From Ben's Brother...
If you're reading this twice, I'm sorry. I finally got into Benny's livejournal to post this. As for comments, please don't comment here just yet. I like the long memorial comment thing going on my live journal... so go here...
http://www.livejournal.com/users/pulpie/55793.html
Written earlier...
For those who knew my brother, he was the kindest person in the world. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire lifetime.
My brother, Benjamin Justin Williams, chaosreign passed away in his sleep yesterday afternoon, February 18th, 2004. He was 20 years old. Soon to be 21 in July.
Cause of death has yet to be determined. My mother went into his room to put some clean clothes in his closet just after noon. He kinda moved, moaned, and rolled over like he just didn't want to wake up. We know he was alive at that point. My mother had went into his room later to wake him up at about 3:30pm. He didn't respond. She pulled back the covers and noticed his lips were pale and the color of his skin, as opposed to the red that we're all used to. She immediately called 911 and started CPR. However when the paramedics arrived, they put the leads up to the monitor and to his chest and head, and there was no activity. He was pronounced while still laying in his new bed.
While some of you knew my brother to be dramatic, It is 100% certain he did NOT commit suicide. He was happy, talking about getting his GED, his license, and was all about his girlfriend and her upcoming prom together with her.
They are performing an autopsy on him today. The coroner said that it could take up to 60 days for the results to come back with a cause of death. Update: My parents talked to the coroner. They were unable to determine a cause of death. His heart was slightly enlarged, and he had some aspiration in his lungs. Other than that though, they couldn't tell what he died from. So now all we can do is wait for the toxicology report and lab results.
My brother had recently quit smoking, aside from the occasional "Hey can I bum a cigarette from you?". He had also lost about 50-60 pounds since my wedding in September. My brother was always a big guy. But he was healthier now that he had been in a while. I'm not a doctor, but thats my personal opinion.
As far as my parents go, they are completely devastated. I can't imagine what my mom is going through with having to find her youngest son dead in his bed. He was her baby boy, (other than me of course) and I know that when I talked to her on the phone just as the paramedics were pulling all of the leads off, she was completely devastated. Since then she has taken to cleaning anything and everything she can find to keep her mind off of things and keep her busy. She is sort of like a roller coaster. She'll be cleaning and headstrong for a period of time, then have a period of crying. All I can do is hug her, tell her I love her, and cry with her.
My father is a slightly different story. For those of you who have ever met my father. My brother and I both got our sense of humor from him. Aside from cracking jokes, my dad is a quiet man with great presence. I've never seen my dad cry before yesterday when I got here. I've seen him tear up, but not cry. All he wants is his son back. He doesn't understand why. The same as my mom, all I can do is cry with him, hug him, and tell both my parents I love them.
As for me... well that's the hard part. I'm holding it together better than my parents. I've been making alot of the phone calls. I'm picking my grandmother up at the airport. On the drive up here, I cried alot, and I do mean alot. I screamed a bit, punched the seat of my truck a few times in frustration. All I want to know is why. I love my booboo. He is my baby brother, and always will be. I'm fortunate to know that the last thing I ever said to him was that I loved him as he left my house Sunday after staying there for a few days. Saturday night he and I and Nicole and his girlfriend Kayla all joked around and had the best time. I may have shared my # of fights with him, but none were ever too serious, none were ever too harmful, and none were ever big enough to not get over and be lovable brothers again.
I can't listen to any music. Even if it was music I know he hated like country or anything, in my brain I somehow associate any given song with my brother, no matter what it is, and I just start to cry again. My parents had bought him a new bedroom set. Queen size bed with kick ass cool black leather and chrome bed frame and matching dresser and nightstand. I had even suggested the rug he ended up getting. He got to sleep in all his new bedroom stuff for all of 2 nights. It came while he was in Georgia with me last week.
My brother was one of my best friends, and he will always mean the world to me. From being all kinds of scruffy and just woken up, to looking totally pimp in a tux at my wedding, all I have are the greatest of memories of my brother. I wish for nothing more right now than to have him back. I was so looking forward to having my kids have this cool guy named "Uncle Ben" who likes to blow stuff up and fart alot for their uncle. I wanted to see him turn 21. I wanted to see him married, and be the uncle to his kids. It's killing me that none of this will ever happen.
My mom has given me permission to give out their address and phone # for anything you wanna send, whether it be a card, or flowers, or a hanky, or a hanky with a booger in it that looks like the MTV logo (one of his favorite jokes). If you want to call, it may be busy, there's lots of plans in the works right now. My Mom would also like to know if it would be ok for her to leave a message in Benny's live journal, sharing little stories about Benny, leaving you with happy thoughts about him, giving you laughter, a few smiles and feeling good about knowing Ben and all the funny things he would do. I told her I don't think anybody in their right mind would have a problem with that. I have to find out if there's a way to get his password from the people at livejournal. I will try to contact Arie if I can. Benny would have wanted it that way. He would want you all to remember him in a happy way. And My Mom wants you all to know that the service, whatever kind we have, will be VERY casual....He didn't believe in going for the "show" of it, he felt everyone should be themselves, and thats the way we want it to be too...casual, as Ben would have wanted you to be.
I'm sending this out as both a mass email to everybody on my email list, and posting it in my livejournal. The link to my live journal is http://www.livejournal.com/users/pulpie. Benny's is http://www.livejournal.com/users/chaosreign.
Any comments anybody feels free to make on my journal is completely fine with me. The more the merrier. If anybody has any pictures of him, post those as well, I know myself and the world would love to see them.
As soon as a service is setup or some kind of memorial something, I will post it. I talked to my parents, we all know that Benny wanted to be cremated. So I know that is going to happen at some point, but as far as a viewing or wake, when I know more, I will post the info.
My parents are Mom and Dad also known as:
MIKE AND SHELLEY WILLIAMS
176 N. HIGH POINT RD.
SPARTANBURG,SC 29301
and the phone # is 864-583-4726
P.S. After a long talk with Nicole, and lots of thought, and talking to my parents, all involved thing that it would not only be an honor, but also a touching tribute. Me and my wife are going to name our first born son Benjamin Justin in honor of a man who was so much in this world, and in my world, and hopefully in many of your worlds.
-Randy
http://www.livejournal.com/users/pulpie/55793.html
Written earlier...
For those who knew my brother, he was the kindest person in the world. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire lifetime.
My brother, Benjamin Justin Williams, chaosreign passed away in his sleep yesterday afternoon, February 18th, 2004. He was 20 years old. Soon to be 21 in July.
Cause of death has yet to be determined. My mother went into his room to put some clean clothes in his closet just after noon. He kinda moved, moaned, and rolled over like he just didn't want to wake up. We know he was alive at that point. My mother had went into his room later to wake him up at about 3:30pm. He didn't respond. She pulled back the covers and noticed his lips were pale and the color of his skin, as opposed to the red that we're all used to. She immediately called 911 and started CPR. However when the paramedics arrived, they put the leads up to the monitor and to his chest and head, and there was no activity. He was pronounced while still laying in his new bed.
While some of you knew my brother to be dramatic, It is 100% certain he did NOT commit suicide. He was happy, talking about getting his GED, his license, and was all about his girlfriend and her upcoming prom together with her.
They are performing an autopsy on him today. The coroner said that it could take up to 60 days for the results to come back with a cause of death. Update: My parents talked to the coroner. They were unable to determine a cause of death. His heart was slightly enlarged, and he had some aspiration in his lungs. Other than that though, they couldn't tell what he died from. So now all we can do is wait for the toxicology report and lab results.
My brother had recently quit smoking, aside from the occasional "Hey can I bum a cigarette from you?". He had also lost about 50-60 pounds since my wedding in September. My brother was always a big guy. But he was healthier now that he had been in a while. I'm not a doctor, but thats my personal opinion.
As far as my parents go, they are completely devastated. I can't imagine what my mom is going through with having to find her youngest son dead in his bed. He was her baby boy, (other than me of course) and I know that when I talked to her on the phone just as the paramedics were pulling all of the leads off, she was completely devastated. Since then she has taken to cleaning anything and everything she can find to keep her mind off of things and keep her busy. She is sort of like a roller coaster. She'll be cleaning and headstrong for a period of time, then have a period of crying. All I can do is hug her, tell her I love her, and cry with her.
My father is a slightly different story. For those of you who have ever met my father. My brother and I both got our sense of humor from him. Aside from cracking jokes, my dad is a quiet man with great presence. I've never seen my dad cry before yesterday when I got here. I've seen him tear up, but not cry. All he wants is his son back. He doesn't understand why. The same as my mom, all I can do is cry with him, hug him, and tell both my parents I love them.
As for me... well that's the hard part. I'm holding it together better than my parents. I've been making alot of the phone calls. I'm picking my grandmother up at the airport. On the drive up here, I cried alot, and I do mean alot. I screamed a bit, punched the seat of my truck a few times in frustration. All I want to know is why. I love my booboo. He is my baby brother, and always will be. I'm fortunate to know that the last thing I ever said to him was that I loved him as he left my house Sunday after staying there for a few days. Saturday night he and I and Nicole and his girlfriend Kayla all joked around and had the best time. I may have shared my # of fights with him, but none were ever too serious, none were ever too harmful, and none were ever big enough to not get over and be lovable brothers again.
I can't listen to any music. Even if it was music I know he hated like country or anything, in my brain I somehow associate any given song with my brother, no matter what it is, and I just start to cry again. My parents had bought him a new bedroom set. Queen size bed with kick ass cool black leather and chrome bed frame and matching dresser and nightstand. I had even suggested the rug he ended up getting. He got to sleep in all his new bedroom stuff for all of 2 nights. It came while he was in Georgia with me last week.
My brother was one of my best friends, and he will always mean the world to me. From being all kinds of scruffy and just woken up, to looking totally pimp in a tux at my wedding, all I have are the greatest of memories of my brother. I wish for nothing more right now than to have him back. I was so looking forward to having my kids have this cool guy named "Uncle Ben" who likes to blow stuff up and fart alot for their uncle. I wanted to see him turn 21. I wanted to see him married, and be the uncle to his kids. It's killing me that none of this will ever happen.
My mom has given me permission to give out their address and phone # for anything you wanna send, whether it be a card, or flowers, or a hanky, or a hanky with a booger in it that looks like the MTV logo (one of his favorite jokes). If you want to call, it may be busy, there's lots of plans in the works right now. My Mom would also like to know if it would be ok for her to leave a message in Benny's live journal, sharing little stories about Benny, leaving you with happy thoughts about him, giving you laughter, a few smiles and feeling good about knowing Ben and all the funny things he would do. I told her I don't think anybody in their right mind would have a problem with that. I have to find out if there's a way to get his password from the people at livejournal. I will try to contact Arie if I can. Benny would have wanted it that way. He would want you all to remember him in a happy way. And My Mom wants you all to know that the service, whatever kind we have, will be VERY casual....He didn't believe in going for the "show" of it, he felt everyone should be themselves, and thats the way we want it to be too...casual, as Ben would have wanted you to be.
I'm sending this out as both a mass email to everybody on my email list, and posting it in my livejournal. The link to my live journal is http://www.livejournal.com/users/pulpie. Benny's is http://www.livejournal.com/users/chaosreign.
Any comments anybody feels free to make on my journal is completely fine with me. The more the merrier. If anybody has any pictures of him, post those as well, I know myself and the world would love to see them.
As soon as a service is setup or some kind of memorial something, I will post it. I talked to my parents, we all know that Benny wanted to be cremated. So I know that is going to happen at some point, but as far as a viewing or wake, when I know more, I will post the info.
My parents are Mom and Dad also known as:
MIKE AND SHELLEY WILLIAMS
176 N. HIGH POINT RD.
SPARTANBURG,SC 29301
and the phone # is 864-583-4726
P.S. After a long talk with Nicole, and lots of thought, and talking to my parents, all involved thing that it would not only be an honor, but also a touching tribute. Me and my wife are going to name our first born son Benjamin Justin in honor of a man who was so much in this world, and in my world, and hopefully in many of your worlds.
-Randy