Ten Years Without Jell-O
I'm having another 'Where do I come from?' moment. I've always known that my mother has her mean vindictive moments, but I had no idea how weird and spiteful she could be. She told me about how this one time, dad did something to piss her off (she can't even remember what it was) so she didn't make Jell-O for him for ten years. Until he got sick, and the she was like "Well, I guess I should make Jell-O for him again." How can you hold a grudge for ten years with anyone, let alone with someone you're married to and supposedly love? I asked her if she ever told Dad why she wouldn't make him Jell-O, and she said no, he just eventually stopped asking for it. It kinda made me want to cry, but you know, fuckit. I'm really tired of trying to understand my parents and their weird lives. It's just all the way it is, and there's nothing more I can do about it. Especially now, considering my father will have been dead four years this March.
Last week, I stopped at this gas station I'd never stopped at before. Not only were the prices about six cents cheaper than anywhere else, it was just kinda quirky-weird.They sold roses by the dozen from this freezer-type-container, and there was this little old Chinese man pumping gas.He was so happy! He was all weathered-brown, like someone who's spent their whole life out in the sun, but he had such a pleasant genuine smile. And he thanked us for buying his gas, and reached into the car and shook our hands after. Is it sad that I look to the example of a random stranger for how I want to live my life than my own mother? I can't think of any qualities she has that I'd want for myself.
I guess that's part of why I feel no particular connection to my family- I can spend time with them in small limited doses, but when it comes right down to it, I don't feel much of anything for them as people. If they weren't related, I'd never choose any of them for friends. That makes me pretty sad sometimes. I hope that my kids don't grow up to feel that way about me.
In other news, I think I might have to go for another crochet lesson after the holidays. Several basic concepts are kicking my ass - I think I have one particular problem, but I can't identify what it is, exactly. When I try to make a pattern, I always wind up making it something misshapen (I've noticed this while trying to make granny squares, stars, hats, etc.) . I hope that it's not a cognitive issue - I think it might have to do with the difficulty I have with numbers and sequences. I might try marking the stitches with those little plastic spacer thinguses I got and see if that helps me keep track of them - I'm guessing the problem is either a) too much or too little stitches or b) putting stitches in the wrong place.
I have noticed, though, that crocheting seems to help my manual dexterity a lot. When the doctors said they couldn't help me with the neurological/cognitive problems I was having (insurance wouldn't pay for it, because I still tested way above average with mental abilities like memory, vocabulary, etc.), I figured I might as well help myself. That's kinda what I usually wind up doing anyhow, since I don't really trust in doctors as much as I do in the body's ability to heal itself. Doing crossword puzzles seems to help me with the whole thinking of the correct word to use in a situation problem I have (though I still confuse words with similar sounds and meanings. Yesterday I had a hard time with yew / hew for example, when I was playing scrabble ). I can't find anything much to help for that, other than correcting myself as I speak and write.
Now if I could just find some way to cure my back, or at least strengthen it.
I got a package from my secret santa from RK Net today- it was from Belguim! I got some neat coins, including the Kroner, which has little hearts on it. How nice is that, to have money that loves you? I might take more of an interest in our money if it showed me some love.
Last week, I stopped at this gas station I'd never stopped at before. Not only were the prices about six cents cheaper than anywhere else, it was just kinda quirky-weird.They sold roses by the dozen from this freezer-type-container, and there was this little old Chinese man pumping gas.He was so happy! He was all weathered-brown, like someone who's spent their whole life out in the sun, but he had such a pleasant genuine smile. And he thanked us for buying his gas, and reached into the car and shook our hands after. Is it sad that I look to the example of a random stranger for how I want to live my life than my own mother? I can't think of any qualities she has that I'd want for myself.
I guess that's part of why I feel no particular connection to my family- I can spend time with them in small limited doses, but when it comes right down to it, I don't feel much of anything for them as people. If they weren't related, I'd never choose any of them for friends. That makes me pretty sad sometimes. I hope that my kids don't grow up to feel that way about me.
In other news, I think I might have to go for another crochet lesson after the holidays. Several basic concepts are kicking my ass - I think I have one particular problem, but I can't identify what it is, exactly. When I try to make a pattern, I always wind up making it something misshapen (I've noticed this while trying to make granny squares, stars, hats, etc.) . I hope that it's not a cognitive issue - I think it might have to do with the difficulty I have with numbers and sequences. I might try marking the stitches with those little plastic spacer thinguses I got and see if that helps me keep track of them - I'm guessing the problem is either a) too much or too little stitches or b) putting stitches in the wrong place.
I have noticed, though, that crocheting seems to help my manual dexterity a lot. When the doctors said they couldn't help me with the neurological/cognitive problems I was having (insurance wouldn't pay for it, because I still tested way above average with mental abilities like memory, vocabulary, etc.), I figured I might as well help myself. That's kinda what I usually wind up doing anyhow, since I don't really trust in doctors as much as I do in the body's ability to heal itself. Doing crossword puzzles seems to help me with the whole thinking of the correct word to use in a situation problem I have (though I still confuse words with similar sounds and meanings. Yesterday I had a hard time with yew / hew for example, when I was playing scrabble ). I can't find anything much to help for that, other than correcting myself as I speak and write.
Now if I could just find some way to cure my back, or at least strengthen it.
I got a package from my secret santa from RK Net today- it was from Belguim! I got some neat coins, including the Kroner, which has little hearts on it. How nice is that, to have money that loves you? I might take more of an interest in our money if it showed me some love.