fic
I am squeezing my eyes closed, tears running down my face. It could not be happening this soon. Just yesterday, I am still a little girl. Yesterday, I am sitting in a circle with the women and girls of the clan: we are preparing for the festivities, we are sifting flour for the honey-cakes.
We are preparing for my wedding.
It takes place in two months, and the preparations haven't stopped. Every day, is talk of the wedding: every evening.
Today, First Mother has come to me, and she has held my hands in hers.
"It is time, Kati."
"Time, Lehri-dar?"
She stroked my hair back with one hand. "Kati, Kati," she said: "It is time for you to learn. As I learned, as we all learn. You will keep this knowledge precious, you will keep it private."
She moves to sit on the edge of my bed. Her hand, stroking my hair, soothes me.
"But - but my blood has not come," I say.
"Jiti," she says: little treasure. "You must understand. By the time the blood of your womb comes, Lord Vardu will have left this part of space on his trading rounds. It is the arrangement that your father and he made before you were born. You will be given in marriage to him while your spots are still dark. If we wait until your blood comes, then by the time he has returned to this area and we could meet, then it will be too late, and you will be too old."
I say nothing. I am still numb inside.
"Jiti," First Mother says, again. "I will not let you go into the darkness alone, without a light. It is your time to learn of the Mysteries. As I learned when I became a woman. As Second Mother learned."
I look to her. All my life, I have wondered of the Mysteries: they are those things which only women may know. Before we are ready, we are not told of them. And men are never told: they may be shown only by the woman who has shared them. By the woman who they have taken as wife.
"I have asked Shu'dahri to be your Nur'vahri."
Black-haired, grey-eyed Shu'dahri came to the clan six years ago, as the youngest bride of my father's younger brother. We are not close: she is a shy and conservative young woman. She hides her face frequently, and covers her mouth when she smiles. She is much prized by her husband, but has not yet formed strong bonds with any of the women.
So she is my Nur'vahri, my Light Sister. The one who will lead me out of the dark of childhood.
~
Shu'dahri has submerged me in the hot, herbal bath. She rubs the oily, slick balm between her hands, and she works this through my hair, working out the tangles gently with her fingers. She has not spoken this whole time.
"You must understand, Kati," she says, finally: "None of this clan have spoken with me. This is my chance, too. It is my chance to be your sister."
The air is cold. Goosebumps stand out on my naked skin. She wraps the soft robe around my shoulders, and holds before me the warmed oil: she works this into my hands, rubbing and kneading my fingers.
"I - I will explain what you need to know," she says.
"Why have they chosen you?"
She looks at her hands. Her lip trembles, for a moment.
"Because I am not your relation," she says, "But I am your uncle's favorite."
I am suddenly frightened. I wrap the robe tightly around myself.
"Kati, you must. You must know of this," she says.
She wraps her hand around my wrist. Her voice is desparate; her eyes large. "Don't you understand? You are to marry a man with two wives. This is the only power you will ever have over them, and over him. And one day - you may be asked to do the same thing for another young girl. A girl who will be totally lost without you. It may be the only way that you ever have a sister in your clan. And if you do not accept the task, then -"
I do not know what to think. I have never heard of such a thing. It is beyond me, because only yesterday, I was still a little girl. But I can tell by the glisten of her eyes, that she needs this role as much as she fears I need her to fill it.