(no subject)
Oh well today I don't know where to begin. I have been in kind of a really down mood. I sat up last night for almost an hour crying...about nothing really. I don't know how to get out what I want to say. Once again, I am keeping it all in because I am afraid that I will hurt someone's feelings and I don't want people upset with me. My mom is planning on moving on-post sometime soon. How does that make me feel? I have different emotions about it. For her it's good because it will save her tons of money and it would put her closer to the FRG and closer to the hospital. All of that I understand and that's the good part, but if I am thinking of only myself and trying to make myself happy, I don't want her to move. I feel sort of like she is abandoning me in a way. Because she has said before that driving from here to post is a long trip and she doesn't like to make that long trip a lot. She lives right down the street from me now but she hardly ever comes to my house...I can only imagine how often she will be over here when she moves to post. Even though she will have more initative to come over here once Noah is born. Then I bet she will be over here like everyday!! And if I want/need to go somewhere around here and I would like for my mom to watch Noah, I have to go on post in order to drop him off. It's so much easier while she's here right up the street because I can just walk him up there or something like that and just drop him off until I get back. I wouldn't mind her staying here in my house for a little while because I doubt that Hector will get any paternity leave. Knowing his luck once Rocky finds out that I have had the baby, he will probably make him work more hours than normal without much time off. He is considering leaving Applebee's soon. I know the crap that he has to put up with when it comes to working and dealing with Rocky. It's like Rocky is picking on him. Hector has an MRI scheduled for Thursday because he has that day off. Well Rocky apparently informed him that because he missed Friday (when he was in the hospital for swallowing his bridge) he now has to work Thursday because they don't pay for sick days. Hector told him that he had an MRI for Thursday and Rocky told him that he wasn't going to change the schedule again, but I bet that he will. Rocky wants Hector to stay after work after they close and paint stuff and clean stuff up. Screw that. I say that he shouldn't work anything over 11 hours because he only gets paid for 11 hours a day. He can work more, as long as he gets paid extra. So now he is job searching. It's not that I don't think that his job now sucks, it's just bad timing for him to be going to interviews and looking for other jobs. I'm 9 months pregnant. We can't afford for him to get another job and quit Applebee's. There is always that one week in between paychecks because at a new job, you work 3 weeks before you get a check. With a baby, we can't go an extra week with no money. It's just not doable. What happens if Noah runs out of diapers or wipes or whatever. I told Hector that he needs to think of what's best for the family. He told me that he would and that he wouldn't make any decisions without telling me about them first *he didn't tell me that he was going to work for Applebee's until he had already accepted the job* That works for me...I told him that he needed to go by certain guidelines. Like he needs immediate insurance *I am not on it but he is just now getting the care that he needs for his back and everything else so he needs it*, at least 5 days of paternity leave once the baby is born, he needs to make the same amount *if not more* than what he is making now, work less hours, make sure that the training is here is Clarksville, and make sure that his store will also be in Clarksville. I am not sure that he will find a job to meet his demands and I don't want him taking a job that won't give him any leave and no immediate insurance. Those are the two most important ones. Especially him getting leave. I don't know if he knows how much I will need him after I give birth. I am going to be tired and probably sore depending on what happens during the delivery. I can't do it by myself. My mom says that I can but I don't think that I can. I am so afraid that once I get home, I'm not going to remember how to do anything that I have learned. My mom says that it comes with time and that I have 'mommy instincts' that will kick in telling me what I need to do. I was afraid about what would happen during labor but I don't anymore. I talked to my counselor about it at the last visit. Well I am bored with typing so I think that I will go for now.