My dear friend, Chris

[charlenegod]

Damn it, Chirs! I miss our email chats. i always looked forward to reading the responses i use to get from you, or even just random notes about random shit...it was really the highlight of my day. when i would become overwhelmed with work, stressed, and ready to punch a wall...i knew i could always count on you to make me smile or laugh. one of the things that attracted me to you. i miss it very much. i don't get any response out of you anymore. that part of our friendship has just simply deteriorated after we plunged into the "deed". things certainly have changed between us. we're definitely getting to know a different side of one another. i'm enjoying to get to know the softer side of you, but it seems that while i'm getting to know the intimate side; i can no longer hold on to the friendship side. i miss it very much. it makes me sad inside. i miss how we use to hang out and watch movies and laugh. i miss being able to pick up the phone and talk to you with just about anything. you'd listen. you'd laugh. you'd give your opinion. we'd debate. followed up by how wrong you are...it was fun. what happened? i want my friend back. i'd rather give up being intimate with you if it means i'll get my friend back. and i'm so glad you agreed when we talked about that on sunday. you were right. we did need a break from eachother. we were getting too comfortable and the assumption that we had to spend every weekend together was, well....all very presumptuous. i am also glad you shared your feelings, and the idea that perhaps you were protecting yourself, and not to mention protecting my feelings by un-intentionally being distant. but you don't have to do that anymore, ok? now, although i enjoy the fact that we are still free spirited free agents, i can't help but to wonder sometimes what it would be like should we decide to take this a step further. probably why this eats me up inside so much. i'm struggling with the uncertainty of it all. lots of emotions are coming into play. emotions that i was hoping wouldn't happen. damn, those feelings! i guess you were feeling them too and didn't want to ride that wave? i dunno. but i'm so glad that we're gonna do our buddy happy hour thing this friday. i miss it terribly! i think it will be good for us to find the friend in eachother that we felt we lost these past couple of weeks. i also think that it may be the beginning of the end of our intimate relationship. it kills me to think or say that...but i just have this feeling that it might be the best thing for us to do in order to keep our friendship alive. maybe we are soul mates in a different spirit? i love you, my friend! i hope you never stray!

kiss kiss
~Charlene