promise your everything i want

[chaoticwildfire]

I'm sitting here lost, believing that everything is okay. But it isn't, I'm still in that dark place. For a few days i felt like i was on top of the world. Its like the same feeling i felt when i was in my junior year, I'm constantly looking for answers but its becoming more apparent that I'm further and further away from getting these answers. I hate this,I hate that I'm the odd man out in everything. Every time i hang with my friends i feel like I just don't belong. Like I'm just there so nobody feels bad about not inviting me. I don't know if that's a fact but i can't help but overthink it. It doesn't help that everyone my age is getting into relationships, is successful, having kids, or getting married. I feel like my life is just not on the right path, no matter how much change i put into my life I feel like everyone is passing me by so fast. My friends are constantly getting mad at me cause my mood isn't all there and i don't wanna participate in plans as much as i used to, but few have actually sat down with me and aired things out. I'm tired of being obligated to follow everyone like I'm some sad puppet strung up like a noose.

March 12th 2016 i said to myself in my journal "I need silence, I need a hand to hold, someone to look at, someone i don't deserve but i want so bad"

everything is the same in different ways, its like my life is playing the same memories with a different script.... Like a reboot. i wish i was the director. But im just a light designer