(no subject)
Okay, so I'm shaking a little bit. I just had a panic attack...a mild one, but still. It's been awhile. And now I can't stop crying. And just think, my dad asked what was going on when I went upstairs and couldn't breathe and was freaking out, then didn't care and continued to watch tv and told me take a xanax and then didn't say anything when I said I didn't have any.
Why you ask? Too many reasons to even begin to explain. And maybe by themselves, they're minute problems, and maybe altogether they're nothing to most people. I think everything is just building. I don't know.
Okay, money is a big issue, but whatever. I probably shouldn't go to Cedar Point this weekend, cause we all know I can't afford it.
My dad went to get my oil changed tonight and FREAKED out on me when I got home because he had to pay 40 some $ for it cause I let it go to hell or something, but that's not shit I know about. And now I have even LESS money then I had before for Cedar Point!
Then there's Northwood. I don't even know if I can go after my first semester there, cause yeah, can't afford it. And who knows if my sister will still be able to get my an internship, or whatever. And even if I got one, I'd be in Detroit and I wouldn't know what the fuck to do! I know NOTHING about accounting!!!
Then there's the Kyle/Ricky situation. Yeah, I've been dating Kyle for 4 months now and I absolutely love being with him and everything. But yeah, I still haven't told Ricky, and I still see him every once in awhile, not often, but still. I am like the most horrible person...
Then there's this whole weight loss thing. I will never get to my goal weight, and even if I do I'll gain it back because I royally fucked up my metabolism and I can't eat ANYTHING like a normal person, even for a day without gaining at least 3-5 pounds...IN A DAY!!! And I hate letting food control my life, but it does...and no one understands this.
Now my dad came downstairs and told me I'm a problem and is yelling at me. And how I don't set my priorities. and how if the test window is open for a couple days and why am I taking it on Friday and I don't know. I can't stop crying.
I never felt like this. I don't care about anything...anything..
Why can't I go to Cedar Point at the end of June. "You knew you had class, and you knew June 22nd class would have been all done. It might have been better if you would have planned it for June."
Blah...
Why you ask? Too many reasons to even begin to explain. And maybe by themselves, they're minute problems, and maybe altogether they're nothing to most people. I think everything is just building. I don't know.
Okay, money is a big issue, but whatever. I probably shouldn't go to Cedar Point this weekend, cause we all know I can't afford it.
My dad went to get my oil changed tonight and FREAKED out on me when I got home because he had to pay 40 some $ for it cause I let it go to hell or something, but that's not shit I know about. And now I have even LESS money then I had before for Cedar Point!
Then there's Northwood. I don't even know if I can go after my first semester there, cause yeah, can't afford it. And who knows if my sister will still be able to get my an internship, or whatever. And even if I got one, I'd be in Detroit and I wouldn't know what the fuck to do! I know NOTHING about accounting!!!
Then there's the Kyle/Ricky situation. Yeah, I've been dating Kyle for 4 months now and I absolutely love being with him and everything. But yeah, I still haven't told Ricky, and I still see him every once in awhile, not often, but still. I am like the most horrible person...
Then there's this whole weight loss thing. I will never get to my goal weight, and even if I do I'll gain it back because I royally fucked up my metabolism and I can't eat ANYTHING like a normal person, even for a day without gaining at least 3-5 pounds...IN A DAY!!! And I hate letting food control my life, but it does...and no one understands this.
Now my dad came downstairs and told me I'm a problem and is yelling at me. And how I don't set my priorities. and how if the test window is open for a couple days and why am I taking it on Friday and I don't know. I can't stop crying.
I never felt like this. I don't care about anything...anything..
Why can't I go to Cedar Point at the end of June. "You knew you had class, and you knew June 22nd class would have been all done. It might have been better if you would have planned it for June."
Blah...