2018
Hello.
Wow, it's been a year since I last posted stuff.
Most of my friends are not using LJ anymore, and I am still posting on this website since 2010. Lol that's an achievement I guess.
I'm not sure whoever will read this, but doesn't matter.
So far, what happened to my life?
I've been back home, Malaysia since last year. Since I posted my previous message on Apr 30 2017. I've been in this job, a gaming industry job where I work as a Graphic Designer. And I am leaving soon in 2 months. Because I want to move onto the next chapter in my life to pursue gaming animation.
Well, so far that's what been going through in my life. 70% of my life is working, I even work on Saturdays on Esports events etc. Just right now not so packed yet since is CNY season.
Relationships wise, I am still a single dog. LOL. Nah, is more like I do not care anymore about being alone, and not interested to pursue a love life yet, until someday I decided that I am financial capable of taking care of myself and my family. Then I will probably think about love.
I hardly see lots of friends but I suppose that is the usual thing ever since. I still see my best friends and my good friends, however I start to feel more distant as in more like too much being around female friends and I feel so bored, so out of topic to share with, and I need to have more guy friends to hang out with. But due to my own self as a ftm it is so freaking hard to get guy friends to be comfortable with me, even my guy colleagues and I we are so distant.
I'm still procrastinating.
Sad.
But I will tackle this.
And yeah, my temper increased.
So I am aware of it, and I am trying hard to change myself. Because I care too much, and I will suffer after shouting at other people, because later I will keep automatically think back about it, and it felt so damn awkward, and then I will think too much. I guess maybe that is also the reason why people stay away from me, I am too fierce to be eased up with.
But I think it is because I am still very frustrated with myself, my job, I am still not happy with myself.
I am not really living life in 2017.
I'm like a dead person every day, waking up at 6:30am every weekday+Sat, sleep at around 10:30pm - 12am+ every night, standing in the train, doing the lame job that does not give me any advancement, doesn't have time for anything except rest, and bringing parents out. I gym only at weekends, sometimes when too tired and overwhelmed I do halfway. Skipped a bit sometimes I only take leave when theres family outing that suck, boring. All these routines repeat and repeat. I feel empty.
Yeah. I throw tantrum because I am empty. When I feel disturbed by people. I shout at their routine talks. Even my boss also become a scared kitten when he talks to me. Actually, everyone. I heard many times from others that my temper is not normal. At my age and I throw this temper is not normal. It's an ongoing temper. I feel that maybe I am actually depressed. It could be that I never allow my mind to rest properly, I think too much, I think too much, I think too much...
I never rested properly at all ever since I came back from UK.
I need to leave this place and be myself. I feel that this could be the answer to solve myself.
It will take time.
I guess.
Other than that I'm still same ol' gamer, anime and manga freak. These give me life.
And nowadays I think I'm becoming more of a cat person as well, many stray cats in my workplace always warms up to me and they ease my stress away. They are so cute when they approach me and rub against my body.
I still don't have a car yet because I am still thinking to try finding a job overseas again, though with the train station nearby my place and theres the Grab and Uber it seems not a need anymore for owning a car, since petrol price keeps hiking up in Malaysia. And there's the possibility that cars will become electrical powered in the future, so not sure yet about getting a car that needs around 10 years to fully pay off the instalment fees. I need to renew my license soon anyway.
No need to mention that I obviously don't have my own house yet haha, because am not sure if I want to be a Malaysian citizen forever..?
So I felt that I have changed alot as well. more and more quiet, and thinking alot compare to my noob years back then.
If I want to end this message with a boom, I would say that:
1) I hope 2018 will be nicer to me compared to 2016 and 2017 back then. Those were the worst years so far.
2) I want to earn more money haha, and weekends totally off, I do not want another job that requires you to work on weekends. So ridiculous.
3) I want to be more dedicated with my gym, problem is the gym that I go to is now under renovation, probably by next month will open again ==
4) I want to properly focus on my passion. Improve my portfolio, enough shaming myself.
5) I hope to own a gaming laptop hehe, maybe someday, but first of all save up enough first.
6) I want to travel to Scandinavian countries. Nowadays I keep thinking of the highlands, woods and cool places that does not have too many buildings. More like Scotland back then.
7) I want to own a bike, to learn riding it and then just riding it.
8) I want to be happier.
So yeah, that's it on this loooong post haha.
If you happen to read it, wow thanks a lot. It's a lone guy's ranting and I do not expect anyone to read it. This is my own personal blog that I just type my feelings out to ease my mind :)
Until next time LJ.
Wow, it's been a year since I last posted stuff.
Most of my friends are not using LJ anymore, and I am still posting on this website since 2010. Lol that's an achievement I guess.
I'm not sure whoever will read this, but doesn't matter.
So far, what happened to my life?
I've been back home, Malaysia since last year. Since I posted my previous message on Apr 30 2017. I've been in this job, a gaming industry job where I work as a Graphic Designer. And I am leaving soon in 2 months. Because I want to move onto the next chapter in my life to pursue gaming animation.
Well, so far that's what been going through in my life. 70% of my life is working, I even work on Saturdays on Esports events etc. Just right now not so packed yet since is CNY season.
Relationships wise, I am still a single dog. LOL. Nah, is more like I do not care anymore about being alone, and not interested to pursue a love life yet, until someday I decided that I am financial capable of taking care of myself and my family. Then I will probably think about love.
I hardly see lots of friends but I suppose that is the usual thing ever since. I still see my best friends and my good friends, however I start to feel more distant as in more like too much being around female friends and I feel so bored, so out of topic to share with, and I need to have more guy friends to hang out with. But due to my own self as a ftm it is so freaking hard to get guy friends to be comfortable with me, even my guy colleagues and I we are so distant.
I'm still procrastinating.
Sad.
But I will tackle this.
And yeah, my temper increased.
So I am aware of it, and I am trying hard to change myself. Because I care too much, and I will suffer after shouting at other people, because later I will keep automatically think back about it, and it felt so damn awkward, and then I will think too much. I guess maybe that is also the reason why people stay away from me, I am too fierce to be eased up with.
But I think it is because I am still very frustrated with myself, my job, I am still not happy with myself.
I am not really living life in 2017.
I'm like a dead person every day, waking up at 6:30am every weekday+Sat, sleep at around 10:30pm - 12am+ every night, standing in the train, doing the lame job that does not give me any advancement, doesn't have time for anything except rest, and bringing parents out. I gym only at weekends, sometimes when too tired and overwhelmed I do halfway. Skipped a bit sometimes I only take leave when theres family outing that suck, boring. All these routines repeat and repeat. I feel empty.
Yeah. I throw tantrum because I am empty. When I feel disturbed by people. I shout at their routine talks. Even my boss also become a scared kitten when he talks to me. Actually, everyone. I heard many times from others that my temper is not normal. At my age and I throw this temper is not normal. It's an ongoing temper. I feel that maybe I am actually depressed. It could be that I never allow my mind to rest properly, I think too much, I think too much, I think too much...
I never rested properly at all ever since I came back from UK.
I need to leave this place and be myself. I feel that this could be the answer to solve myself.
It will take time.
I guess.
Other than that I'm still same ol' gamer, anime and manga freak. These give me life.
And nowadays I think I'm becoming more of a cat person as well, many stray cats in my workplace always warms up to me and they ease my stress away. They are so cute when they approach me and rub against my body.
I still don't have a car yet because I am still thinking to try finding a job overseas again, though with the train station nearby my place and theres the Grab and Uber it seems not a need anymore for owning a car, since petrol price keeps hiking up in Malaysia. And there's the possibility that cars will become electrical powered in the future, so not sure yet about getting a car that needs around 10 years to fully pay off the instalment fees. I need to renew my license soon anyway.
No need to mention that I obviously don't have my own house yet haha, because am not sure if I want to be a Malaysian citizen forever..?
So I felt that I have changed alot as well. more and more quiet, and thinking alot compare to my noob years back then.
If I want to end this message with a boom, I would say that:
1) I hope 2018 will be nicer to me compared to 2016 and 2017 back then. Those were the worst years so far.
2) I want to earn more money haha, and weekends totally off, I do not want another job that requires you to work on weekends. So ridiculous.
3) I want to be more dedicated with my gym, problem is the gym that I go to is now under renovation, probably by next month will open again ==
4) I want to properly focus on my passion. Improve my portfolio, enough shaming myself.
5) I hope to own a gaming laptop hehe, maybe someday, but first of all save up enough first.
6) I want to travel to Scandinavian countries. Nowadays I keep thinking of the highlands, woods and cool places that does not have too many buildings. More like Scotland back then.
7) I want to own a bike, to learn riding it and then just riding it.
8) I want to be happier.
So yeah, that's it on this loooong post haha.
If you happen to read it, wow thanks a lot. It's a lone guy's ranting and I do not expect anyone to read it. This is my own personal blog that I just type my feelings out to ease my mind :)
Until next time LJ.