(no subject)
I long to have a true, deep conversation with someone who loves me. I want to discuss all the highs and lows of life, the complexities of existence, everything without hurt feelings and resentment. I long to stay up late talking and not be in an argument. I'm tired of only feeling like I know only a part of people, and that people only wish to know a part of me. I want to be loved wholely, without reservation or trepidation. I want love to stop being hard for the wrong reasons. I want him to tell me I'm beautiful again; that I'm beautiful without the braided extensions and with the extra weight. I want him to love me fully as not just a woman, but a Black woman, with all that title's innate complications. i want him to appreciate my desire for connection and knowledge; i feel like he hates that i take nothing at face value. I feel you can't love something you've never tried to understand; if you don't know what's wrong with it, how can you truly love it? You only love the idealized image of it.
I want to be loved complete with my complications, not in spite of them. I have never been understood, and I feel remarkably lonely. Goodnight.
I want to be loved complete with my complications, not in spite of them. I have never been understood, and I feel remarkably lonely. Goodnight.