I Have Returned From The Worst Journey Ever
Well, first the good. Origins, as always, was helluva fun, if you're a gamer geek like me. No doubt about that. Probably one of our best, overall.
Now, the horror.
Day One (Wednesday) marks the beginning. Driving from NJ to OH is a 520 mile process, lasting between 8 and 9 hrs. I've done it before sans problem. This time, however, around mile 360, the car decided to stop working. At all. Sonofabitch. So, there we are on the side of a highway just over the PA-OH border. Middle of nowhere. Calling AAA gets a tow truck there (he nearly missed us, stopping first for a broken down car a mile before ours...), and the three of us pile into two seats of the front of the truck and proceed to Columbus, 170 miles away. Towing costs make me a poor panda.
Day Two (Thursday) sees me get my car towed to a nearby shop. They are hellaciously busy and will not be able to look at it until the next day. This was the case with several other places, so I just chose the one that sounded the friendliest.
Day Three (Friday) gets me a call from the shop. The car's master computer has fritzed out. Dead. Kaputt. It is no more. Well, shit, I think. That can't possibly be a cheap repair. Mr. Lee confims my dread suspicions by mentioning that the new part would cost $800. Before labor. One can only imagine the size of the turd that jumped out of my pants and remarked "You're fucked" before running out the door. My jaw moves in odd directions for a few seconds before saying "Okay, go for it." After all, wtf was I going to say, trapped in OH as I was and needing to return? They had me bent over like Ving Rhames in Pulp Fiction. To add insult to injury, they weren't goig to be done until Monday morning. Bastards.
Day Five (Sunday) is fizrep's horror. He needed to return to work before Monday morning, so he opted for the early morning Greyhound at 2 am Sunday. Poor fool. Greyhound opted to give him the Red Light Special Assfucking- the ticket person directed him and several other poor sods to the wrong gate, where they waited while their bus left. Next bus: 4 am. His desire to catch a train out of Newark was foiled thus, so he searched for a different exit to escape, in hopes of finding a cab. He unfortunately chose the wrong exit, and got stuck in the middle of Ass, NJ waiting for a $60 cab ride. Total travel time from hotel to home: 19 hrs.
Day Six (Monday) sees me empty my bank account at some guy's feet and watch him take a bath in my money. He even has the nerve to tell me my front tires are in dangerous condition, and that I should get them replaced before making any more large trips. Had I been, say, a vampire, I might have ripped his jugular out on the spot and consumed his life fluids. Instead, I politely examined my tires with him, agreeing with his assessment, and left. Firestone fortunately put on my brand new tires very quickly, and I was able to get underway. Oddly enough, the return trip was done in record time. I'm sure the car was fueled in part by my incomparable rage.
And here I am. Note to anyone hosting a party within the next seven days: I'll be there, because by all that's holy, I need a party like no one's business. Oh yes indeedy.
Now, the horror.
Day One (Wednesday) marks the beginning. Driving from NJ to OH is a 520 mile process, lasting between 8 and 9 hrs. I've done it before sans problem. This time, however, around mile 360, the car decided to stop working. At all. Sonofabitch. So, there we are on the side of a highway just over the PA-OH border. Middle of nowhere. Calling AAA gets a tow truck there (he nearly missed us, stopping first for a broken down car a mile before ours...), and the three of us pile into two seats of the front of the truck and proceed to Columbus, 170 miles away. Towing costs make me a poor panda.
Day Two (Thursday) sees me get my car towed to a nearby shop. They are hellaciously busy and will not be able to look at it until the next day. This was the case with several other places, so I just chose the one that sounded the friendliest.
Day Three (Friday) gets me a call from the shop. The car's master computer has fritzed out. Dead. Kaputt. It is no more. Well, shit, I think. That can't possibly be a cheap repair. Mr. Lee confims my dread suspicions by mentioning that the new part would cost $800. Before labor. One can only imagine the size of the turd that jumped out of my pants and remarked "You're fucked" before running out the door. My jaw moves in odd directions for a few seconds before saying "Okay, go for it." After all, wtf was I going to say, trapped in OH as I was and needing to return? They had me bent over like Ving Rhames in Pulp Fiction. To add insult to injury, they weren't goig to be done until Monday morning. Bastards.
Day Five (Sunday) is fizrep's horror. He needed to return to work before Monday morning, so he opted for the early morning Greyhound at 2 am Sunday. Poor fool. Greyhound opted to give him the Red Light Special Assfucking- the ticket person directed him and several other poor sods to the wrong gate, where they waited while their bus left. Next bus: 4 am. His desire to catch a train out of Newark was foiled thus, so he searched for a different exit to escape, in hopes of finding a cab. He unfortunately chose the wrong exit, and got stuck in the middle of Ass, NJ waiting for a $60 cab ride. Total travel time from hotel to home: 19 hrs.
Day Six (Monday) sees me empty my bank account at some guy's feet and watch him take a bath in my money. He even has the nerve to tell me my front tires are in dangerous condition, and that I should get them replaced before making any more large trips. Had I been, say, a vampire, I might have ripped his jugular out on the spot and consumed his life fluids. Instead, I politely examined my tires with him, agreeing with his assessment, and left. Firestone fortunately put on my brand new tires very quickly, and I was able to get underway. Oddly enough, the return trip was done in record time. I'm sure the car was fueled in part by my incomparable rage.
And here I am. Note to anyone hosting a party within the next seven days: I'll be there, because by all that's holy, I need a party like no one's business. Oh yes indeedy.