Living Drama free - a continual conscious choice
I grew up in a very drama heavy household. When you are the daughter of a bipolar alcoholic and a narcissistic personality disorder with OCD, you're not getting the drama free childhood package. Someone in our family was always screaming about something - insults, things not done 'right', the crisis of the moment. Everything was a Big Deal. Problems escalated from zero to full blown drama almost instantly at times, with little cause and effect.
It was difficult, if not entirely impossible, to determine what situations would lead to drama. When you are dealing with two people with untreated mental illness who have less than a high school education, there is a lot of blame placing and a lot of lack of understanding of their own responsibility in the situation. As a child I felt helpless to understand the forces that drove my parents, and therefore my life, to these peaks of anger, violence, and blame.
I might be beaten for anything from spilling milk (age 3) to saying I didn't like a birthday present (age 9). I was threatened verbally with everything from being sold to gypsies (very young) to being kicked out of the house (teen) for not doing whatever was expected at me from whichever of them felt like being parental at the time. The problem was there was never any consistency to the rules, or comprehension of how to stay out of 'trouble.' Trouble was whatever they thought you shouldn't be doing at any given minute. I lived in a state of perpetual fear and horror that is a big reason for my c-ptsd today.
As a young adult, I often found myself in dramatic situations of my own. Things just seemed to 'happen to me' and I felt powerless to affect the world around me, due to lack of funds, experience, and in some cases, sanity. I had poor planning skills and untreated mental illness, and a childhood that had not prepared me to function as an adult in the wolrd.
Now I am a middle aged adult, and I live remarkably drama free. I am happy! I am kind. I am helpful. I make conscious choices to be so. How did I arrive at this point?
1) Therapy. A lot of therapy you guys. Like... a lot. CBT, EMDR, and art therapy. Learning to process all my childhood trauma, and how to express my emotions appropriately and take responsibility for my own actions helped TREMENDOUSLY. I can't stress this enough. You don't have to sit down on a couch to talk to Dr.Freud about your mother. You can read Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Dummies on your Kindle, or see a grief counselor, or start art journaling to explore your emotional states. The important part is to Start. Start somewhere. Move forward. Take responsibility for your own happiness.
2) Medication. Folks, sometimes you need meds. There is no shame in that. If you had diabetes, you would need insulin. If you have high blood pressure, you would take a blood pressure med. Do not fear needing to be medicated for your anxiety, depression, or other mental or mood disorders. Your body might be deficient in certain chemicals, and there's no shame in that. Take responsibilty for your meds - tell the doctor if a med doesn't work right so it can be adjusted, don't just stop taking or stop seeing the doctor. IT took a few YEARS to get my perfect combo of medications down. It was rough at times, no lie. But it was worth it in the end!
3) Going no contact with toxic relations and friends. If someone is putting you down, causing drama in your life, treating you like shit -- cut them loose. Regardless of whether ir is your parent, your child, your spouse. NO CONTACT. Zero. None. If someone knocks on the door and says hello, I'm here to destroy your self esteem and tell you what a horrible person you are -- would you let that stranger in? No? Then don't let your relative in. In this day and age, we are SO globally connected. You can find your true family that will love and support you. Don't hold on to friends or family who don't out of fear that you will never find anyone else. You will!
4) Take responsibility for you. This means your emotional states, your behaviors, how you move through and interact with the world. Find joy in little things. You are worth it. Let go of hate, anger, pain wherever you can - it's only hurting you to hold on to them. Be kind where you can, be supportive where you can, spread love not hate. Every day there are a million little choices to make. Make them conscientiously.
5) Don't engage in drama. Just don't. If you see it happening, walk away. If it tries to follow you screaming its way into your life--- close the door. Hang up the phone. Turn off the computer. Then go do something that makes you happy. You deserve it.
It was difficult, if not entirely impossible, to determine what situations would lead to drama. When you are dealing with two people with untreated mental illness who have less than a high school education, there is a lot of blame placing and a lot of lack of understanding of their own responsibility in the situation. As a child I felt helpless to understand the forces that drove my parents, and therefore my life, to these peaks of anger, violence, and blame.
I might be beaten for anything from spilling milk (age 3) to saying I didn't like a birthday present (age 9). I was threatened verbally with everything from being sold to gypsies (very young) to being kicked out of the house (teen) for not doing whatever was expected at me from whichever of them felt like being parental at the time. The problem was there was never any consistency to the rules, or comprehension of how to stay out of 'trouble.' Trouble was whatever they thought you shouldn't be doing at any given minute. I lived in a state of perpetual fear and horror that is a big reason for my c-ptsd today.
As a young adult, I often found myself in dramatic situations of my own. Things just seemed to 'happen to me' and I felt powerless to affect the world around me, due to lack of funds, experience, and in some cases, sanity. I had poor planning skills and untreated mental illness, and a childhood that had not prepared me to function as an adult in the wolrd.
Now I am a middle aged adult, and I live remarkably drama free. I am happy! I am kind. I am helpful. I make conscious choices to be so. How did I arrive at this point?
1) Therapy. A lot of therapy you guys. Like... a lot. CBT, EMDR, and art therapy. Learning to process all my childhood trauma, and how to express my emotions appropriately and take responsibility for my own actions helped TREMENDOUSLY. I can't stress this enough. You don't have to sit down on a couch to talk to Dr.Freud about your mother. You can read Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Dummies on your Kindle, or see a grief counselor, or start art journaling to explore your emotional states. The important part is to Start. Start somewhere. Move forward. Take responsibility for your own happiness.
2) Medication. Folks, sometimes you need meds. There is no shame in that. If you had diabetes, you would need insulin. If you have high blood pressure, you would take a blood pressure med. Do not fear needing to be medicated for your anxiety, depression, or other mental or mood disorders. Your body might be deficient in certain chemicals, and there's no shame in that. Take responsibilty for your meds - tell the doctor if a med doesn't work right so it can be adjusted, don't just stop taking or stop seeing the doctor. IT took a few YEARS to get my perfect combo of medications down. It was rough at times, no lie. But it was worth it in the end!
3) Going no contact with toxic relations and friends. If someone is putting you down, causing drama in your life, treating you like shit -- cut them loose. Regardless of whether ir is your parent, your child, your spouse. NO CONTACT. Zero. None. If someone knocks on the door and says hello, I'm here to destroy your self esteem and tell you what a horrible person you are -- would you let that stranger in? No? Then don't let your relative in. In this day and age, we are SO globally connected. You can find your true family that will love and support you. Don't hold on to friends or family who don't out of fear that you will never find anyone else. You will!
4) Take responsibility for you. This means your emotional states, your behaviors, how you move through and interact with the world. Find joy in little things. You are worth it. Let go of hate, anger, pain wherever you can - it's only hurting you to hold on to them. Be kind where you can, be supportive where you can, spread love not hate. Every day there are a million little choices to make. Make them conscientiously.
5) Don't engage in drama. Just don't. If you see it happening, walk away. If it tries to follow you screaming its way into your life--- close the door. Hang up the phone. Turn off the computer. Then go do something that makes you happy. You deserve it.