My Date With A Lass Named KATRINA
I'm gonna' set the mood for you.
I got off of a stupid long double-coaster flight from Los Angeles, and was Walt Disney tired. I had slept like 3 hours the whole day and had been up since the dawn of time. I take a mid-afternoon nap as necessary as The Man With One Red Shoe, only to have my father bust in at 8 pm screaming like a rooster with its head cut off.
"We gotta' get to your grandparents' house. The hurricane's started."
"Brr? Adventure? Give me ten minutes."
I jumped out of bed log style and dressed in my storm chasing best. I could smell the danger on my body. I was almost out the door when a worried soul stopped me.
"Jonathan. Stay here. Let your father be crazy on his own. What do you need to go out there for?"
I quietly doffed my cap. Kissed my mother on the forehead. Paused for dramatic effect, and said:
"I'm sorry, Mom. You're the apple of my eye. But right now, I've got my heart set on an eye touting 90 mile an hour winds, and one bad apple could spoil the bunch. Peace."
Driving there was pretty awesomeville '99. The wind, the rain, a giant branch smacking our window, wipering it off, giant gigantor trees all knocked over in the middle of the road. I was Bill Paxton (My Dad gets to be Helen Hunt).
Then, we get to my grandparents' house. My Dad's all like, "I'm taking you old people with me. Let's rock!" My grandparents' are all, "Eh. We don't want to leave. We want to stay here, where we're familiar with our powerless appliances. Nothing is allowed to ever change" "Then we'll sacrifice ourselves and stay here, with you, in this house, forever, tonight. Let's Rock!" "Nah. We like it better when you're not here." And then it was ten minutes of "So...How's, um, oh good. Uh huh. Boy, look at that storm."
Then, back into the beast. More trees tipped, more wind, more rain. We got home safely and it pretty much was really windy till 5 am and we had no power. Truth be told, it was only cool for like 30 minutes. I guess even awesome things get boring after 30 minutes of same old, same old. Like, a T-rex thrashing a cattle ranch would blow your mind. If you watched it for half an hour, you'd probably be all, "Whatever. I wonder what dinosaur tastes like. Probably like lizard meat. Let's get some burgers. T-rex is an idiot."
The aftermath was pretty crazy. Hopefully I'll post some pictures. We went by our old neighborhood and our former neighbor had his new Beetle crushed in half by a giant branch. We talked to him and pretended not to be amused for 3 minutes and then couldn't help it anymore. I mean, come on, that thing was half missing. Car.
One guy, unfortunately, actually died like that in this storm. He was in his car when a power line fell on it. Total sucktown. It made me think about going in a freak accident, R"L. That's got to be the worst way to go. Like Isadora Duncan. It must be so weird for the family.
I've heard this expression that Death is one of the most defining moments of your life. If you really think into the statement, it's gold.
So, what does it say when people come up to the new widow at Jack in the Box and are like, "So, how'd he go?" And she's all, "Well, he wanted to eat these old donut holes that had got stuck to the back of the freezer. He kept on insisting on eating them. I told him to let it go, but he had to have them! He was halfway in the freezer when the whole thing tipped, crushing his spine. After an hour of unbearable pain he finally left us. He was holding the last donut hole and saying "I got you didn't I, you little devil."" "Wow. I'm so sorry. Are you busy later? I mean, so I can console you?" Jerk.
I've pre-selected 3 great ways to go:
1) 140 years old and smothered quietly. By the love of millions.
2) Saving the whole planet by jumping on top of some planet bomb.
3) Kissed on the forehead by a unicorn.
Well, it was sort of fun while it was here. I tip my hat to you, Katrina. Take it easy on those cats in New Orleans. Jazz and Liquor may be enough to destroy Chicago, but it'll take a whirlwind to destroy the Big Easy. Peace.
I got off of a stupid long double-coaster flight from Los Angeles, and was Walt Disney tired. I had slept like 3 hours the whole day and had been up since the dawn of time. I take a mid-afternoon nap as necessary as The Man With One Red Shoe, only to have my father bust in at 8 pm screaming like a rooster with its head cut off.
"We gotta' get to your grandparents' house. The hurricane's started."
"Brr? Adventure? Give me ten minutes."
I jumped out of bed log style and dressed in my storm chasing best. I could smell the danger on my body. I was almost out the door when a worried soul stopped me.
"Jonathan. Stay here. Let your father be crazy on his own. What do you need to go out there for?"
I quietly doffed my cap. Kissed my mother on the forehead. Paused for dramatic effect, and said:
"I'm sorry, Mom. You're the apple of my eye. But right now, I've got my heart set on an eye touting 90 mile an hour winds, and one bad apple could spoil the bunch. Peace."
Driving there was pretty awesomeville '99. The wind, the rain, a giant branch smacking our window, wipering it off, giant gigantor trees all knocked over in the middle of the road. I was Bill Paxton (My Dad gets to be Helen Hunt).
Then, we get to my grandparents' house. My Dad's all like, "I'm taking you old people with me. Let's rock!" My grandparents' are all, "Eh. We don't want to leave. We want to stay here, where we're familiar with our powerless appliances. Nothing is allowed to ever change" "Then we'll sacrifice ourselves and stay here, with you, in this house, forever, tonight. Let's Rock!" "Nah. We like it better when you're not here." And then it was ten minutes of "So...How's, um, oh good. Uh huh. Boy, look at that storm."
Then, back into the beast. More trees tipped, more wind, more rain. We got home safely and it pretty much was really windy till 5 am and we had no power. Truth be told, it was only cool for like 30 minutes. I guess even awesome things get boring after 30 minutes of same old, same old. Like, a T-rex thrashing a cattle ranch would blow your mind. If you watched it for half an hour, you'd probably be all, "Whatever. I wonder what dinosaur tastes like. Probably like lizard meat. Let's get some burgers. T-rex is an idiot."
The aftermath was pretty crazy. Hopefully I'll post some pictures. We went by our old neighborhood and our former neighbor had his new Beetle crushed in half by a giant branch. We talked to him and pretended not to be amused for 3 minutes and then couldn't help it anymore. I mean, come on, that thing was half missing. Car.
One guy, unfortunately, actually died like that in this storm. He was in his car when a power line fell on it. Total sucktown. It made me think about going in a freak accident, R"L. That's got to be the worst way to go. Like Isadora Duncan. It must be so weird for the family.
I've heard this expression that Death is one of the most defining moments of your life. If you really think into the statement, it's gold.
So, what does it say when people come up to the new widow at Jack in the Box and are like, "So, how'd he go?" And she's all, "Well, he wanted to eat these old donut holes that had got stuck to the back of the freezer. He kept on insisting on eating them. I told him to let it go, but he had to have them! He was halfway in the freezer when the whole thing tipped, crushing his spine. After an hour of unbearable pain he finally left us. He was holding the last donut hole and saying "I got you didn't I, you little devil."" "Wow. I'm so sorry. Are you busy later? I mean, so I can console you?" Jerk.
I've pre-selected 3 great ways to go:
1) 140 years old and smothered quietly. By the love of millions.
2) Saving the whole planet by jumping on top of some planet bomb.
3) Kissed on the forehead by a unicorn.
Well, it was sort of fun while it was here. I tip my hat to you, Katrina. Take it easy on those cats in New Orleans. Jazz and Liquor may be enough to destroy Chicago, but it'll take a whirlwind to destroy the Big Easy. Peace.