(no subject)
Justin, is a loser. He's just a douchebag. Plain and simple. I was trying to forgive him, we were talking....then once again he lied. Oh such a mistake. Now it's done. He's not worth my time, if he's going to lie to me it will never work and there's nothing I can do about that. I'm not the kind of girl that's going to put up with a guy treating her like shit. Just won't stand for it. So it's time for yet another break from the guys. Jordan however will always be around. He is a genuinely nice guy. I've been friends with him for...about three years now. And we have been more than friends the entire time. I don't know how to explain what we have. We've never "dated" but everyone knows about us. We are "us". Whatever that means. And we have been for the past three years in between all of my (and his like one) relationships...maybe a little during too. lol. But he's always been there. Never lied. But is that just because we aren't an item, or is it something else. Is it commitment that turns guys into douchebags? Or is it commitment that makes you realize the douchbaginess of the guy? Don't know. But before Justin and I got back together I realized I was in love with Jordan, as more than a friend. We both liked each other, everyone knew that. I was in Warsaw with him pretty much every weekend. The whole band always ragged on us. Calling me his girlfriend, everytime of which we would both automatically so no. Because I wasn't. But we were both exclusively with the other. It was strange, so I finally told him I was in love with him. He didn't say it back, which I was fine with. You never say it unless you mean it. I didn't say it to hear it back, I said it because it's how I feel. He told me he wasn't sure what love was and promised himself he would never say it unless he meant it. I respected that. And things continued as normal. Then Justin and I got back together. I told Jordan, and he seemed a bit sad. He said it was kind of weird. I didn't understand so I asked why and he said because he liked me. But Jordan has never shown any interest in making a commitment, and I wanted something more. And I got that from Justin. And even while Justin and I were together Jordan was still a sweetheart. Now, Justin and I are over and Jordan stopped by on Friday night. He knew I was in a bad mood so he came to cheer me up. He was on his way to Bloomington to play a show and stopped in Anderson on the way. He stayed for about an hour or so, just hanging out and drinking coffee. Then he left. It was sweet. He gave me a really long hug. And didn't give me a kiss goodbye. I was relieved because I'm still working out boy issues and didn't want to deal with that too. Then last night he came but unexpectedly at around 10:15. He came in and we sat and talked till like 11 then decided to go get coffee at Perkins. We talked, played cards, and had fun till they closed at 1. We were both wide awake from the coffee and he didn't want to leave yet. So we went dumbster diving and got some bread. Then we were trying to think of things to do. So I desided I would show him the old abandoned building that I really like. We went in, walked around, found some really cool signs (which we of course took) then went outside. We laid down in the clearing (this building is hidden and you can't see it from the road). We laid out there until 3.30 in the morning making shapes out of the clouds. There was an elf, Santa...who killed the elf with a stick and left his body in the woods....next to a rock, a squirrel thing with wings and pointy teeth, quite a few bears and giraffes, a demon looking bull thing, and many many other outrageous things. Then he had to go so he took me home, gave me yet another overly long, but very wonderful hug. Once again he desided not to give me a kiss good bye. Side note: Jordan and I never were much for public displays of affection, when we were around people, you couldn't really tell there was anything between us. We were just basically like best friends. None of that handholding or crap. Then like 6 months (maybe more) ago, he actually cuddled with me on the living room floor while watching a movie with the guys. Then at Piradical fest he gave me a very awkward kiss goodbye. It was our first public kiss (other than a drunken makeout once at a party in front of like 4 people). Sense then we've been giving goodbye kisses. The first couple were a little awkward, in a very adorable I feel like I'm 8 years old kind of way. The last time I saw him before this weekend was the day before Justin and I got together. He had came to visit me and gave me a kiss goodbye. It was our best one. Not awkward at all. Just perfect. Even made me blush a little. So yea, that's why I was sort of expecting a kiss goodbye. But he was sweet and didn't do it. When he left last night I actually wish he kind of had. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met. Maybe this thing with Justin were never meant to work. Everything happens for a reason right? I guess we'll see. I'm still confused a bit. I'm still not going to get into another relationship for a while. But like I said, Jordan will always be around.