*i'm making this public because i really don't care who reads this at this point*
Tonight (or I guess last night since it's technically Friday now) at 10:40 p.m. Tyler and I broke up.
I can't believe it.
I can't stop shaking.
I can't stop crying.
I keep wishing this were a horrible nightmare and I'd wake up in about 5 seconds, but it doesn't happen. It's real.
I don't care how "emo" this sounds or how overly dramatic this might sound to people ... But I don't care about anything right now. If I die driving home tomorrow afternoon, I don't really care. I wouldn't have to be in this hellhole known as Shepherd University anymore ... I wouldn't have to deal with anyone or anything anymore.
Yeah, I'm selfish. I finally admitted that to myself and to Tyler tonight. I'm a fucking selfish bitch.
I hate myself.
I'm such a fucking cliche right now ... But the truth is, I don't care. Sometimes it seems like life is "over" when relationships end ... But this one is way different. I loved him like I've never loved anyone in my entire life. He changed me into a better person and I will NEVER stop loving him for doing that and being that for me. He was the only person who has ever truly made me happy at all times, not just a few isolated incidents. He's the one person who gave me hope ... About life, about love ... About everything. He made me believe that people weren't all bad and that it's okay to trust someone else with your life.
He made me want to have children.
Anyone who knows ANYTHING about me knows that that's a really huge deal.
I still love him.
I'm sure I always will.
He wants to be friends ... And so do I.
I don't want to lose the most important person in my life ... The one person who made me believe I was actually worth something.
I never thought I was worth anything until he reentered my life.
I thought I was some dumb whore.
I thought it was okay to let people use me and that it was okay to manipulate and hurt other people.
I don't think that's okay anymore.
I don't want to be what I was.
I want to be this person he helped me become.
I can't picture life without him, though.
I don't want to.
I just want to feel whole again.
I know I never will, though ... Not unless something in him changes and he realizes that we're supposed to be together.
I believe that we ARE supposed to be together.
I guess he doesn't.
I'm sorry to anyone reading this ... No one deserves to have to read this shit.
But I needed to share it.
Tyler ... If you ever read this ... Know that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. Know that my life truly began once you became such a huge part of it. Know that I would NEVER trade the 7 months I had with you for ANYTHING in this world. Know that I will always hold a special place for you in my heart. Know that I will always love you.
And know that my life is empty without you.
<3 Kristen
There will be no quote of the day today ... I'm too depressed.
I can't believe it.
I can't stop shaking.
I can't stop crying.
I keep wishing this were a horrible nightmare and I'd wake up in about 5 seconds, but it doesn't happen. It's real.
I don't care how "emo" this sounds or how overly dramatic this might sound to people ... But I don't care about anything right now. If I die driving home tomorrow afternoon, I don't really care. I wouldn't have to be in this hellhole known as Shepherd University anymore ... I wouldn't have to deal with anyone or anything anymore.
Yeah, I'm selfish. I finally admitted that to myself and to Tyler tonight. I'm a fucking selfish bitch.
I hate myself.
I'm such a fucking cliche right now ... But the truth is, I don't care. Sometimes it seems like life is "over" when relationships end ... But this one is way different. I loved him like I've never loved anyone in my entire life. He changed me into a better person and I will NEVER stop loving him for doing that and being that for me. He was the only person who has ever truly made me happy at all times, not just a few isolated incidents. He's the one person who gave me hope ... About life, about love ... About everything. He made me believe that people weren't all bad and that it's okay to trust someone else with your life.
He made me want to have children.
Anyone who knows ANYTHING about me knows that that's a really huge deal.
I still love him.
I'm sure I always will.
He wants to be friends ... And so do I.
I don't want to lose the most important person in my life ... The one person who made me believe I was actually worth something.
I never thought I was worth anything until he reentered my life.
I thought I was some dumb whore.
I thought it was okay to let people use me and that it was okay to manipulate and hurt other people.
I don't think that's okay anymore.
I don't want to be what I was.
I want to be this person he helped me become.
I can't picture life without him, though.
I don't want to.
I just want to feel whole again.
I know I never will, though ... Not unless something in him changes and he realizes that we're supposed to be together.
I believe that we ARE supposed to be together.
I guess he doesn't.
I'm sorry to anyone reading this ... No one deserves to have to read this shit.
But I needed to share it.
Tyler ... If you ever read this ... Know that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. Know that my life truly began once you became such a huge part of it. Know that I would NEVER trade the 7 months I had with you for ANYTHING in this world. Know that I will always hold a special place for you in my heart. Know that I will always love you.
And know that my life is empty without you.
<3 Kristen
There will be no quote of the day today ... I'm too depressed.