Sometimes We Need To Be Reminded Why Science Is Awesome.
Thanks to my awesome friend skullgrrl, I discovered this. A few months ago, BBC put this article on their Science News page:
Giant Prehistoric Toilet Unearthed
This article truly deserves some careful analysis and consideration to determine exactly how awesome it really is.
1. Before the article even starts, we have the introductory image which comes with this caption: "Each poo is a time capsule to the dawn of the dinosaurs"
This really puts the time capsule that our elementary school buried back in the 70's into perspective. I should have dropped a poo in there.
2. "A gigantic "communal latrine" created at the dawn of the dinosaurs has been unearthed in Argentina."
And then I burst into song (with apologies to Evita Perón):
Dinos poo in Argentina
Back when it was still Pangaea
From Pooenos Aires
To Pootagonia
There's dino doo-doo
Chile's got some too
2. "Thousands of fossilised poos left by rhino-like megaherbivores were found clustered together, scientists say.
The 240-million-year-old site is the "world's oldest public toilet" and the first evidence that ancient reptiles shared collective dumping grounds.
The dung contains clues to prehistoric diet, disease and vegetation says a study in Scientific Reports."
Here we begin to take note of vocabulary. Poo has many names, from feces to excrement to shit to crap. This article makes use of a variety of these words, and the statistics are telling:
Poo: 7
Dung: 4
Coprolites: 3
Excrement: 1
Faeces: 1
As a bonus, the rest of the page contains links to other poo-related articles, bringing the number of "poo" instances to 14, while "dung" holds on to second place with to a distant 5.
Special mention should go out to the article entitled Penguin poo seen from space. I cannot tell a lie; I could not resist clicking on this article. I'm not made of stone, people.
3. "Elephants, antelopes and horses are among modern animals who defecate in socially agreed hotspots - to mark territory and reduce the spread of parasites.
But their best efforts are dwarfed by the enormous scale of this latrine - which breaks the previous record "oldest toilet" by 220 million years."
The article somehow fails to note that humans have also mastered the art of defecating in socially agreed hotspots, with the possible exception of the Hobo sapiens subspecies.
4. "Fossil "coprolites" as wide as 40cm and weighing several kilograms were found in seven massive patches across the Chanares Formation in La Rioja province.
Some were sausage-like, others pristine ovals, in colours ranging from whitish grey to dark brown-violet."
Listen, fair is fair: a 40 cm wide turd is a pretty serious accomplishment. I doubt most humans have ever made a 40 cm long poop, and in terms of something that massive coming out of the human body, I believe the common term is "the final moments of pregnancy". That being said, it's nice to know that poop hasn't changed much in 200 million years, although I have yet to personally make a 'pristine oval'.
5. ""There is no doubt who the culprit was," said Dr Lucas Fiorelli, of Crilar-Conicet, who discovered the dung heaps.
"Only one species could produce such big lumps - and we found their bones littered everywhere at the site.""
Dying in a public restroom probably rates as one of the worst possible death scenarios available to mankind. It could be that for dinosaurs it was just natural to die in the loo to keep all the germs in one place and make the parasites and bottom-feeders not have to walk from bathroom to graveyard. Or maybe the dinos all gave themselves massive aneurysms after SQUEEZING OUT A 16" POOPSPHERE.
6. "The perpetrator was Dinodontosaurus, an eight-foot-long megaherbivore similar to modern rhinos.
These animals were dicynodonts - large, mammal-like reptiles common in the Triassic period when the first dinosaurs began to emerge.
The fact they shared latrines suggests they were gregarious, herd animals, who had good reasons to poo strategically, said Dr Fiorelli."
Proto-rhinos (a picture is included) are 'megaherbivores'. I am slightly confused by this term, since they are actually smaller than regular rhinos (which are regular herbivores). Also, "mega" usually means "million", so were these dicynodonts so voracious that they could eat like a million regular herbivores? That would explain the epic foot-wide poops.
As an extra note, I also have yet to ever 'poo strategically'. I feel like I've missed out on life.
7. ""Firstly, it was important to avoid parasites - 'you don't poo where you eat', as the saying goes.
"But it's also a warning to predators. If you leave a huge pile, you are saying: 'Hey! We are a big herd. Watch out!""
Nowadays if you leave a huge pile, you're probably taking a picture and uploading it to the internet. This is a case of evolution backfiring tremendously. Life was simpler back then, when you were a good ole' proto-rhino wandering around, getting together with your buddies and dropping a huge pile, and collectively congratulating yourselves saying "Awesome poo, lads. That'll keep those nasty carnivores away!"
8. "The predator in this case was the formidable Luperosuchus, a crocodile-like carnivore up to 8m in length."
Whoah whoah whoah... an eight meter crocodile? Now we're approaching a better use for the "mega" prefix. Although apparently modern crocs can reach 6-7 meters in length, which quite honestly should terrify everybody reading this. Recall that the average person reading this is less than 2 meters in height, which means that a megacroc can probably bite you in half and swallow you without breaking a sweat. Those poor eight foot proto-rhinos barely stand a chance. I'd crap a 16" turd too if Luperosuchus was on my ass.
9. "But the dung patches were equally intimidating."
No. An eight meter angry prehistoric megacroc is intimidating. A 16" diameter poo is impressive. Different adjectives here. Totally.
10. There is another picture here showing a variety of the fossilized fecal matter. The caption: "A museum of poos has been created by the researchers."
Snicker Furfoot deserves all the credit for calling this a pooseum.
In the list of museums I need to visit in my lifetime, this one suddenly jumped into the top ten.
10. "A density of 94 poos per square metre was recorded by the researchers. And the excrement was spread across patches 900 square metres in size.
Prehistoric coprolites are nothing new, but it is extremely rare to find an accumulation as old and substantial as this one - because faeces degrade so easily."
Again, the correct word is impressive. Take a moment to imagine a 1x1 meter square on your floor. For you Americans out there, that's like 3x3 feet, more or less. Now imagine filling that square with 94 of your paltry human droppings. (Just imagine; don't actually try this. Or if you do, don't tell me about it.) Now replace your pitiful poops with 94 truly titanic Triassic turds, and then multiply this square by OVER NINE THOUSAND HUNDRED, and you get a renewed appreciation for this legendary latrine.
11. "A sheet of volcanic ash has preserved the ancient dung piles "like Pompeii", said Dr Fiorelli."
MORE LIKE POOMPEII, AMIRITE?
IAMRITE
12. "The coprolites are like time capsules.
"When cracked open they reveal fragments of extinct plants, fungi, and gut parasites," said Martin Hechenleitner, a fellow author on the study."
One hundred million years from now, when scientists unearth the massive communal toilet currently named "Mexico City", they will learn things. Horrible, maddening things. They will know why we ceased to be.
13. ""Each poo is a snapshot of an ancient ecosystem - the vegetation and the food chain.
"This was a crucial time in evolutionary history. The first mammals were there, living alongside the grandfather of dinosaurs.
"Maybe with these fossils we can glimpse into the lost environment which gave rise to the dinosaurs.""
I'm regarding my poops in a whole new light now. A snapshot of my ecosystem - a balanced mix of beer and Hot Pockets, seasoned with a fine gin and tonic and some spinach, and topped with a ton of cheese. It may not give Future Scientists a glimpse into the fall of their ancestors, but they'll certainly know what killed me off. Hint: IT WAS DELICIOUS. ALL OF IT.
14. The concluding picture is captioned "The world's oldest toilet - an artist's impression" It shows a vast grassy plain in the shadow of Erebor, filled with peaceful grazing dinosaurs. In the foreground, a dicynodont is dropping a deuce while a hungry Luperosuchus observes closely. Keep in mind that someone was paid to draw this.
And this concludes our foray into science for today. Tune in next time when we discover how brachiopods invented "doggie-style" fornication, and how the large spider sitting in your bathroom has been pre-programmed by millions of years of evolution to hate you with a fiery passion. Bye-bye!
Giant Prehistoric Toilet Unearthed
This article truly deserves some careful analysis and consideration to determine exactly how awesome it really is.
1. Before the article even starts, we have the introductory image which comes with this caption: "Each poo is a time capsule to the dawn of the dinosaurs"
This really puts the time capsule that our elementary school buried back in the 70's into perspective. I should have dropped a poo in there.
2. "A gigantic "communal latrine" created at the dawn of the dinosaurs has been unearthed in Argentina."
And then I burst into song (with apologies to Evita Perón):
Dinos poo in Argentina
Back when it was still Pangaea
From Pooenos Aires
To Pootagonia
There's dino doo-doo
Chile's got some too
2. "Thousands of fossilised poos left by rhino-like megaherbivores were found clustered together, scientists say.
The 240-million-year-old site is the "world's oldest public toilet" and the first evidence that ancient reptiles shared collective dumping grounds.
The dung contains clues to prehistoric diet, disease and vegetation says a study in Scientific Reports."
Here we begin to take note of vocabulary. Poo has many names, from feces to excrement to shit to crap. This article makes use of a variety of these words, and the statistics are telling:
Poo: 7
Dung: 4
Coprolites: 3
Excrement: 1
Faeces: 1
As a bonus, the rest of the page contains links to other poo-related articles, bringing the number of "poo" instances to 14, while "dung" holds on to second place with to a distant 5.
Special mention should go out to the article entitled Penguin poo seen from space. I cannot tell a lie; I could not resist clicking on this article. I'm not made of stone, people.
3. "Elephants, antelopes and horses are among modern animals who defecate in socially agreed hotspots - to mark territory and reduce the spread of parasites.
But their best efforts are dwarfed by the enormous scale of this latrine - which breaks the previous record "oldest toilet" by 220 million years."
The article somehow fails to note that humans have also mastered the art of defecating in socially agreed hotspots, with the possible exception of the Hobo sapiens subspecies.
4. "Fossil "coprolites" as wide as 40cm and weighing several kilograms were found in seven massive patches across the Chanares Formation in La Rioja province.
Some were sausage-like, others pristine ovals, in colours ranging from whitish grey to dark brown-violet."
Listen, fair is fair: a 40 cm wide turd is a pretty serious accomplishment. I doubt most humans have ever made a 40 cm long poop, and in terms of something that massive coming out of the human body, I believe the common term is "the final moments of pregnancy". That being said, it's nice to know that poop hasn't changed much in 200 million years, although I have yet to personally make a 'pristine oval'.
5. ""There is no doubt who the culprit was," said Dr Lucas Fiorelli, of Crilar-Conicet, who discovered the dung heaps.
"Only one species could produce such big lumps - and we found their bones littered everywhere at the site.""
Dying in a public restroom probably rates as one of the worst possible death scenarios available to mankind. It could be that for dinosaurs it was just natural to die in the loo to keep all the germs in one place and make the parasites and bottom-feeders not have to walk from bathroom to graveyard. Or maybe the dinos all gave themselves massive aneurysms after SQUEEZING OUT A 16" POOPSPHERE.
6. "The perpetrator was Dinodontosaurus, an eight-foot-long megaherbivore similar to modern rhinos.
These animals were dicynodonts - large, mammal-like reptiles common in the Triassic period when the first dinosaurs began to emerge.
The fact they shared latrines suggests they were gregarious, herd animals, who had good reasons to poo strategically, said Dr Fiorelli."
Proto-rhinos (a picture is included) are 'megaherbivores'. I am slightly confused by this term, since they are actually smaller than regular rhinos (which are regular herbivores). Also, "mega" usually means "million", so were these dicynodonts so voracious that they could eat like a million regular herbivores? That would explain the epic foot-wide poops.
As an extra note, I also have yet to ever 'poo strategically'. I feel like I've missed out on life.
7. ""Firstly, it was important to avoid parasites - 'you don't poo where you eat', as the saying goes.
"But it's also a warning to predators. If you leave a huge pile, you are saying: 'Hey! We are a big herd. Watch out!""
Nowadays if you leave a huge pile, you're probably taking a picture and uploading it to the internet. This is a case of evolution backfiring tremendously. Life was simpler back then, when you were a good ole' proto-rhino wandering around, getting together with your buddies and dropping a huge pile, and collectively congratulating yourselves saying "Awesome poo, lads. That'll keep those nasty carnivores away!"
8. "The predator in this case was the formidable Luperosuchus, a crocodile-like carnivore up to 8m in length."
Whoah whoah whoah... an eight meter crocodile? Now we're approaching a better use for the "mega" prefix. Although apparently modern crocs can reach 6-7 meters in length, which quite honestly should terrify everybody reading this. Recall that the average person reading this is less than 2 meters in height, which means that a megacroc can probably bite you in half and swallow you without breaking a sweat. Those poor eight foot proto-rhinos barely stand a chance. I'd crap a 16" turd too if Luperosuchus was on my ass.
9. "But the dung patches were equally intimidating."
No. An eight meter angry prehistoric megacroc is intimidating. A 16" diameter poo is impressive. Different adjectives here. Totally.
10. There is another picture here showing a variety of the fossilized fecal matter. The caption: "A museum of poos has been created by the researchers."
Snicker Furfoot deserves all the credit for calling this a pooseum.
In the list of museums I need to visit in my lifetime, this one suddenly jumped into the top ten.
10. "A density of 94 poos per square metre was recorded by the researchers. And the excrement was spread across patches 900 square metres in size.
Prehistoric coprolites are nothing new, but it is extremely rare to find an accumulation as old and substantial as this one - because faeces degrade so easily."
Again, the correct word is impressive. Take a moment to imagine a 1x1 meter square on your floor. For you Americans out there, that's like 3x3 feet, more or less. Now imagine filling that square with 94 of your paltry human droppings. (Just imagine; don't actually try this. Or if you do, don't tell me about it.) Now replace your pitiful poops with 94 truly titanic Triassic turds, and then multiply this square by OVER NINE THOUSAND HUNDRED, and you get a renewed appreciation for this legendary latrine.
11. "A sheet of volcanic ash has preserved the ancient dung piles "like Pompeii", said Dr Fiorelli."
MORE LIKE POOMPEII, AMIRITE?
IAMRITE
12. "The coprolites are like time capsules.
"When cracked open they reveal fragments of extinct plants, fungi, and gut parasites," said Martin Hechenleitner, a fellow author on the study."
One hundred million years from now, when scientists unearth the massive communal toilet currently named "Mexico City", they will learn things. Horrible, maddening things. They will know why we ceased to be.
13. ""Each poo is a snapshot of an ancient ecosystem - the vegetation and the food chain.
"This was a crucial time in evolutionary history. The first mammals were there, living alongside the grandfather of dinosaurs.
"Maybe with these fossils we can glimpse into the lost environment which gave rise to the dinosaurs.""
I'm regarding my poops in a whole new light now. A snapshot of my ecosystem - a balanced mix of beer and Hot Pockets, seasoned with a fine gin and tonic and some spinach, and topped with a ton of cheese. It may not give Future Scientists a glimpse into the fall of their ancestors, but they'll certainly know what killed me off. Hint: IT WAS DELICIOUS. ALL OF IT.
14. The concluding picture is captioned "The world's oldest toilet - an artist's impression" It shows a vast grassy plain in the shadow of Erebor, filled with peaceful grazing dinosaurs. In the foreground, a dicynodont is dropping a deuce while a hungry Luperosuchus observes closely. Keep in mind that someone was paid to draw this.
And this concludes our foray into science for today. Tune in next time when we discover how brachiopods invented "doggie-style" fornication, and how the large spider sitting in your bathroom has been pre-programmed by millions of years of evolution to hate you with a fiery passion. Bye-bye!