Off the Island, Now Adrift
Well, I finally convinced my doctor to take me off the meds. After 5 years HUZZAH!!!!!
I'm sure it will take me a couple years to re-balance all the hormones and for the medicine-induced acne to go away. Well, it's better than the alternative.
For the first time in my life, I am completely adrift. In front of me is a black hole and underneath is not solid.
My present is shaky.
I have no dreams for my future.
I have no goals for my future.
I have no ideas about my future.
I have no loves.
I have no lovers.
I have no crushes.
Thankfully, I have friends. Thankfully I (currently) have a job. Thankfully I have conventions (i.e., something to look forward to). Thankfully, I have faith (a reason to forego the alternative to living).
Frankly, my anticipation of being in such a place was worse than actually being here
- unless I'm still too deluded and benumbed by shock to realize how badly I'm really doing. Maybe.
I hate surprises. I mean I really HATE surprises. Yes, that includes "good" surprises, too.
I love adventure, but I always plan for them. If I had known this interlude was coming, what would I have planned? Hmm.
To me, the biggest lie on TV is "pursue your dreams". So, what to the dreamless do?
All the dreams I had when young ended up as a "No".
I'm afraid to even contemplate a new dream.
I mean, how many heartaches can one seriously survive in a lifetime? [a one, a two-who, a three, three licks to the center of a tootsie pop] Hmm, not willing or wanting to find out.
I'm sure it will take me a couple years to re-balance all the hormones and for the medicine-induced acne to go away. Well, it's better than the alternative.
For the first time in my life, I am completely adrift. In front of me is a black hole and underneath is not solid.
My present is shaky.
I have no dreams for my future.
I have no goals for my future.
I have no ideas about my future.
I have no loves.
I have no lovers.
I have no crushes.
Thankfully, I have friends. Thankfully I (currently) have a job. Thankfully I have conventions (i.e., something to look forward to). Thankfully, I have faith (a reason to forego the alternative to living).
Frankly, my anticipation of being in such a place was worse than actually being here
- unless I'm still too deluded and benumbed by shock to realize how badly I'm really doing. Maybe.
I hate surprises. I mean I really HATE surprises. Yes, that includes "good" surprises, too.
I love adventure, but I always plan for them. If I had known this interlude was coming, what would I have planned? Hmm.
To me, the biggest lie on TV is "pursue your dreams". So, what to the dreamless do?
All the dreams I had when young ended up as a "No".
I'm afraid to even contemplate a new dream.
I mean, how many heartaches can one seriously survive in a lifetime? [a one, a two-who, a three, three licks to the center of a tootsie pop] Hmm, not willing or wanting to find out.