Coming up with a solution
Some time ago, somebody recommended the book "Siblings without Rivals" to me. I read it, applied quite a bit of it, and was pretty happy. Admittedly, stuff like that tends to slide away from me when I don't read it, but there's one aspect I've kept in a modified format.
If kids are fighting and it reaches a fever pitch, the books suggests that you go in, listen to both sides, reflect what they're saying back, then walk away, calmly suggesting that "I'm sure you two will find a solution."
And that's it. Apparently, those words are magical somehow. Well, in our house, that, in and of itself, works sometimes. But not always. And so my mod is that if they yell again while they're finding a solution, they both go to corners until they can work something out and both agree.
Well, they hate going to the corner, so somehow, the words "find a solution" does now work like magic with them. They quit fighting, negotiate something, which they may or may not follow, but the negotiation process itself is what seems to be the important part (how very Piaget of them...). If I'm really lucky, they'll just get into negotiation mode, which may actually last the better part of the day.
Usually, I muddle through this parenting thing, figuring that we're all amateurs, and they'll turn out how they turn out anyway. And occasionally, something goes right.
If kids are fighting and it reaches a fever pitch, the books suggests that you go in, listen to both sides, reflect what they're saying back, then walk away, calmly suggesting that "I'm sure you two will find a solution."
And that's it. Apparently, those words are magical somehow. Well, in our house, that, in and of itself, works sometimes. But not always. And so my mod is that if they yell again while they're finding a solution, they both go to corners until they can work something out and both agree.
Well, they hate going to the corner, so somehow, the words "find a solution" does now work like magic with them. They quit fighting, negotiate something, which they may or may not follow, but the negotiation process itself is what seems to be the important part (how very Piaget of them...). If I'm really lucky, they'll just get into negotiation mode, which may actually last the better part of the day.
Usually, I muddle through this parenting thing, figuring that we're all amateurs, and they'll turn out how they turn out anyway. And occasionally, something goes right.