Why have a job if you aren't going to go to it?
Okay. I realize that he might have been kidding but now is not the time to kid with me. I am so grouchy and I don't even know why. I don't know what else to be. It's like everything that he does gets on my nerves. I have an envelope ready with the address and stamp to go ahead and send the money order. I sent Hector to walmart to get the money orders for the games that I have and to also get the money order for the car payment so that we can go ahead and send it out. Well he comes back and says that he didn't get the money order for the car because he likes to send it express mail. Whatever then, I don't know why I even try. This morning I had to get up to go to the lab and get blood drawn for the preeclampsia test so I got up at 7:15AM and got ready and opened the door of the bedroom to go out and get my keys and crank the car and leave. Well he walks in and says "Are we ready?" I know that I was ready...he wasn't supposed to go along because he has to be at work at 10. I was going to go and do that and then if I didn't make it back in time for him to get to work, he would call a cab to get to work. So I sat and waited for him to get ready. Now if you know that I am pregnant and cranky and I had to get up early, wouldn't you already have everything ready to go? Man that is so freakin frustrating. It's not like I am trying to piss him off...I don't know why I am so mean. I don't understand it. I just want him to go to work so that I can cool down and then I can be nice. I am very nervous about the test results. If I do have it, I could be induced. The nursery isn't completely ready, I don't know if I am completely ready. I'm scared. And I don't know how to handle the panic so I lash out at the one that I love. I'm not only mad at him but I am mad at myself for being like this. Now he isn't going to eat because I "told him that I wanted him to leave." I told him that I wanted him to go to work because if he doesn't go, that gives Rocky even more reason to make his work life hell. Whatever, he doesn't want to understand it...I have already told him that I am scared and he says that everything is going to be alright, but that doesn't make me feel that much better. It doesn't make the fear go away. I am deathly afraid of going into labor. I wish that someone else could do it for me. But I have to suck it up and just do it when the time is right. Maybe my midwife will call and say, Well you have preeclampsia and we are going to have to induce you. In a way I wouldn't mind it being like right away, but then again I want time to finish the nursery and rest a little before giving birth. Plus I don't even know how long the induction process takes. And if the preeclampsia is bad enough, they may do a c-section. I am definetly not prepared for that!! Everything will work out as it should though and I shouldn't worry about it!