[Unforgettable Trilogy] My Confession
Fanfiction Name: My confession
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Summary: “I am but a killing machine, Tsuna. They created me to kill and destroy. The sins of our Famiglia, I’ll be the one to be condemned with it. So please let me bear this burden alone…I will, with all cost, protect your smile.” - Tsunayoshi’s confession. 7227
Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Warning: Shounen-ai, mention of blood and violence.
Pairing: 7227, in another word, HDW!Tsuna x Tsuna (or Tsunayoshi x Tsuna)
A/N: Hello there again. This comes out similar to what you call a sequel to my earlier fanfic, The first moment. (Though the events are not at all related) It sets in two years after they met, so. Hmm, I don’t think it is nearly as good as I first planned, but, well, I did try my best…It’s just…hard, you know, as this is my very first time writing those kind of scenes. All the description alone could have driven me nut. But, I still hope you enjoy the fic. And review too! Let me know what you think about my fic; do you want another scene or something. I will see into what I can do. Oh, and please forgive me if there are mistakes here and there too. Thank you very much. *bow*
A/N no2: By the way, this one, and the other before it (The first moment), are prequels (in a way, if you can call it) of my long fic, Expect the Unexpected. Yay! Please try them out too.
~X~
My Confession
Autumn, the most beautiful time of the year, where the sky had to be so high and blue; where sunlight danced along the edges of the clouds, coated them in a golden glow; where colorful leaves painted the day with various shades of red, yellow and orange, with a tiny bit of purple to highlight the romantic picture. Life itself seemed so lively too, so full of sap and energy. Little birds flapped their wings happily, chirping away their stories in that secret language only they knew. And the song of the wind was just so lovingly gentle, bringing along with them that sweet fragrant of fresh grass and flowers. Everything was so peaceful, so lovely outside, as if gods had finally opened their arms to embrace the earth in their sacred blessings.
But Tsuna knew better.
That was nothing but a lie. Life just had to deceive you like that, with their sugary words - the wonderful colors and sounds and scents - to hypnotize you, to lure you into doing something wrong, then toss you in Hell to face the most painful punishments possible; in his case, paperwork.
The poorest man of all humankind (he call himself that - in his weirdly constructed brain) stared in distaste at the scene before him, left eye irritatedly twitching. Sitting majestically on his large mahogany desk were piles and piles and higher piles of immaculate white papers. Why, oh why had he been so foolish as to believe in the generous heart of his sadistic tutor, or to count on that dearest self-proclaimed right-hand man of his? Why had he listened to his guardian’s advice about that short nap in the first place?! His tutor didn’t have a heart, for god’s sake, and his Storm guardian just had to forget to wake him up as promised! He had slept for, he quickly took a glance at his watch, omigod five hours!!! No doubt the amount of work had miraculously tripled while he was gone…
Heaving a sign, Tsuna resigned his fate to the hand of the awaiting paperwork bastards. If he had to die, he decided, he’d go down with a good fight.
Scratch that.
He wouldn’t die doing paperwork, alright. And furthermore, he would definitely keep his promise too. He had promised to welcome home a certain someone, safe and sound, hadn’t he? He would be home after the mission - the dangerous mission, Tsuna corrected himself - which he had to take in place of Kyoya, seeing as the later was pretty much unavailable at the moment. Tsuna frown thinking of the despicable Famiglia. Recently they have openly stood up against the Vongola, carrying out numerous sneaky projects that, as affirmed by the information gathered from Kyoya’s men, included human experiments on children. To the young boss of Vongola, that was simply unacceptable. That was inhumane. How could they even think of doing something like that? They didn’t know, they would never understand the agony the subjects would have to undergo…But he knew, he had lived through it. Because he had the reason to; he must suffer for the greater gain. It was, their crime was just…unforgivable.
Shaking his head, Tsuna wanted to forget about its ever happening. It was all over. No need to bother himself about it again. Now keep your mind busy with pleasant thought! Tsuna playfully chided himself. Yeah, that’s it! He happily scrolled up his sleeves and began mindlessly signing the reports, or replying letters, all the while humming softly to himself.
He was going to see Tsunayoshi in some hours. He was finally going to see Tsunayoshi in a few hours. Finally, he was going to -
“Juudaime?”
“What!!” Tsuna shot out instantly, jerking forcefully out of his dream.
“…” Hayato stared wordlessly, confused.
“…” Tsuna blinked, and blinked, and blinked; then he sighed, mentally slapping himself, and started carefully, “Oh sorry Hayato-kun, I was just thinking…So, what is it?”
“Urg…Juudaime…” Hayato seemed oddly hesitant, “He is back…” he paused, took a deep breath before continued, “Drenched in blood…Theysayhekilledallofthem!!” He blurted out, squinted his eyes shut, facing away.
“What!!” Again Tsuna shouted, voice laced with joy. “Are you saying that Tsunayoshi is back? Where is he now? How -” He suddenly stopped, eyes widened, “…Hayato?” He cautiously asked, disbelieving eyes peering at his friend, “Hayato…w-what? Hayato!” He called again, more urgently. Again, only silence greeted him.
In a flash, Tsuna jumped out of his seat, running passed his guardian, out of the large room, down the many long hallways; he ran and ran and ran. “Where,” he frantically thought, “Where are you!”
~X~
The afternoon air was slightly cold, now that it already turned Fall. The chilling wind, if anything, was doing a good job in soothing his nerves.
Tsunayoshi sighed wearily. He was tired, very tired. It was mercilessly haunting; the blood, the screams, the pain…their pain that’d contorted their dying faces…How he wanted to forget them all.
He wanted to forget his life; no, he shook his head, he wanted to forget his existence.
Two years, for two long years has he been existing; breathing, eating, sleeping, yes, existing, but never truly living. He was, after all, a creature born from darkness, fed by loneliness and grown up to be a mere tool. His lips slightly curled up into a pain smile. Then what was the point of his existence again? Why had god created him? Again, Tsunayoshi shook his head. No, god didn’t create him. That child did. Tsuna did.
He had been a mere shadow in a child’s fragile heart. He had been created, without the other knowing, by the unbearable loneliness and fear. In the eternal darkness, Tsunayoshi had watched over as the child grown up - he had been crying, alone. He had been mocking, taunting, calling names, beating up, bullying…every cruel thing they could think of, they had thrown it to his face.
But day by day, the child had clung to his pureness, his innocence. He had always been the little happy child that Tsunayoshi so cherished, the gentle angel that, with his smile alone, had warmed up the cold space where, supposedly, his heart laid. Tsuna…did he know that, for so long, he has been his only thread to reality? Probably not. Tsunayoshi smiled faintly at the other’s obliviousness. Really, Tsuna just had to be so adorable.
But, he scowled, as Tsuna had joined the Famiglia…he had been stressed out more and more. His heart had kept bleeding and his mind crying. Never had Tsunayoshi felt so helpless…he couldn’t do anything to wipe the misery away. So he had had no choice but forcefully shoved the boy back into the confine of his shell, to be in control more often, to share the burden with the other. But it just wasn’t enough. Finally, he had made a wish that, with the cost of his soul, please, every gods out there, let him be the only one to face the cruelty of life, let him be the one, if anything, to bear the Vongola’s sins alone.
Surprisingly they had heard him. They had granted him that wish. He had a body now…he could finally protect Tsuna. He had thought that, as long as he was near the other, he’d forever be pleased; just keeping the angel in the light, seeing him smile every day, and helping him, with all his power (which, not very surprising, was not much), with every single small matter.
…Sometimes it was just too much, even to him.
That Famiglia, what was the name again - Emilio was it? - had been a threat to Tsuna. So he had killed them off. The boss, the guardians, the fighters, the workers, the scientists, the maids, the cooks, all of them! There…were children too. Many many children. The failed products of their experiments. They had begged him…for help. And he couldn’t do anything. No, he couldn’t! He hadn’t known anything else. So, he had, too, slaughtered them, telling his heart that, over and over again, they were better of dying; that they weren’t human anymore.
They - whoever unlucky enough to cross his path - had cursed him, called him monster. But he wouldn’t give a damn about it! He had destroyed the entire place, burned it up, wiped out their existence.
Tsunayoshi laughed, sounding nothing but anguish.
What a monster indeed.
He felt horrible of himself. He lived to be a nightmare to all their daring enemies. With the Famiglia’s selfish wish, he had become a killing machine. But who to blame now? He was, after all, the one who had chosen this life...
There was, however, just one thing he regretted, in this dirty life of his.
How could he face Tsuna with the way he was now? How could he protect him when he himself was a murderer?
How could Tsuna accept him?
A tidal wave of emotions swept over his chest, flooded his scarred heart, drowning him in the depth of despair. He buried his face into the soft carpet made of tender grass, letting the young leaves delightfully caress his skin, hoping that, somehow, it would distract the overwhelming pain. No, he wouldn’t cry. Despite the stinging sensation in the corners of his eyes, he still wouldn’t cry. He panted, suddenly found it so damn hard to breathe. He doubled over; his body shook violently, hands clutching the fabric of his shirt so hard his knuckles drained white, as if struggling to cling on to his damaged sanity.
Tsunayoshi Vongola, cold hearted blood-sucker of Vongola Famiglia, was on the verge of breaking down.
~X~
The back garden of Vongola estate, where the vegetation was rumored to be lasting over four decades, was the Decimo’s most favorite place. Quiet, peaceful and…green. The grass, the trees, the bushes; their colors varied richly from Bright to India to Forest to Dartmouth green…with some tiny yellow flowers embellishing the lush carpet. It was always there where he could find the precious peace, along with his beloved companion. They would, without fail, sneak out there just to be in the present of each other, to be able to relax their mind just for a little while, or to comfort each other in a hard day.
But today the picture was off.
It’s not that everything was not the same - on the contrary, the scenery was pretty much perfect - but that the usual peace was seriously lacking. The silence was so thick that Tsuna could almost picture it pressing upon his already heavy shoulders.
Tsuna quickened his pace, with only one last destination in mind, if he wasn’t here...
“Tsunayoshi?”
He called softly just in case, not wanting to alert the other. Receiving no reply, he turned a bush, and just as soft a voice, called again, “Tsunayo -”
He stopped mid-sentence. There he was, his Tsunayoshi, looming under the shade of an old oak. But…But…he was not the usual Tsunayoshi that he knew. The lone figure was coated with dried blood. The dark red tainted the blue shirt, making it a very grotesque mixture of colors. His hair was a mess, untamable brown locks tangled over in every odd angle; some of their tips, too, dyed with red.
Should he really…He hesitated; different feelings were wrestling in his stomach. But there was no fear; no, he could never be afraid of the other. Just, Tsunayoshi seemed not in the mood for a talk...
But…he looked so down…Tsuna bit his dry lip.
He wanted to help so badly it hurt.
A small sound suddenly hit his hearing; Tsuna gasped.
Had he…was Tsunayoshi crying?
There, the other’s body was as still as a rock. But he had heard a quiet sob…had he imagined things? Not quite. Tsuna gulped.
“T-Tsunayoshi?” Tsuna cautiously asked. He slowly treaded forward, feet trembling with every step.
“Don’t!” The other shouted, voice hoarse and broken, “Don’t come closer, Tsuna. I…don’t want you to see the present me.” He said again, softened his tone a bit. “Just…go away…”
“But Tsunayoshi! I’m worried about you!” Tsuna protested, almost desperate now. “Please Tsunayoshi, I just…” He trailed off, “I want to help you.” He pleaded, heart aching at the state the other was in.
“Tsuna,” he began after a while of utter silence, “Again, I blew off the place. I destroyed them all. I’m…a monster, Tsuna.” He promptly looked up, amber turned blood-shot eyes staring at Tsuna imploringly, a heart-breaking smile on his beautiful face, “So please, stay away from me…” I don’t want to stain you.
Tsuna’s breath was caught haft way in his throat. Tsunayoshi looked…horrible. His complexion darkened with grief. The gorgeous golden glint was missing there too, in his eyes, making them abnormally dull and lifeless. A frail trail of crystal liquid was still visible on his flushed cheeks. Oh, how a moment of an emotional (or was it a mental?) break-down could make you seem so much, much older.
“Wha-” Tsuna choked out, face blanched. “Wha-at…” he tried again, trembling, “What…do you mean? Tsunayoshi?” Tsuna hurriedly asked, feeling a sudden cold dread gripping his heart.
“I am but a killing machine, Tsuna.” The other repeated, voice calm but stern, confident but underlined with hurt. “They created me just to kill. Out of the two of us, I was chosen to execute our Famiglia’s sins.” He paused, then with a sad, sincere smile, he added, “So, please Tsuna. For you, let me be the one to bear the burden alone. Let me be the one to be condemned with it all. That is the only way…” The only way I can protect your smile. He finished off in his thoughts.
Then Tsunayoshi stood up, ready to walk out of the picture, out of Tsuna’s life.
But the other simply wouldn’t have it.
In a blink of an eye, Tsunayoshi found himself on the ground again, an extra weigh latching tightly on to his middle, Tsuna was straddling his waist.
With all his might Tsuna grasped the other’s shirt, eyes narrowing menacingly, “Cut it, Tsunayoshi! You know damn well I don’t give a fuck about it!” Tsuna gritted his teeth angrily, so much unlike himself. “Why…how can you see so little of yourself! You’re better than that, Tsunayoshi! You know you’re better than that!” The vice grip of his hands loosened, but the constriction in his chest got stronger, bitter tears swelling in his eyes. “No, not…not a monster…You…you’re human, Tsunayoshi.” And having not the strength to hold back anymore, Tsuna began to sob openly; his small shoulders shaking, desperate words blending with broken sobs. “You kill, but you feel! Monsters don’t have a heart, Tsunayoshi. But you do! That’s why you were crying, ‘cos your heart was bleeding! Please, Tsunayoshi, it’s bleeding here,” he punched the other where the heartbeats could be found, “Please…Don’t be so cruel with yourself.” Then he buried his tearstained face into the other’s chest, “Please…I don’t want you to push me away like that…I can’t take it when you just suffer alone…I want to help…We are meant for each other! Tsunayoshi! Don’t you understand? We are one! Even if we were apart, we are still only one soul. So we have to go through it together. I want to be with you…always…So please…please…” Tsuna wailed, very much like a child, hugging the other like no tomorrow. He shook his head furiously, begging his other self again and again, “So please…just please…Don’t say that…please…”
Tsunayoshi was beyond stunned. He imagined, at that moment, he finally ceased to exist.
His brain ceased to work, overload with all the mind-blowing words.
He ceased to feel as all his senses were swept away by the tsunami called Tsuna’s tears.
He ceased to see as his eyes could only make out the rocking form of his little one.
He ceased to hear as his ears only recognized the sobbing voice of his angel.
He even ceased to breathe, because, his heart has just crumbled,
Along with his entire world. His belief. His curse. Everything.
So he just lied there, rigid, letting the other cry his heart out.
~X~
“Tsuna…” Tsunayoshi was reborn a forever later, with brand-new traits he had never dreamed of possessing: hesitation, understanding, guilt, and confusion.
Was it how Tsuna always think of him…of them? Had he really been that blind all the time to notice it? He had only been seeing one side of a coin. Always thought what he was doing was the best for them. He had never considered about Tsuna’s feeling. He was so damn selfish! How could he even forget that they are just one entirety? How on earth he could think of leaving the other all alone again? How could he bring himself to think about walking out of the other’s life…!
Tsunayoshi brought up one trembling hand to stroke his Tsuna’s hair, how he always loved the silky fine fibres; the other one enveloped his small back in a firm embrace, drawing comforting patterns to soothe the distraught angel. Then he slowly sat up, cradling his lighter haft into a sitting position on his lap, all the while whispering sweet nothing into the other’s ears.
“I’m sorry Tsuna…I’m sorry…” He apologized whole-heartedly in a hushed tone, “Please don’t cry.” He sighed, resting his chin on the fluffy locks, “Please, listen to me.”
“Promise…” Tsuna’s words came out muffled, undecipherable to the other.
“Yes, what is it Tsuna?” Tsunayoshi patiently asked.
Tsuna sniffled, but then demanded louder, “Promise you won’t be like that ever again!”
“Yeah” he breathed, “I promise you, Tsuna.” He sighed, moving his hand to lift up the other’s face. Now Tsunayoshi knew he should feel really guilty by making this adorable angel cry. But, the looks on his face…Tsunayoshi blushed very faintly, savoring the sight of his angel’s big tearful eyes, the puffy defiant cheeks and the unbearably cute pouty lips…absolutely adorable indeed. He mindlessly commented out, tilting his head to the side a little, “And you are really cute, you know that?”
It took a full minute for the petite man to translate the words, and another minute to form a decent reply, “I am not cute!” he protested weakly, betrayed by his pink tinted cheeks.
“Yes, you are. And, Tsuna?” Tsunayoshi gently asked, with all the love and care and devotion on the world.
“Y-Yes?” Tsuna swallowed, feeling ridiculously nervous at the unfamiliar tone used by his other self.
“I love you.” He simply stated, but with emotion strong enough to clear away all unspoken doubt.
Tsuna’s eyes doubled in size (don’t ask me if it even possible), his face now the stage for an army of red to show off their shades. He opened his mouth, but any chance of replying was cut short by the other’s next action.
Tsunayoshi leaned forward, swiftly closing the gap between them, and captured the other’s parted petals with his warm lips. Smiling a little when there was not the slightest resistance, he used his thumb to lovingly massage his other half’s smooth face; then pressed their bodies even closer, bit by bit deepened the kiss. He closed his eyes, letting himself float in a heaven of amazing sweetness.
They pulled apart as the need for air grew. Panting softly, Tsunayoshi gazed at his partner, bemused.
Tsuna kept staring unseeingly at the…impossible person whose arms was now encircling his hips loosely, all system numb; his mind ranting the only mantra he held on to for dear life.
Tsunayoshi kissed him.
Tsunayoshi kissed him!
Oh my gods Tsunayoshi kissed him!
Then without warning, his face exploded with that rich color of red.
Tsunayoshi licked his lips, feeling for the lingering taste. And still he had the grace to curiously arch an elegant brow. “Well?”
“Wha-what!” Tsuna cried out, disbelievingly.
Tsunayoshi chuckled, obviously amused. “You’re a weirdo too, you know?”
“Y-you…l-l-l-ove…k-k-issed…” He stammered stupidly, maybe those paperworks did eat away his brain after all.
Tsunayoshi cocked the other brow, letting both happily flirt with his hairline.
Amber eyes narrowed, suddenly sported a strange, dark glint, “You like it.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.
Before he knew it, they were in for another kiss. But this one was on a much more deep, heated, and passionate level…and with the participation of both parties.
Maybe, just maybe, life wasn’t as bad as they had previously thought.