Life is good.
I am finding myself becoming more and more secure and free. It's absolutely wonderful!
I'd like to take a moment and reflect on what's going on in my life right now:
1) My son & I have a fantastic relationship. Although he is getting older and will be a teenager this year (gulp) we still have a wonderful, trusting, open relationship. He tells me everything about his day, his friends, his love for music, and he even tells on himself when he browses the internet and comes across sites he isn't suppose to look at. I don't get angry and I don't punish him for being a "boy"...but I make sure he understands that I love him, and I understand most of what he's going through. I think that line of communication is what it is because I actually "talk" to him and not scream or shout. I hope our relationship only blossoms as he gets older. But I know, the ASSHOLE stage is coming soon. I am fully prepared!
2) I actually love my full time job. At times it can be boring, monotonous, stressful, un-challenging. But for the most part, it is the best company I've worked for by far. My coworkers are all amazing people and I get along with everyone. I absolutely love my boss and her love for booze. My company is all about working hard, being professional, and staying on top of the game. But most importantly, my company takes care of me. We all work hard....but we play hard too. I see myself here for a very long time.
3) I, of course, love my part-time job. Teaching is my passion. My students are my life. It is an absolute joy to walk in every Saturday morning to bright smiling faces. My passion for dance & music is absorbed through these little sponges. For 3 hours I am the center of attention to 3 sets of students. I make kids dig deep down inside and find the singer, the dancer, and the actor within. And to see them actually break out of their shells is truly rewarding. Having parents and total strangers approach me after a performance and tell me what a great job I'm doing with these kids...it's the most uplifting feeling. I've had parents tell me "I enjoy coming to your classes, Miss Charlene. You have so much energy...and so much patience. You are a great teacher"...it makes it worth it every time!
4) My friends are one of the best things in my life. To be able to call someone up and vent, cry, share stories with, have a drink with, have dinner with, laugh with, dance with, and be there for...I don't know what I'd do without my friends. They are my support system. They are everything to me. Even those friends that have moved away, or I don't talk to much...still, we can always pick up where we've left off as if time never passed in between. I love my friends with all my heart.
5) My family is wonderful. My sister & her husband are truly amazing. They are taking care of 2 foster kids in addition to taking care of their own. My 3 nephews are the twinkles in my eyes. I have a special relationship with each one of them. It's also scary to see how much my niece has grown. This will be her last year taking my dance classes...and it makes me sad. But because of my influence, she has hopes to become a dancer and her goal is to attend Julliard. How awesome is that? My brother is so special to me as well. He's reaching some turning points in his life, and I am hopeful I can be there for him when he needs a kind ear and sound advice. My parents are the best thing in the world. I only wish they would take better care of their health. But isn't that just like parents? Always taking care of others...but forgetting to take care of themselves.
6) The new guy-I don't want to jinx anything...but I met a guy 2 weeks ago. We're going out on our second date this Friday. We are so much like eachother, it's scary. He is handsome, kind, funny, and everything I have been looking for in someone. But that's all I'm going to brag about that.
7) What's really weird is after having gone through all the heartache, disappointment, rejection, more disappointment, more rejection in relationships...I've come to a point in my life where I've learned to just appreciate the moments that are handed to me. And if he never calls or writes me again, so be it. Not gonna sit here and wonder why or what went wrong. Just gonna look back and be happy that it happened. And be hopeful and positive that I'll have more great moments with other people in my life. This feels good. Really good.
8) I think getting off the birth control pills/ring helped alot as well. Plus the fact that I finally removed Chris from my life. I was such a depressed & stressed out person for sooooo long. My eyes are finally open. I can see so much clearer. I can breath easier. I can think straight. I can actually function. It's fantastic.
9) Now, if only I can control my acne. Seriously, ever since I laid off the birth control, my face has taken a turn for the worse. I'm going to see a dermatologist next week. But in the meantime, my face is a mess. I wear alot of make up to cover it up...but that's no good. I haven't seen my face this bad since my early 20's. Bleh!
10) And finally...my weight issues. Well, I'll admit I've been quite lazy lately. I lost a bit of motivation. I lose it, then I find it, only to lose it again. Can't seem to pinpoint why I lose it. All I know is that I need to step it up. I still walk 3-4 times a week during my lunch hour. But I have been slacking on hiking and I could probably do better with my eating habits. I try to tell myself that I am happy with my body...and I try to remain secure about my body and wear things that are flattering to my good parts...but for the most part, I am not happy. I do want to change my body and it's a constant struggle. I don't have money to join a gym or join a weight program. I have to rely on myself for the time being. And well, that's probably the problem. I'll need to find the motivation and the courage to change that!
All in all, things are great in my life right now. Can't complain too much. It's been a long and scary journey, but I'm finally here. Lots of heartache, depression, drugs, booze, self pity, and self mutilation were involved but sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you can hit the top. I now know how ugly that road is...and I will do my very best to avoid ever going down there again!
I'd like to take a moment and reflect on what's going on in my life right now:
1) My son & I have a fantastic relationship. Although he is getting older and will be a teenager this year (gulp) we still have a wonderful, trusting, open relationship. He tells me everything about his day, his friends, his love for music, and he even tells on himself when he browses the internet and comes across sites he isn't suppose to look at. I don't get angry and I don't punish him for being a "boy"...but I make sure he understands that I love him, and I understand most of what he's going through. I think that line of communication is what it is because I actually "talk" to him and not scream or shout. I hope our relationship only blossoms as he gets older. But I know, the ASSHOLE stage is coming soon. I am fully prepared!
2) I actually love my full time job. At times it can be boring, monotonous, stressful, un-challenging. But for the most part, it is the best company I've worked for by far. My coworkers are all amazing people and I get along with everyone. I absolutely love my boss and her love for booze. My company is all about working hard, being professional, and staying on top of the game. But most importantly, my company takes care of me. We all work hard....but we play hard too. I see myself here for a very long time.
3) I, of course, love my part-time job. Teaching is my passion. My students are my life. It is an absolute joy to walk in every Saturday morning to bright smiling faces. My passion for dance & music is absorbed through these little sponges. For 3 hours I am the center of attention to 3 sets of students. I make kids dig deep down inside and find the singer, the dancer, and the actor within. And to see them actually break out of their shells is truly rewarding. Having parents and total strangers approach me after a performance and tell me what a great job I'm doing with these kids...it's the most uplifting feeling. I've had parents tell me "I enjoy coming to your classes, Miss Charlene. You have so much energy...and so much patience. You are a great teacher"...it makes it worth it every time!
4) My friends are one of the best things in my life. To be able to call someone up and vent, cry, share stories with, have a drink with, have dinner with, laugh with, dance with, and be there for...I don't know what I'd do without my friends. They are my support system. They are everything to me. Even those friends that have moved away, or I don't talk to much...still, we can always pick up where we've left off as if time never passed in between. I love my friends with all my heart.
5) My family is wonderful. My sister & her husband are truly amazing. They are taking care of 2 foster kids in addition to taking care of their own. My 3 nephews are the twinkles in my eyes. I have a special relationship with each one of them. It's also scary to see how much my niece has grown. This will be her last year taking my dance classes...and it makes me sad. But because of my influence, she has hopes to become a dancer and her goal is to attend Julliard. How awesome is that? My brother is so special to me as well. He's reaching some turning points in his life, and I am hopeful I can be there for him when he needs a kind ear and sound advice. My parents are the best thing in the world. I only wish they would take better care of their health. But isn't that just like parents? Always taking care of others...but forgetting to take care of themselves.
6) The new guy-I don't want to jinx anything...but I met a guy 2 weeks ago. We're going out on our second date this Friday. We are so much like eachother, it's scary. He is handsome, kind, funny, and everything I have been looking for in someone. But that's all I'm going to brag about that.
7) What's really weird is after having gone through all the heartache, disappointment, rejection, more disappointment, more rejection in relationships...I've come to a point in my life where I've learned to just appreciate the moments that are handed to me. And if he never calls or writes me again, so be it. Not gonna sit here and wonder why or what went wrong. Just gonna look back and be happy that it happened. And be hopeful and positive that I'll have more great moments with other people in my life. This feels good. Really good.
8) I think getting off the birth control pills/ring helped alot as well. Plus the fact that I finally removed Chris from my life. I was such a depressed & stressed out person for sooooo long. My eyes are finally open. I can see so much clearer. I can breath easier. I can think straight. I can actually function. It's fantastic.
9) Now, if only I can control my acne. Seriously, ever since I laid off the birth control, my face has taken a turn for the worse. I'm going to see a dermatologist next week. But in the meantime, my face is a mess. I wear alot of make up to cover it up...but that's no good. I haven't seen my face this bad since my early 20's. Bleh!
10) And finally...my weight issues. Well, I'll admit I've been quite lazy lately. I lost a bit of motivation. I lose it, then I find it, only to lose it again. Can't seem to pinpoint why I lose it. All I know is that I need to step it up. I still walk 3-4 times a week during my lunch hour. But I have been slacking on hiking and I could probably do better with my eating habits. I try to tell myself that I am happy with my body...and I try to remain secure about my body and wear things that are flattering to my good parts...but for the most part, I am not happy. I do want to change my body and it's a constant struggle. I don't have money to join a gym or join a weight program. I have to rely on myself for the time being. And well, that's probably the problem. I'll need to find the motivation and the courage to change that!
All in all, things are great in my life right now. Can't complain too much. It's been a long and scary journey, but I'm finally here. Lots of heartache, depression, drugs, booze, self pity, and self mutilation were involved but sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you can hit the top. I now know how ugly that road is...and I will do my very best to avoid ever going down there again!