Did you just CUM on my pillow??
Hahahah. I am so tired that I think I'm slap happy! I got drunk last night, after it took fucking forever for Jon to take a shower and get dressed, and then freak out because he couldnt find his light blue bandana, accused of stealing it, and then find it 30 minutes later. Jesus. ANyway, we got drunk last night and I just never went to bed. So now I'm home, and sober, and sleepy. And I gave Jon the rest of my weed for his lunch break, so I have none. Blah. But it's okay, Cuz I've got some cash saved up. Jon and his mom want me to move into their house with them, down in Norwood. Jon's room is on 3rd floor, his mom's is on first, and they have a "parlour" on the second flood that they want to turn into my bedroom. Jon really wants me to because he knows how much I hate Anderson and how much I want to be back in Norwood. He is the only one who really knows how much I miss Norwood. Sometimes we just chill down there instead of going out and doing shit because he knows how much i love being down there again. But I...the only thing is college. I will be leaving in a year. Next summer, I'm out of Cincinnati for hopefully good. And I know that if I move in and get all really serious..well even more serious with Jon that I'll never leave, and I'll be stuck here forever and go to UC and be haunted by everything that is my past and Cincinnati. Jon thinks that I don't want him, that I want to leave him here like everyone else in Cincinnati, but the truth is he is the ONLY person i want to even know from Cincinnati after I leave, and I'd want him to come with me, but i know he can't. He's got a phat paid job that he can't lose, and his mom to take care of, and the house to pay for. He's got too many obligations in Cincinnati to be able to up and leave like me. It's going to be hard as hell to leave him, and everyone, at first probably..but I need to..I really do..I bleed to leave Cincinnati. It's sad but it's true, and i cant expect Jon to wait around for me. I'm going to be so jealous when i come back and see him and his new girlfriend that i know he's gonna have, who wouldnt want him? oh my god, i don't want to leave him, it kills me to think of any other girl being in his arms, in his bed, in HIS house even, talking to him mom, riding in his car, hanging out with his friends. What am I then? a distant memory of what could have been and never really was because i had to leave? This is ripping me in half. I love Jon with a fierce passion that I've never felt about any guy before ever. It's real love..not first love, and not puppy love but real true love. I love every little thing about him. Even when we are fighting, how sexy he is when he's all angry and yelling, and how he makes me feel when he holds me and tells me that he never wants to let me go. aaahhhhhhhhh...I need to sleep on it. Today is..Sunday? yeah..? I prolly won't see him til Tuesday or Wednesday unless he switches shifts with someone..but even then he works double shifts too..so..ahhh..I hope he calls during his lunch break. hahah..sometimes he calls my cell and i wont answer and he'll leave like 5 voicemail. it'll be like "i love you" and "i need you" and "i want you" and then ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE BITCH! hahahah..he makes me smile. his birthday is next month, i have no idea what to get him.