Poetry like whaaaat

[chaosjim]

So, Wanny keeps me writing. I feel really bad that we couldn't make her day better, but if it means she closed earlier, I'm sure there is some good in it for her. I hope? Well, I need to learn a lot, and I need to flex my brain. For the calc students in the audience, I need to learn Green's Theorem on my own. Fun. Times.

Poetry:

Statuesque

Comments

Sorry for the tardiness -

[dreary_dredg]

I meant to leave a comment a while ago, when I read this.

I'm enamored with that Shelley poem as well. I'm not familiar with the figure Ozymandias other'n his character in The Watchmen, but I love the way that the poem seems to capture perfectly in a single lens ephemeral and fleeting greatness. That our kingdoms can naturally, with time, be reduced to dust, empires diminished to silence and sand.

And did you write the first poem? I liked that one as well. I thought that almost listing the different things that the speaker in the poem is impervious to really served to show just how untouchable the "statuesque" figure was. And that in spite of all of those powerful things having no power over the speaker, that wronging "her" would absolutely devastate him.

I do have a slight suggestion, though, if it is your poem. I think the final couplet would be better served if it was something like

"Yet - I would be demolished
if I caused her but a single tear."

The "yet" would really help the final couplet to be recognized as a turning point in the poem, which is something that isn't really so clear as you have it. And I threw the "but" in ". . caused her but a . ." just 'coz it would show that merely a single tear, the slightest of sadnesses, would do you in, despite you being so strong and unyielding in the faces of all of the other challenges.

I mean, of course you are more than welcome to completely disregard my suggestions, or tell me to fuck off if you don't think they'd help at all. I just wanted to throw those out there. And of course, to say that I liked the poem, and that you should post more.

Oh yeah, as I was driving around at 2-something in the morning today, I realized just how close you live to me. If you're not perpetually busy, we should hang out sometime, if you'd like.

Re: Sorry for the tardiness -

[chaosjim]

Yeah, I should get your # or something, mine is 201 874 2835. My phone is being a jerk about saving contacts however, so my ability to make calls is janky. I like your insight into my poem, it's getting an edit. I'm glad I checked my email today.

Cool -

[dreary_dredg]

My cellular telephone number is 9736680262.

And no problem, I'm hopelessly in love with
poetry and I love discussing it every chance
I get. And since you live like, ten minutes
by foot from my house, we could just hang out
and talk poems, if you want.