Seeing Things (Not There at All)
Felt like tying one on tonight. Couldn't tell you why. Just seemed to be the thing to do at the time. You'd think I'd posted enough for one day, but these days it seems I've more to say than I have in the last... Well, I don't remember the last time I had so much to say. I've had a lot of things locked up inside for a long time. Either because I was too depressed to let it out or even to recognize it, or because I just wasn't paying attention. Think everyone knows how that is. Cricumstances change. It's the nature of life. One day you're unemployed living with your parents and the next you've a decent job and prospects of going places. Fragile promises that you won't let this opportunity slip. You've been destined for greater things all your life and finally your taking the steps toward that destiny. But nothing has really changed. All those things that have been locked away are still there collecting dust behind a rickety door, and every key you try turns uselessly in place. Making something usefull of yourself didn't open anything. Didn't clear any of the dust or expel the skeletons. Removing yourself left it all be as well. Being a jerk only made more. Leaving only left them behind for you to come back to when all gas and intention were spent. Can't run from the things you're tied to after all.
Speak peace with yourself if you can. That's the real dilemma, ain't it? All the ghosts in the world might be put to rest if you could only forgive yourself the crimes you never really committed... And a few that you did. All those things you hold yourself accountable for that no one else does. Or even remembers. You, like I, know there are things you blame yourself for that no one else does. Why is it so impossible to let those things go? On the day of your judgement what will you say when St. Peter doesn't ask you about all those atrocities you've prepared to explain. I for one will stand there until he listens to me. Hears evey sad moment I've created and how sorry and tired I am of carrying them with me. And, at the end of a month long speech, he will look down from his podium at me. He'll remove his spectacles and say to this tired soul, "Son, take that stick up your ass out and get inside."
Speak peace with yourself if you can. That's the real dilemma, ain't it? All the ghosts in the world might be put to rest if you could only forgive yourself the crimes you never really committed... And a few that you did. All those things you hold yourself accountable for that no one else does. Or even remembers. You, like I, know there are things you blame yourself for that no one else does. Why is it so impossible to let those things go? On the day of your judgement what will you say when St. Peter doesn't ask you about all those atrocities you've prepared to explain. I for one will stand there until he listens to me. Hears evey sad moment I've created and how sorry and tired I am of carrying them with me. And, at the end of a month long speech, he will look down from his podium at me. He'll remove his spectacles and say to this tired soul, "Son, take that stick up your ass out and get inside."