Not too much going on at the moment.

[chap_stick_pink]

Just sitting here waiting for [someone] to talk to me. I know from past experiences that I shouldn't get my hopes up but when it comes to talking to him, I just can't help myself. We have such wonderful conversations that lead to almost nothing, but at least they are funny. Like being duck-taped to a window with spiderman. It doesn't get much better than that I don't think. I want to see him but with his upcoming schedule I don't think that it's a possiblity until like 3 years from now! I know that he has a busy life...totally understandable. So maybe I should stop the jumping to conclusions. Maybe I should think of his not talking to me as him having too much on his mind instead of him purposely ignoring me. I really don't know if he could do that. And if he could, I don't think that he could do it for very long. He's too sweet for that. Sometimes I wish that I was into more things that he is. But then most of the time, I am somewhat glad that I am not. I wonder sometimes that if I was into the anime, dress-up thing as him and his friends were, if he'd talk to me more. It's a possiblity I suppose. Well the only thing that I have to say is I miss the kid a lot.

Noah is growing up so much so fast. I look back at video now when he wasn't even able to hold his head up on his own for very long. Now he's almost walking. He is the one thing that I can always say is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. He's made me grow up a lot and I am thankful for that. He also helps me weed out the bad guys so that I miss out on the hurt && pain. I just really wish that he had a different daddy. Like REALLY. But nothing can be changed now. Heavor is his dad for a reason...one that I may never know but it's fate. Maybe to show him the real meaning of love and understanding. Patience.

Anyways, I'm going to go because the more that I write the more I think about Rian, driving me deeper into solitude. Tootles love!