The Broken
Nothing depresses me more than to watch my dreams slowly fall apart. I had about 1600 dollars saved up for moveing to Pittsburgh when the chance arose. But I am down to 1000 again. Is this because I keep useing the money? Is it because I like buying lost of stuff? No. It is because my father keeps borrowing money from me. He keeps pushing and pushing me to lend him money on the promise the will pay me back. He did after me asking week after week for the money back. Took me four weeks to get my 150 back from him. Now it is every week. What the hell did he do with 600 dollars? He is horrible with money. He doesn't even have to pay rent or utilities. He lives here with my grandparents and myself. He has lost everything and I feel bad for him. He loves to remind me of all the things he has done for me. (Which is Jackshit) I know who payed for myself who gave me money and helped me along. Not his ass no! It was my grandparents yet he wants to take the credit for it. This is it. This is the last time. I can't give him any more money. With one hand he give my brother 100 dollars and then turns around and with the other asks me for a 200 dollar loan. This is it. This enviroment is toxic. When I leave I am gone for good. I don't want to come back. I swear I will build my own family for myself. People I choose people who care about me and whom I can put my faith and trust in. I loved them all yet I am being used and made to feel bad when I don't wish to be used.
All my hope rides on being able to leave this place. I pray to God every day that he gives me the strength and compassion I need to fullfill my dream. I think the hardest part of all of this is the fact I really have no one to turn to during these time but God. Yes God is there for me but I have no friends or family who are willing to be there for me. My dads side of the family would just try and say all he has done for me and I should be grateful and that maybe he deserves some compensation from me. But I am his child and children eat up and their parents money. It is the nature of the child to do so. I have asked for so very little of him. When I have asked he simply passes the bill on to my grandparents. On my mothers side they simply brate me for giving him anything. He is my father and I do care about him. I am foolish for doing so but I can't help but try and be kind to others.
I hate this feeling. Why are families so toxic. I swear if I ever find the right girl and have kids I will try and be a better parent and family memeber than has been shown to me.
All my hope rides on being able to leave this place. I pray to God every day that he gives me the strength and compassion I need to fullfill my dream. I think the hardest part of all of this is the fact I really have no one to turn to during these time but God. Yes God is there for me but I have no friends or family who are willing to be there for me. My dads side of the family would just try and say all he has done for me and I should be grateful and that maybe he deserves some compensation from me. But I am his child and children eat up and their parents money. It is the nature of the child to do so. I have asked for so very little of him. When I have asked he simply passes the bill on to my grandparents. On my mothers side they simply brate me for giving him anything. He is my father and I do care about him. I am foolish for doing so but I can't help but try and be kind to others.
I hate this feeling. Why are families so toxic. I swear if I ever find the right girl and have kids I will try and be a better parent and family memeber than has been shown to me.