How Do I Constantly Do This?
I don't get it. I somehow manage to sabotoge myself with people. Why is it that I can say and do the right things in a business setting but the second I try to get the least bit social, I do something stupid to screw it up? I hurt, if not destroy, virtually every connection I try to create, admittedly by trying too hard to socialize in some cases. I'm over-eager because I've never been the type to have a lot of friends and I yearn to be. The few of you who've known me for a while know that this is true. I just don't know how to do this right. Here I am, a college graduate, with the social aptitude of an awkward high school freshman. And to think that this is an improvement. What have I missed all this time? It may be time to start thinking about New York again...a new city, a new scene, a chance to start over. I've actually been able to cultivate something akin to a social circle there. I shouldn't run, I don't want to, I'm not that weak a person, but I don't know what to do. At this rate, by summer's end, no one will miss me here anyhow aside from my family. There's no such thing as fixing broken connections, I'm not that naive, and I've proved time and time again that I'm generally a failure at making new ones so I guess it's back to square one. We'll see.