Thank you so, so much for sharing that... It's hard sometimes not being close to other moms (I should try harder at school but we're very different!)... so I don't hear these stories. My other girlfriends aren't moms so... I miss out.
Yes, I suspect she will find a way to cope. And maybe a shared snuggly toy would help, and more photos (we never take enough). I love the dream you encouraged - that sounds like something I would do too, without forcing it - but taking the cue from her.
I will take cues from her. And I do let myself grieve. But it seems it always takes the form of "imagining" the loss from her perspective. No doubt in part because I've had strained relations with my mom for years... better now but still. Quite simply, I suppose I relate to Maddie's worst fear - being alone with no mommy, because for years that's precisely what I did feel (cue violins, enter Dr. Freud)...
Anyway. I can't protect her entirely. I know that. Surely some of my anxiety about protecting her is anxiety about protecting myself. That part I will let go of. And just enjoy the days we have left - be they months or, who knows.
I *totally* get that. My mom and I...well we did a *lot* better when we were no longer living in the same house (two Sagittarians under one roof -baaaaaaaaaaaaad idea, not that I learned my lesson, as my first ex - the red-heads' dad - and I actually share a birthday). LOL I learned early on that if I called my mom about once a week and fed her some innocuous kid news, she'd leave me alone because she felt I was keeping her in the loop, which is really all she wanted. Didn't hurt me, made her feel better, kept me sane. :D I didn't realize until a conversation with my sister and my dad after her death that she'd been an alcoholic all along, which contributed to a lot of the "weirdness"...I was utterly clueless (didn't *everybody's* mom take a nap ever afternoon? And do silly stuff to everybody laugh? And have cocktails when Daddy came home from work? Of course, this was the 60's and 70's, so pretty much...yeah). :)
And yeah, interesting about that alcoholic mom thing. May have been a contributing factor during my teen years actually - oo, not a good time that was. (and I'm sure I was a total pain in the ass too... which one could argue might have driven anyone to drink).
Yes, I suspect she will find a way to cope. And maybe a shared snuggly toy would help, and more photos (we never take enough). I love the dream you encouraged - that sounds like something I would do too, without forcing it - but taking the cue from her.
I will take cues from her. And I do let myself grieve. But it seems it always takes the form of "imagining" the loss from her perspective. No doubt in part because I've had strained relations with my mom for years... better now but still. Quite simply, I suppose I relate to Maddie's worst fear - being alone with no mommy, because for years that's precisely what I did feel (cue violins, enter Dr. Freud)...
Anyway. I can't protect her entirely. I know that. Surely some of my anxiety about protecting her is anxiety about protecting myself. That part I will let go of. And just enjoy the days we have left - be they months or, who knows.
Thanks, Eu. Wonderful story.
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Glad it helped, hon. Any time.
*hugs*
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And yeah, interesting about that alcoholic mom thing. May have been a contributing factor during my teen years actually - oo, not a good time that was. (and I'm sure I was a total pain in the ass too... which one could argue might have driven anyone to drink).
xx
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