I'm tired of saying "it could be worse"
Excuse me while I vent.
This year has sucked for my family financially. I won't get into the root cause beyond saying a chunk of money that we had gotten every January--and funded our lifestyle of me staying home to care for Scout and the pets and the house and being able to work as a first-busy-then-underemployed artist and being able to while away this period of underemployment by experimenting with a new career as a wanna-be writer--was ended without any warning. There was a hint of warning, but we had reassurances that we could continue to expect it.
Well, let me just say it has made a big difference. At first I did a lot of belt tightening and it appeared things would be fine. Then the bad luck began to happen. Car repairs that couldn't be put off. Veterinary emergencies. More veterinary trips. Braces. Yet more veterinary expenses. My car battery dying. I murdered my laptop. Washington DC trip (not bad luck, but a fairly sizable expense nonetheless). Stuart's dental and periodontal needs. Physical therapy--as luck would have it, I met Scout's $1000 deductible at today's appointment and from this point on Anthem will cover all but 20%...Wednesday will probably be her last appointment.
All this, more or less, has been put on our credit cards. I have always, always run a zero balance on our cards. The only debt we had was the house. NOT ANY MORE! I get sick thinking about all the credit card debt we've racked up this year. I console myself by saying "thank god we have these cards with which to pay for all these shitty things that came up what would we have done if we could not have paid at all?" I will begin working I think close to 40 hours/week next month. All good--every cent I make will go to paying off credit cards and replenishing our savings account.
But right before I left to go to DC, the Malfunction Indicator Light in my car came on. Stuart was crazy-busy last week and couldn't get the car in, despite the fact that I wouldn't be home to use it and it would have been a perfect time to have it sitting in the shop. I, of course, using my powers of Google when I got home, found out a couple things. 1) If you put your key in the ignition and click it on-off-on-off-on a few times, a digital display will send you a super sekrit code. I have to admit that was fucking cool. It told me DTC P0420. That is super sekrit code language for Catalyst System Efficiency Below Threshold. *cue more googling* 2) I probably have something wrong with my catalytic convertor. This will make my car run less well, but my car is not in imminent danger of 'splosion. It could be something small and not-too-expensive-sounding, like a rotten hose or bad sensor or whathaveyou. It could also be that my catalytic convertor needs replaced. That would be an option of supreme shittiness as a new catalytic convertor costs like $1000. Again, back to the credit card thing--at least and thank god I still have room on my card for this. But goddam, you all. I want to start paying this fucker off, not getting closer to my max. On the upswing--from the bits online I read it seems that if my catalytic convertor was truly in need of getting sent to the junkyard in the sky, I should have noticed something wrong with the car beyond a strange little symbol being displayed on the dash. So I guess it could be way worse.
May I go on? We have bad flashing around a chimney, and the ceiling in the upstairs bathroom leaks when it rains hard. You can see the mold on the drywall. I had a handyman out recently to give an estimate...still waiting...but this NEEDS fixed. It is an expense that cannot be put off. Our house is in peril! Also this month, Scout's $300 life insurance/annuity premium is due as is the taxes on Stuart's car, just over $100. And OH YEAH--THE HOLIDAYS. I've already planned out the different ways to cut expenses, and I feel okay. But it still is producing soooo much anxiety.
I'm just sick to death of this constant feeling of What's Next? Everything is so awesome in my life--things are simple, Spouse and Spawn are fabulous--that I can deal with my issues. I have come so far in working through things...I feel like I'm in danger of backsliding. That this lingering panic attack of financial ruin has derailed my mental health. I'm fine and good...but every time something shitty that costs big chunks of money to fix happens, I feel like I am a little less able to say "fine and good" with confidence. I'm just tired.
Then I think I'm a big whiny privileged crybaby because we are so lucky--Stuart has a job, Scout is healthy except for her feet and she is happy, I will be working next year. And we were able to pay for these emergencies that crept up. I just really want to be back to where we were two years ago, when we had a large balance in savings account, my health insurance premiums were under $400/month (you all I'm thinking about dropping my coverage to save the almost $500/month it is currently costing--what surer way to contract a deadly disease is there?!), Gryphon's skeleton hadn't begun to exhibit any structural problems, the roof didn't leak, the cars were about as reliable as any we'd owned. OH! And I weighed 115 pounds. I want to go back there. Cause the way it is now sucks.
This year has sucked for my family financially. I won't get into the root cause beyond saying a chunk of money that we had gotten every January--and funded our lifestyle of me staying home to care for Scout and the pets and the house and being able to work as a first-busy-then-underemployed artist and being able to while away this period of underemployment by experimenting with a new career as a wanna-be writer--was ended without any warning. There was a hint of warning, but we had reassurances that we could continue to expect it.
Well, let me just say it has made a big difference. At first I did a lot of belt tightening and it appeared things would be fine. Then the bad luck began to happen. Car repairs that couldn't be put off. Veterinary emergencies. More veterinary trips. Braces. Yet more veterinary expenses. My car battery dying. I murdered my laptop. Washington DC trip (not bad luck, but a fairly sizable expense nonetheless). Stuart's dental and periodontal needs. Physical therapy--as luck would have it, I met Scout's $1000 deductible at today's appointment and from this point on Anthem will cover all but 20%...Wednesday will probably be her last appointment.
All this, more or less, has been put on our credit cards. I have always, always run a zero balance on our cards. The only debt we had was the house. NOT ANY MORE! I get sick thinking about all the credit card debt we've racked up this year. I console myself by saying "thank god we have these cards with which to pay for all these shitty things that came up what would we have done if we could not have paid at all?" I will begin working I think close to 40 hours/week next month. All good--every cent I make will go to paying off credit cards and replenishing our savings account.
But right before I left to go to DC, the Malfunction Indicator Light in my car came on. Stuart was crazy-busy last week and couldn't get the car in, despite the fact that I wouldn't be home to use it and it would have been a perfect time to have it sitting in the shop. I, of course, using my powers of Google when I got home, found out a couple things. 1) If you put your key in the ignition and click it on-off-on-off-on a few times, a digital display will send you a super sekrit code. I have to admit that was fucking cool. It told me DTC P0420. That is super sekrit code language for Catalyst System Efficiency Below Threshold. *cue more googling* 2) I probably have something wrong with my catalytic convertor. This will make my car run less well, but my car is not in imminent danger of 'splosion. It could be something small and not-too-expensive-sounding, like a rotten hose or bad sensor or whathaveyou. It could also be that my catalytic convertor needs replaced. That would be an option of supreme shittiness as a new catalytic convertor costs like $1000. Again, back to the credit card thing--at least and thank god I still have room on my card for this. But goddam, you all. I want to start paying this fucker off, not getting closer to my max. On the upswing--from the bits online I read it seems that if my catalytic convertor was truly in need of getting sent to the junkyard in the sky, I should have noticed something wrong with the car beyond a strange little symbol being displayed on the dash. So I guess it could be way worse.
May I go on? We have bad flashing around a chimney, and the ceiling in the upstairs bathroom leaks when it rains hard. You can see the mold on the drywall. I had a handyman out recently to give an estimate...still waiting...but this NEEDS fixed. It is an expense that cannot be put off. Our house is in peril! Also this month, Scout's $300 life insurance/annuity premium is due as is the taxes on Stuart's car, just over $100. And OH YEAH--THE HOLIDAYS. I've already planned out the different ways to cut expenses, and I feel okay. But it still is producing soooo much anxiety.
I'm just sick to death of this constant feeling of What's Next? Everything is so awesome in my life--things are simple, Spouse and Spawn are fabulous--that I can deal with my issues. I have come so far in working through things...I feel like I'm in danger of backsliding. That this lingering panic attack of financial ruin has derailed my mental health. I'm fine and good...but every time something shitty that costs big chunks of money to fix happens, I feel like I am a little less able to say "fine and good" with confidence. I'm just tired.
Then I think I'm a big whiny privileged crybaby because we are so lucky--Stuart has a job, Scout is healthy except for her feet and she is happy, I will be working next year. And we were able to pay for these emergencies that crept up. I just really want to be back to where we were two years ago, when we had a large balance in savings account, my health insurance premiums were under $400/month (you all I'm thinking about dropping my coverage to save the almost $500/month it is currently costing--what surer way to contract a deadly disease is there?!), Gryphon's skeleton hadn't begun to exhibit any structural problems, the roof didn't leak, the cars were about as reliable as any we'd owned. OH! And I weighed 115 pounds. I want to go back there. Cause the way it is now sucks.