(no subject)
So i finally got a chance to talk to Sarah...felt good, doesnt feel the same though, i felt lost, i felt like i had to impress her, but why, isnt that why God is destroying my pride, so i cant impress anyone, maybe...i dunno...God is confusing like that...spent more time on my writing and less time on my studying.....i think this might actually hurt me...my grades that is...i didnt think i would get into writing like this...its becoming a new obsession...i want it to be perfect, put the perfect words, make perfect sense, make the character perfect...something im not...Diego knows this...the character who i wish to portray is myself only perfect and fearless....ha...maybe hes my opposite....one this we have in common though....not being able to relate to people....have i escaped so far from myself that the only person that would understand me is my character...maybe....why am i crazy im up and down...im feeling good because my life sucks then im feeling bad because my life sucks...why cant i just not feel anything....or maybe thats what makes life funny...someone has to be in the dirt in order to make other people feel good...i knew nothing about life a year ago...i was just a naive little boy, no faults, no emotion.....now its like im suffering from menopause or some thing like that......i have errors....but who doesnt...maybe im being harsh on myself....i could always say im not nearly as bad as some of my suitemates...heck...im a saint compared to them.....but who am i to compare myself to someone else....its not who u are compared with....its how u stand when u stand with Jesus.......i feel like Jesus' is standing on my head and laughing at me....he wants to see how much i wiggle before i pass out....but im glad i am were i am....i learned a lot...i mean...wisdom is the greatest thing ever and it is gained through experiance and God....if i had a chance to be naive would i take it......................................................i love wisdom...but u know what....i love being happy as well...i choose to be happy and naive....the way God made man originally...why did he make eve...eve stands for evel(evil).....jk....why did he make universities so far away from home....i think my suitemates are smoking again...i smell the weed coming from under my door....i cared for her.....maybe in another life when we are all cats will i have my chance again....that came from Vinally sky......Tom could have any girl but he choose one...anyway another girl that liked him wanted to kill him as well as her self so no one else could have him....she drove the car off a bridge...she died but he survived...but his face was destroyed....anyway...the girl that he liked saw that he was ugly and decided to date his best friend....and his friend told him in the beginning...u will never understand my life because the sweet is just not as sweet without the bitter.....his best friend never had anything and he ended up getting the girl....the one beautiful thing....and Tom got the bitter so that he may latter see what the sweet truly taste like........maybe i should drink a bunch of coffee without sugar....then drink a cup full of sugar....i bet it will taste so good.....i wish i was my character in my book...he would know what to do if he was me....well actually...i do know what to do...its just i cant do it...X would do it...ha diego...might study the meaning of the X....yes his name begins with that but that wont help u....he had a name change because of the people....what the heck am i writing about...i only want one person to read this crap that i write and she doesnt even have an lj anymore.....blah blah blah...those are the words coming out of my mouth because im crazy....look who came in J-Peg....why do we all have names with hyphens cand crap blah blah blah....why do i keep talking YALL LOOSERS....MY LIFE SUCKS....im sorry..i didnt mean to call yall that....i just wish someone else suffered like me right now so we can both be happy...my brother was like...."dude...your life sucks worst then mine"....how pathetic am i....my life never sucked before THIS....WHY AM I SO CONTROLLED BY A GIRL....a girl that doesnt even like me anymore....u would think i would be logical and say well thats that and then i move on....but for some reason logic doesnt make sense...who cares about logic....logic are for people that dont care...logic is used by people that balance time and economics and dont really care about the factor of the human psych and well-being...but i do care...ligic has left me...im now mr.phillip....but not as smart as he is...but give me a few more years and i garentee i would even freak him out....theres my suitemate and his cool glass hydrobong...i want it because it looks cool....someone must have been high when they made it....BKAH...why cant i be smart...i like this song...where ever you are by LAAVA...never heard it before but it seems to be speaking to me......................WHY AM I WRITING THIS CRAP...am i not suppose to hide my feelings like i done in the past....well...its probably because i know ill never see people back in charlotte again....so the chances of yall judging me doesnt really matter..and maybe because im high....haha...no no no...im not...but why am i free with my words...i shall go now because i need sleep....haha..BRUCE ALMIGHTY "WHY DONT U LOVE ME!!!???"......"ohh right...free will.".......i think free will sucks...its not fair...why couldnt i be an angel...u know what...Satans life is better then mine....heck...the people in hell are laughing at me because they know there life doesnt suck as bad as mine....im not in hell...im in the place thats a little worst then hell....im out