Life has it's many mysteries, and they accumulate...
In my dreams for some god awful reason. Here are the past four days, and then my dreams might make a little sense:
1. Monday night I find out my bio-fazzer and his wifey had a miscarriage. Child got to seven weeks and stopped living pretty much. :[
2. The next morning at 7:12 a.m. I find out that my great grandpa passed away in his sleep during the night. Luckily not a traumatic death, but a blow to the heart nonetheless. He lived in Oregon.
3. I started my period the day after this. And had work.
4. Through this I've had work and school to thankfully take my conscious mind off of my emotions on everything.
5. I'm still very worried that Ian is going to turn around and decide he actually IS mad at me for all the stuff that happened with Dustin. Not to mention it's getting closer to the time that he and I broke up last year, so I'm feeling a bit tense with each approaching day.
Now, to my dreams that I had the misfortune to have last night.
1. I don't remember too much of this except that I was hanging out with Dustin and Ian and some other person that I can't remember, and we were sitting in mine and Ian's room watching Les Miserables (MUCHO GUSTO!). Dustin was sitting on the floor with the nameless face while Ian and I were laying next to each other on our bed. Suddenly, Ian pulls away as I try to hold him. I ask what's wrong and he plainly states that he doesn't love me any more and doesn't want to date. The remainder of the dream is me feeling like I've had all breath dragged out of my body by an abusive sociopath. Lots of tears and, "Why?" questions.
I wake up and I'm in tears and I tell him and he says that it will never happen and he loves me. Fears assuaged, I go back to sleep.
2. For some reason we're up in Oregon, and Ian's family is there with us. I'm visiting with my grandparents and I had to get dog food or some random thing. When I return to the house where Ian and his family were staying (It was my great grandparents old house that was on top of a cliff but it was different) I find out that Ian fell over the fence (which is where the different comes in, along with the type of plants that were there. It looked like wheat for some reason) of the cliff and his mom had tried to grab him and save him, but she was too slow because of a rib cage injury. They explained that he had died. I freaked and I went to my old house that was suddenly in Oregon, and I had all this jewelry on, which I think Ian had made (he has taken jewelry making classes, and has made me several rings and bracelets and necklaces). There was this one really pretty piece I had on, it was a gold necklace and I was wearing it the wrong way. Xander, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, asked why I was wearing it wrong and I said because the heart needed to stay in front near my heart so that I would never be far from Ian. There was a giant heart shaped ruby in it and the heart was indeed in the front while this really intricate vine type thing was in the back, though I was wearing it wrong so I dunno. And then out of nowhere I was laying on my side in a bed crying and thinking of how it was unfair to lose two people I loved in one day but that I felt really bad because the sting of Ian's death wasn't hitting as hard because I was still mourning my great grandpa but not even that had hit fully yet. Then what happened was I went to the cliff and was still wearing the heart necklace, and then I jumped off the cliff.
I woke up, once again crying, and Ian assured me that he wouldn't go near any cliffs ever again unless I was there to save him.
Fuck. My. Dreams.
1. Monday night I find out my bio-fazzer and his wifey had a miscarriage. Child got to seven weeks and stopped living pretty much. :[
2. The next morning at 7:12 a.m. I find out that my great grandpa passed away in his sleep during the night. Luckily not a traumatic death, but a blow to the heart nonetheless. He lived in Oregon.
3. I started my period the day after this. And had work.
4. Through this I've had work and school to thankfully take my conscious mind off of my emotions on everything.
5. I'm still very worried that Ian is going to turn around and decide he actually IS mad at me for all the stuff that happened with Dustin. Not to mention it's getting closer to the time that he and I broke up last year, so I'm feeling a bit tense with each approaching day.
Now, to my dreams that I had the misfortune to have last night.
1. I don't remember too much of this except that I was hanging out with Dustin and Ian and some other person that I can't remember, and we were sitting in mine and Ian's room watching Les Miserables (MUCHO GUSTO!). Dustin was sitting on the floor with the nameless face while Ian and I were laying next to each other on our bed. Suddenly, Ian pulls away as I try to hold him. I ask what's wrong and he plainly states that he doesn't love me any more and doesn't want to date. The remainder of the dream is me feeling like I've had all breath dragged out of my body by an abusive sociopath. Lots of tears and, "Why?" questions.
I wake up and I'm in tears and I tell him and he says that it will never happen and he loves me. Fears assuaged, I go back to sleep.
2. For some reason we're up in Oregon, and Ian's family is there with us. I'm visiting with my grandparents and I had to get dog food or some random thing. When I return to the house where Ian and his family were staying (It was my great grandparents old house that was on top of a cliff but it was different) I find out that Ian fell over the fence (which is where the different comes in, along with the type of plants that were there. It looked like wheat for some reason) of the cliff and his mom had tried to grab him and save him, but she was too slow because of a rib cage injury. They explained that he had died. I freaked and I went to my old house that was suddenly in Oregon, and I had all this jewelry on, which I think Ian had made (he has taken jewelry making classes, and has made me several rings and bracelets and necklaces). There was this one really pretty piece I had on, it was a gold necklace and I was wearing it the wrong way. Xander, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, asked why I was wearing it wrong and I said because the heart needed to stay in front near my heart so that I would never be far from Ian. There was a giant heart shaped ruby in it and the heart was indeed in the front while this really intricate vine type thing was in the back, though I was wearing it wrong so I dunno. And then out of nowhere I was laying on my side in a bed crying and thinking of how it was unfair to lose two people I loved in one day but that I felt really bad because the sting of Ian's death wasn't hitting as hard because I was still mourning my great grandpa but not even that had hit fully yet. Then what happened was I went to the cliff and was still wearing the heart necklace, and then I jumped off the cliff.
I woke up, once again crying, and Ian assured me that he wouldn't go near any cliffs ever again unless I was there to save him.
Fuck. My. Dreams.