldn't move, couldn't breath. All I could do was lie there with a broken body and suffer through the most excrutiating pain I can think of. When I finally did wake up, I could hardly move, my entire body was sore.
Last night's dream was simple. I shot myself in the head. I didn't wake up, and I didn't switch dreams. I just collapsed into a heap on the floor. Again, I couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't do anything except for slowly bleed out. I can't explain what it feels like to have half your head missing, but it's an experience I hope never to repeat. One of the worst parts of the ordeal, though, was the blood slowly trickling down my forhead. It was torturous. i couldn't wipe it away, it wouldn't move faster, but I could always feel it tickling. As I lay there, I slowly woke up... My dream kind of just faded into waking life to the point that there was a time that I was aware that I was in my bed here at home, but I still thought I was dying, having shot myself. It took me a long time to wake up and realize I could move and that i was fine... It took even longer to want to get back into bed. I didn't want to be awake, but I didn't want to be asleep to dream, not if a gun to my temple is what i had to look forward to.
Today I've felt like absolute shit. I tried to ignore and forget the dream, but i can't. I keep feeling the cold steel in my hand and the blood on my forehead. This morning was the worst, I felt like puking the whole time... I've gotten past that point, but I don't really feel like sleeping tonight. I need to because I'm supposed to go down to EJ tomorrow for the weekend and I don't want to drive when I'm tired, especially on the Seney Stretch (half hour of dead straight road with no hills, for those not in the know).
Despite the good dreams I know I'm capable of having, dreams like the one last night make me wish I never dreamed anything at all.
:::EDIT:::
sorry. I'm fine. That was just me waking up after a very vivid dream that wasn't too very fun.
:::EDIT:::
still kind of freaked out from my dream last night. For the record, it was the second worst dream I can remember ever having...but only because it didn't hurt so much when I woke up. My worst dream happened two summers ago. I dreamt that I was falling, like from the height of an airplane. It was peaceful at first, but the farther I fell, the more I became aware that the ground was rushing towards me. I started fumbling for anything... but there was nothing to grab, I had no parachute... nothing to stop my fall. Instead of waking up just before I hit, like any normal person would do, I kept dreaming. I hit the ground and I still didn't wake up. I couldn't move, couldn't breath. All I could do was lie there with a broken body and suffer through the most excrutiating pain I can think of. When I finally did wake up, I could hardly move, my entire body was sore.
Last night's dream was simple. I shot myself in the head. I didn't wake up, and I didn't switch dreams. I just collapsed into a heap on the floor. Again, I couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't do anything except for slowly bleed out. I can't explain what it feels like to have half your head missing, but it's an experience I hope never to repeat. One of the worst parts of the ordeal, though, was the blood slowly trickling down my forhead. It was torturous. i couldn't wipe it away, it wouldn't move faster, but I could always feel it tickling. As I lay there, I slowly woke up... My dream kind of just faded into waking life to the point that there was a time that I was aware that I was in my bed here at home, but I still thought I was dying, having shot myself. It took me a long time to wake up and realize I could move and that i was fine... It took even longer to want to get back into bed. I didn't want to be awake, but I didn't want to be asleep to dream, not if a gun to my temple is what i had to look forward to.
Today I've felt like absolute shit. I tried to ignore and forget the dream, but i can't. I keep feeling the cold steel in my hand and the blood on my forehead. This morning was the worst, I felt like puking the whole time... I've gotten past that point, but I don't really feel like sleeping tonight. I need to because I'm supposed to go down to EJ tomorrow for the weekend and I don't want to drive when I'm tired, especially on the Seney Stretch (half hour of dead straight road with no hills, for those not in the know).
Despite the good dreams I know I'm capable of having, dreams like the one last night make me wish I never dreamed anything at all.